Let Me Love You: Supercorp AU
by j.sauntor27
Summary: Human High School AU - Kara Danvers is a junior at Midvale Preparatory Academy. Charming, hilarious, and popular with everyone, she's living the ideal high school life. Lena Luthor is a shy, new transfer student desperate to escape her old life. What happens when worlds collide? / Kara has trouble being 'just friends' with Lena
1. Welcome to Midvale Prep

"You don't know the meaning of loyalty!"

Lena flinched away from her mother's harsh words. Her face scrunched up, shame burning her cheeks. "He did terrible things."

"He's misunderstood! A genius, trapped in the body of a man! He's better than you'll ever be." Lillian's tone was biting and she stepped towards her daughter. Her hands shot forward and wrapped around Lena's forearms, forcing her to lean backwards over the counter.

Cowering in fear, Lena tried to make herself smaller, very aware of the fact that she couldn't defend herself.

"I had to do the right thing." Her breath was coming in shorter and shorter pants, panic blooming in her chest. Her mother started to scream at her, inches away from her face. Her heart was pounding but her mind was gone; her eyes stared ahead, unfocused.

"You should have been there for your family! You call yourself a Luthor? Then act like it! Close ranks when you're supposed to, you useless piece of garbage!"

The slap that rang out through the empty kitchen hung in the air for several seconds. Lena's teeth bit down on her lip but she didn't make a sound, didn't move, adrenaline pumping through her veins at a sickening pace.

Lillian scoffed and stepped to the side, letting her hands drop. "Get out of my sight," she hissed, a terrifying expression on her face.

Lena darted through the opening, making a beeline for the stairs. Collapsing in the solace of her room and pressing a hand to her inflamed cheek, she felt the tears dripping down her face.

_You're weak. _

_Simple._

_Stupid. _

_Useless._

_You don't deserve the life you have._

Getting her tears under control, she stood up and faced herself in the full length mirror. She stared at the scared, flushed face looking back at her and berated herself for being so weak, so impressionable and emotional.

_Boxes, Lena._

* * *

The town flew by outside the window and Lena pulled the earbuds out of her ears, going through her bag, rearranging it even though she knew by heart where everything was. Zipping it up, she knocked on the divider between her and the front of the car. "James?"

"Yes, Ms. Luthor?"

"Can you drop me off here? And please call me Lena."

"Your mother requested that you be driven to the door."

Of course Lillian had done that. Of course she had already taken as much control as she could over Lena's life, somehow, from a hundred miles away. Wasn't the whole point of her sending her out to Midvale to make her disappear? "Please?"

James glanced in the rear view mirror and saw her pleading face. "Any particular reason, Ms. Luthor?"

"Lena. I just don't want to be _that_ kid, the one who shows up to her new school in a blacked out SUV. It makes people stare and god knows I don't need any more of that."

"All due respect, you have a lot of suitcases in the back. And I'm sure there will be other cars just like this one, Midvale Preparatory Academy may seem small but it's an elite boarding school." He pulled onto a side road and out of nowhere appeared a pristine, three story building with glass walls. They drove past several more elaborate-looking buildings and a row of tennis courts, then stopped in front of a building with tall marble columns and faded, old bricks.

Checking her bag again, Lena hesitated. "What if they hate me?"

James just chuckled and opened her door. "They won't hate you. What makes you say that?"

A frown etched its way across her face and she stepped down, slinging her backpack over her shoulder. "Because of Lex."

"You can't let that define you," James' voice was quiet and he had a knowing expression on his face.

Ever since her brother had been sent to jail, Lena had been quiet, withdrawn. After her hospital stay her mother had pulled her out of the private school in Manhattan's Upper East Side and sent her to the suburbs so she could have a fresh start. It was a small enough town, Midvale, that surely not everyone knew what her brother had done, and at least those who did wouldn't actively blame her and shout insults down the hallways. Not that it wasn't her fault.

"You'll be fine. Want me to come in with you?"

Shaking her head, Lena mounted the steps. "I'm just getting my key, right?"

"I'll be waiting out here. Call if you need anything." James leaned against the SUV, pulling his shades down.

She waited in the short line, staring at the ground, her hair hiding her face.

"Name?"

"Lena."

"I need your full name, dearie."

"Luthor. Lena Luthor," she mumbled, hoping no one would overhear. The nice-looking secretary handed her an envelope, key and ID.

"Thanks." She ducked away before anyone could pair her name with her face. James was waiting with the door open and she jumped in, eager for the isolation of the back seat.

"So where to now, Ms. Luthor?"

"Looks like my dorm is across the quad from the science building, so that's a plus."

When they got to the dorm, James put the car the car in park and glanced back at her. "How are you feeling? Nervous?"

The look he turned on her was almost condescending and she recoiled. "This is my sixth school. I'm over the first day jitters." Her voice shook, making her sound a lot less convincing that she wanted to.

"You know, I've been driving your mother around for a long time," James started. "And I've seen a lot of your family. I think this will be a nice change for you."

They started unloading her bags and boxes from the back and moving them into the dorm. On their third trip, a finger tapped her shoulder and Lena nearly jumped out of her skin, whipping around.

"Oh! Sorry, didn't mean to startle you. I'm Ms. Kincaid and welcome to Midvale Prep! You must be Lena Luthor."

"News travels fast I guess," Lena muttered, shaking the offered hand.

"Well, we do have to review the personnel files of all applicants and then again when you get accepted, so I know all about you." Ms. Kincaid smiled but it didn't do much to offset her ominous-sounding words. "Don't worry, you'll fit right in here."

"I hope not."

The older woman's smile wavered but she clapped her hands together and it returned in full force. Stealing a glance at Lena's papers, she pursed her lips. "Room 104? That's right down the hall, I'll show you."

James picked up the boxes and they followed her down the hall. When they got to the room Lena looked around, keeping her face blank.

"It's a single, so you don't have a roommate," Ms. Kincaid was explaining. "There's an electronic key fob to get into all the dorms and a separate key to get into your room. There are also check-in times and a couple guidelines to living here but we'll go over all of that in our first dorm meeting tonight, once everyone arrives."

"Alright, thanks." James' tone was clearly dismissive and the woman left, giving them both another smile. "So what do you think?"

"I think..." Lena inspected the room; empty cinder block walls painted over with an off-white color, a standard dresser drawer and bookshelf, a desk in the corner with a wooden chair. Her mind jumped, unbidden, to her brother. Was this just a nicer version of Lex's jail cell? Was her brother already getting into trouble in prison?

"I think this is a big mistake."

"It can't be all that bad. Someone donated a boatload of money two years ago and they used it to build that fancy science center you saw."

Lena sighed, sitting down on the bed. "That was my mother. She wanted me to come here for high school—hated the idea of me in the house."

Familiar with the rocky relationships of the Luthors, James nodded. "You didn't want to come?"

"The trial gave her the last thing she needed. The only reason she hadn't gotten rid of me yet was Lex. With him locked up..." Feeling the familiar pang of sadness that always came with talking about her brother, she trailed off, running her hand along the cheap mattress. It was partly her fault; if she hadn't landed herself in the hospital maybe Lillian wouldn't have forced her to leave. She still couldn't quite decide if she was happy to be out of there.

Used to the young girl losing herself in her thoughts, James slid his shades back on. "I'll go get the rest of your things, Ms. Luthor. And don't forget, orientation starts tomorrow. I'll be staying in a hotel down the street for a few days, so just let me know—"

"No, you should go. I'm sure your wife wants you home." Tired of feeling bad, Lena tried to dismiss him. The job paid well but driving her around meant James had to leave at a moment's notice whenever Lillian called, and he left a disgruntled wife with a a two-year old boy each time.

"Your mother said she'd check up on you," he said uncertainly. "I don't want her to think I'm not doing my job."

"It's fine. We both know she'll blame me anyways, if not for that, she'll find something else. You might as well go."

He smiled, not sure if he should be taking orders from a sixteen year old girl. "If you're sure. I'll just finish with the bags."

"Leave them." Suddenly, all she wanted was to be alone. "I can bring them in." Seeing his eyebrows raise, she gave him half a smile. "I just want to be a normal teenager for once. Normal teenagers bring in their own bags. Normal teenagers don't have brothers serving almost forty years in prison. Normal teenagers don't think about—" She shook her head, not finishing her sentence. "I saw a diner a few blocks from here. You should go grab lunch, you drove non-stop."

"Alright." He tossed her the keys. "I'll come back for the car later. Call if you need me."

"I won't." The words came out a little harsher than she meant them to and she got up, opening the door for him before he could ask any questions. "I'll be fine."

* * *

"Need some help?"

Lena turned towards the voice, raising a hand against the setting sun. A tall shock of blonde hair stood a foot away. "No, I'm good, thanks," she mumbled, continuing to roll her two biggest suitcases down the pavement.

"You sure? Those look a little heavy." Something in the girl's voice made her look back and her heart started pounding in her chest.

The girl was pretty. No, she was _gorgeous. _She smelled like fresh baked cookies and vanilla and had on a Midvale Prep t-shirt and skinny jeans that accentuated her long, slim legs. Pearly white teeth flashed at her, set in a face framed by golden, wavy hair. Wide blue eyes stared at her from behind black hipster glasses, crinkling at the corners even though the girl couldn't be much older than her, and Lena felt the corners of her own lips raising in an automatic response to the infectious smile.

"What did you say your name was?"

"I didn't," Lena said stupidly, staring at her crossed arms. They were corded with muscles Lena had never noticed before on a girl, and tan, like she spent a lot of time in the sun—something Lena avoided like the plague.

"Well then, what is it?" When no answer was forthcoming, the blonde shrugged good-naturedly. "I'm Kara. Kara Danvers." Everything about her oozed confidence and she extended a well-toned arm for Lena to shake her hand, the goofy smile still on her face.

Lena jumped back instinctively at the sight of a hand coming towards her, colliding with something big and solid and _warm_. A squeak escaped her and she turned, coming face-to-chest with a broad-shouldered, brown-haired boy.

"Mike, you scared her." The blonde girl, Kara, put a hand on her shoulder and Lena tensed. She wasn't used to strangers touching her. She wasn't used to anyone touching her.

Kara pretended not to notice but her heart fluttered in her chest; Lena's skin was cool to the touch despite the summer air and when she brushed Lena's hair with the back of her hand, the long, dark silky strands were as glossy as they looked.

"This is my boyfriend, Mike." Kara kissed his cheek and Lena followed the movement with her eyes. "Mike, this is..." She trailed off, waiting for an answer.

"Lena," she breathed, barely audible.

"Lena Luthor?" Nothing in the boy's face changed but Lena winced internally at her own name.

"That's me."

As he looked her up and down, something in his eyes _did_ change and Lena felt like she was being examined. Kara seemed to sense it, too, because she cleared her throat, breaking the tension.

"Let me get that for you." Without waiting for an answer, she grabbed the handle of one of the suitcases, almost lifting it off the ground. "What room are you in?"

"104," Lena said faintly. She couldn't for the life of her figure out why someone as pretty as Kara was paying her any attention, and she hoped it wasn't because of her last name. It seemed like Kara didn't even know her first name but she'd learned not to be too careful.

"Bangarang." Kara gestured for her to lead the way and she went to open the door, feeling the blonde's eyes on her back. The other suitcase was clearly meant for Mike and he brought it after them without protest but Lena could tell he was annoyed.

When they reach her door, Lena shifted uncomfortably as Mike whispered something in his girlfriend's ear. "...say something...her..." Kara raised an eyebrow and shot Lena a glance, setting the suitcase down.

"I'm meeting a few friends for dinner later if you want to join us."

The look on Mike's face said he does not want her to join them.

Seeing Lena hesitate, Kara smiled again. Something about the wide grin and the blonde's genuinely hopeful expression made her feel bafflingly warm and she felt her muscles relax. "Sure," she said, surprising herself.

"Mike's head of the football team," Kara said proudly, "So it'll mostly be tall, hairy neanderthals, but I'll be there and a few of them are bringing their girlfriends to make up for the testosterone. We'll come by around 5:30?"

Mike's brown eyes flashed and Lena swallowed. "Sure," she stuttered in a more subdued tone, backing away from his closed off expression. "I just—forgot something." She practically ran past them in her hurry, shutting the back door of the car as she slid in.

The familiar smell of leather greeted her and she traced the seams of the fabric, watching through the blacked-out windows as Kara and Mike left her dorm. They were chatting and holding hands and Kara was looking at him like he hung the moon—she must have imagined it. No way someone like Kara was with him if he wasn't a decent guy.

Kara was looking around and for a short, hot second Lena wondered if the blue eyes were searching for her. Then the couple walked right by the car, not seeing her, and Lena let out a relieved sigh when they disappeared into one of the other buildings.

She slipped out of the car and went back to her room. Starting to unpack, she slowly hung up her clothes, fingering each one. Did it matter what she wore to go to dinner?

"_Make a good first impression."_

Shaking her head, she tried to ignore her mother's voice, tried not to think back to _that_ night. "It's just dinner, Lena. Just wear something casual."

An hour later James left for New York City and she was sitting on her bed in designer jeans and a casual-looking green blouse. She nervously sprayed a bit of perfume on, a bottle of Dior that had been an old Christmas gift, and with every passing minute she considered backing out but she had no way to contact Kara and she knew the second those blue eyes were on hers she won't be able to turn her down.

_What is this?_

She didn't even know these people and yet here she was, waiting nervously.

The weather was nice so she went outside, standing nervously by the door. Seeing someone approach, she pretended to be on her phone but a hand waved by her face. "Yes?"

"Whoa. You must be Lena." A blonde boy she'd never seen before was standing in front of her.

"Yes," Lena said again. "How do you know my name?" _I hate the media._

"Oh, I'm Tom, Kara's friend. She's already at the diner but she told me to come find a pretty girl with 'startling green eyes'." His fingers hooked quotation marks in the air. "I'm guessing that's you."

"I don't have startling green eyes," Lena said, feeling a blush creep into her cheeks. _Kara thinks I'm pretty?_

"Are you stupid? Yeah, you do." Thomas linked their arms and pulled her towards the gates, not noticing how Lena's muscles locked at the physical contact. "Kara got one thing wrong, though. You aren't pretty. You're beautiful."

"That's nice of you to say." Her cheeks flushed even darker with embarrassment and she was looking at her feet when he slowed down.

"Here we are."

The school gates were still in sight as Lena read the sign by the road.

_Midvale Diner._

"Creative name," she remarked pushing open the door.

"Laugh all you want but it's been around since like, 1860. I'm sure most of its business nowadays is from us but they make a mean apple pie and have the best milkshakes for miles. Kara can chug one in under a minute."

Lena scanned the diner for the only other face she knew, the atmosphere buzzing in her ears. It felt warm and homely if not a bit overwhelming, all the sounds and smells, and she was just regretting letting Tom drag her over when she spotted Kara.

"Tom! Lena! Over here!" Kara stood up, waving them over. She was at one of the larger tables and surrounded. As they got closer Lena saw that they must have dragged over half of the diner's chairs and she shied away from the sheer amount of _people_. "Everyone, this is Lena. She's new here, so show her the ins and outs of Midvale Prep." Kara patted the newly empty chair next to her and Lena sat down.

"If I had known you were the most popular girl in the school, I would've stayed in my room." She had to lean in to be heard and flyaway blonde hairs tickled her nose. The smell of warm vanilla hung around Kara and Lena breathed it in.

"I figured as much," Kara whispered back with a wink, wrapping her arm around Lena's shoulders. "You gotta taste this, it's the best way to start your year here." She raised her voice, holding out a massive chocolate milkshake with two straws. Lena reached for the one closest to her but Kara stopped her, her arm slipping off Lena's shoulders. "Oh wait. That's Mike's, take mine. You aren't afraid of germs, are you?"

As someone who had carried out many a science experiment, Lena wasn't really a fan of contamination in any form but one look at Kara's face said that the blonde didn't expect her to say yes. "It's fine." She put the straw to her lips, picturing the same red plastic in Kara's mouth minutes before. The image almost made her blush.

They leaned forward at the exact same time and out of the corner of her eye something flashed. When she straightened up, Kara was smiling at her.

"It's good, huh."

"Yeah, I—"

A familiar hand shot in front of her face. "And a polaroid for the lady." With an exaggerated bow, Thomas held out the undeveloped film.

"Thanks," Lena said, a little startled, taking the picture and slipping it into her purse.

Under the table, Kara kicked his shin. "Let her settle in before you go doing all your weird stuff, Tom."

"You want me to wait? You can't keep a lady this beautiful waiting, Kara," Tom said with an offended look. He dropped the act and grins at her. "Hey. Never really introduced myself—I'm Thomas, the backup QB."

"What does that mean?"

"It means if Mikey here gets injured on the job, I'm in. Mostly I play defense though."

"Tom, leave her alone you dork," Kara ribbed. "We ordered a ton of food and appetizers for the table, I hope you like fries?"

"I love them."

* * *

When they left the sun was going down but the air was muggy and warm. It was nothing like the radiating heat in New York City that Lena was used to and she seemed to be more fine with the heat than anyone else. They took up the entire sidewalk and Lena couldn't stop herself from constantly eyeing the road, making sure they weren't in the way of any cars.

"Which orientation are you?"

Lena did a double take at Kara's question. "What?"

"I'm running one of the groups. It should've said on the pile of papers they gave you which one you're in."

"Oh, right." Thinking back to the envelope, Lena tried to focus on the letters. "I think I'm in the green group."

"Awesome! That's under me. We're the best," Kara winked as Mike's arm looped around her waist.

"Me and the guys have a preseason meeting but I'll come over when I'm done?"

Kara planted a kiss on his hand. "What makes you think I want you there?" He pouted and Lena chuckled at the childlike expression on such a burly guy. "What makes you think my family wants you there?"

The sound of Lena's quiet laugh was like music to Kara's ears, light and airy, and suddenly she wanted to hear it again. She wanted to make her laugh properly. She'd never wanted anything more.

"Oh please, your mom loves me. Nice meeting you, Lena." He kissed Kara's neck and ran to catch up with his friends. Kara watched as they teased him and he put Tom in a headlock.

"He seems sweet."

"Yeah," Kara said, a small smile on her face. "We'll be together two years next month."

"Two years? Wow, that's...wow."

"I know. It's crazy to think about, even to me. But he was...he really knows me, you know? He may seem cold, but once you get to know him...he's family."

Something in her voice sounded different and her blue eyes had darkened but Lena chalked it up to emotion. "I wish I knew what that felt like," Lena sighed, thinking of her mother.

Kara tilted her head, remembering something she had seen on TV not too long ago. "Don't you have a brother?"

"I do," Lena said coldly, all her walls coming up. The betrayal she had felt when her brother was arrested still stung and she had yet to fully wrap her head around what he'd done. The last thing she wanted to talk about was Lex, and Kara seemed to sense that, frowning a little.

"Sorry," the taller girl said sympathetically. "I have a sister, but I can't even imagine what it must be like—"

Lena wasn't ready to have this conversation with anyone, let alone a girl she had only just met, so she turned to her dark brand of sarcasm. "Having a psychopath for a brother?"

"No! No, I just meant I wouldn't know what to do with myself if I was in your shoes," Kara explained. "It just seems like it sucks."

"It's really none of your—oh."

There was an awkward moment when the two girls stared at each other, Kara with a contrite expression on her face and Lena with an impassive one.

"So—"

"Do you want—"

They both broke off, Lena looking embarrassed and Kara smiling. "Go ahead."

"No, you go," Lena said politely.

"I was just gonna ask if you wanted a tour of the place. I'm the head tour guide here, so it would be from the best of the best." She winked and was rewarded with the chuckle that bubbled out of Lena's throat.

"Best of the best, huh?"

"That's right."

The idea of an evening running around with Kara was appealing and Lena found herself nodding. "I'd like that."

"Bangarang! What do you want to see first?"

Kara was looking at her expectantly and Lena's throat went dry. "Science," she got out. "I like science."

"Alright, we'll start there. We just got a new science building." Kara grabbed her hand and Lena froze for a moment.

_What is with everyone here and touching each other?_

A second later their fingers intertwined like it was nothing. She could feel the warmth of Kara's skin and her hands were larger than she'd expected, enveloping Lena's own. For years her mother had scolded her, told her that _"No man wants a woman with hands bigger than his,"_ but hers and Kara's were almost the same size.

"It was built my freshman year," Kara was saying, "And it's got a ton of cool stuff I've never used. Fancy lab equipment and a laser cutter! I'd be afraid of cutting off my hand, but my sister told me that's not how it works."

"Did your sister go here?" Very conscious of her hand still in Kara's, Lena worried that her palms were getting sweaty but something about the blonde's enthusiasm lessened her anxiety.

"Nah, she went to public school and now she's in college out west. Here's the lobby, chemistry is on the upper level, bio is here on ground level, and physics is the one below us." She pulled Lena into various rooms, explaining what classes and teachers were in each one, her hand warm around Lena's

Lena wasn't really listening, more curious about Kara's life than the building. "What college does your sister go to?"

"UCLA." Much to Lena's disappointment, Kara let go of her hand to plop down on one of the couches. "What do you think of the Philip Schenk Science Center?"

Lena had been staring at Kara's hands; they moved a lot when she talked. In fact, her whole body seemed to hum with energy even when she was sitting still. Her hands would run through her hair or push up her glasses or fidget in her lap with a hair tie. When she noticed that Kara had stopped talking, she looked away quickly.

_You idiot. Say something._

A shiny rectangle on the wall caught her eye.

"What's that?"

Kara shrugged. "No idea."

"I thought you were the best of the best?"

Lena didn't consider herself a funny person but Kara laughed; a happy sound that made her throat vibrate and her eyes scrunch up and Lena found it adorable.

"Go over and read it if you want." Her eyes followed Lena as the other girl stood up, fixing her shirt self-consciously. She saw the emerald green eyes dart back and forth and saw Lena's entire body stiffen. The breathy exhale that escaped Lena's lips wasn't lost on her and she was on her feet in a second, her fingers reaching for Lena's arm.

"Lena? Are you okay?"

Lena shook her head, the ground dropping away underneath her. _She's going to hate me. God, she's going to despise me._

"What's wrong?" Kara joined her in front of the plaque and read it in a quiet voice. "Science center donated courtesy of Lillian Luthor...What does that mean?"

"It means there isn't much I can do that my mother's money can't make go away," Lena said bitterly, surprising them both. She sounded, to her own ears, like a spoiled, entitled brat and she wondered if her mother had been right about her all along. She was afraid to look up and see if she had alienated her only friend but she forced herself to.

Kara was biting her lip, her teeth worrying the pink skin, and Lena's eyes fastened on blonde's mouth, too shy to look her in the eye. "There's something different about you," she said slowly. The words Lena had said didn't go with the tone she said them in and Kara saw right through her façade. Saw right through it, because only a few years ago that was her. "Only someone in a lot of pain says things like that."

They held eye contact for a long moment before Lena looked away, feeling vulnerable.

"Come on," Kara said gently, tugging at her arm. Lena didn't flinch away, just shook her head like she was clearing it of cobwebs. "I'll show you the arts building." She could see the change in Lena's body language when they walked back outside and let out a sigh of relief.

The arts building was lined with paintings and photographs and sculptures, and Lena glanced around, a little overwhelmed. "This is all stuff done by the students?"

"Yeah." Kara was getting a little jumpy as Lena peered at a photograph. "Don't look at—"

"Kara Danvers, sophomore...You took this?"

"Yeah, for a project."

Lena stared at the picture, her fingers millimeters from the wall. It was a portrait of a brunette girl from the front, mid-laugh, wearing nothing but a swimsuit. She was looking at the person behind the camera—Kara—with a mixture of love and admiration in her eyes and Lena felt a strange spike of jealousy as she tried to figure out Kara's framing. The girl had a perfect body and Kara had captured every inch of it, the planes of her face and the curves of her body. Who was she? Maybe she was Kara's best friend, maybe it was her idol.

"That's Alex," Kara interrupted her train of thought.

"Alex."

"My sister," Kara explained, and Lena felt a powerfully strong wave of relief that she didn't understand.

"Can I see your other pictures?"

Kara shifted from foot to foot, biting her lip. She'd never felt like this before about showing her work. It was on the walls, for crying out loud. But this new girl looked like she read into photographs more than the usual audience of a football player, who glanced at them with a grunt. "Uh, sure. Most of the them are at home, but some of them are in the photo room." Fishing out a key ring from her back pocket, she went over to a cabinet.

Lena's curiosity was piqued. _She keeps them locked up? _When Kara bent over to open a drawer, she felt the need to look away, staring at the light bulb.

"Some of them are film, which I love, but most of them are digital—it's easier for sports and yearbook stuff."

They sat on the floor next to each other and Lena flipped through the binder, Kara's comforting scent wafting around them. She could sense Kara getting more and more nervous as she got farther and farther back but she didn't stop. The photos ranged from pictures of dogs—Kara's dogs, Krypto and Osh, a white husky and a heart-meltingly, adorable grey whippet—to pictures of Mike and their friends, but most of the pictures were of people. Taken from afar, taken up close, framed like they were taken in secret.

The photos transitioned from digital to film, and it was clear which medium Kara preferred. The film ones were framed more delicately, she could tell, and they had a certain touch to them that she could only describe as delicate. They were only of women, and Lena wondered if that was on purpose or just by chance. There was one girl that was in several of the film photos, in racy poses, too, but Lena didn't ask, stamping out the jealousy that licked at her insides like fire.

"That's pretty much it," Kara spoke up, fidgeting with her glasses. There were still a few pages left and Lena couldn't stop, hungrily devouring the images. It was like seeing the world through Kara's eyes and she couldn't get enough. "Do you want to see the rest of the building?"

"Hang on," Lena's eyes were darting over each picture faster and faster. "I want to see the end."

"Uh, they aren't really—" Kara's voice died in her throat as Lena reached the last page.

An old film photograph along with a strip of negatives sat in a protective sleeve, a family smiling back at her.

Squinting, Lena recognized the young girl as Kara. Sitting on her lap was a younger boy and they looked like siblings. The couple in the photograph had their arms around the two children and she could see Kara had the man's nose, the woman's eyes and strong jaw line.

Feeling as though she'd invaded Kara's privacy, Lena mumbled an apology and started to close the binder but Kara put a hand on her leg and she froze. "Lena. It's okay. I just...I haven't really shown anyone that picture. I keep it in there for myself."

"Who are they?" Lena asked. The weight of Kara's hand on her knee was warm and heavy and _very much there_ and she tried not to stare at the way the blonde's lip trembled.

Kara swallowed. "That's my family." The sympathetic look Lena shot her unhinged something in her and she sniffled.

Kara's eyes were shiny with tears and Lena was so close could see flecks of dark grey in the blue irises. Her chest tightened and she couldn't think of anything to say.

"I thought you said you had a sister," she blurted out. _Stupid, tactless girl. _"I'm sorry, I don't mean to pry."

"It's okay. I did—I do. Have a sister, I mean." Kara stumbled over the words and Lena put a hand over hers, feeling it tremble.

"You don't have to explain." Kara's throat bobbed up and down and Lena couldn't stop her eyes from raking in the lines and tendons and _skin_. "You just met me and I'm asking personal questions and being rude."

Kara saw Lena's face fall and rushed to console the other girl, forgetting her own sadness in the process. "No, no. You're being really sweet; I offered you a tour and started crying. You must think I'm insane."

"I don't think you're insane," Lena said adamantly. "And hey, I'm usually bad with family stuff, for obvious reasons, but if you ever want to talk I'll be here."

"Yeah." Kara traced a finger over the faces in the photograph, looking sad, then closed the binder. "I have to get home for dinner. I'll see you tomorrow."

While she was getting into her car she wondered what it was about the new girl that made her want to tell her everything. Something about the eyes, maybe. Behind Lena's eyes she had seen a pain that matched her own in a way that no one else's had since she was eight years old.

She can't dump her history on Lena. They'd only just met. Even Mike didn't know the full story—Mike didn't know half the story.

Starting the engine, Kara exhaled and began to drive.

Maybe one day she could tell Lena everything.


	2. First Impressions Are Important

A sharp knocking at her door woke Lena up the next morning.

_Shit. Did I oversleep?_

Glancing at the watch on her wrist, she squinted at the hands. _5:30 a.m._ It was her brother's, the only thing left of him that Lillian hadn't shut away in his room under lock and key.

The knock came again, this time with a quiet call. "Lena? You awake?"

_Kara. _Lena shot up, looking around. She caught a look at herself in the mirror on the door and froze. Her hair looked like something had nested in it and she was wearing an old Metallica shirt of Lex's. Anxiety locked her mouth shut and she waited for the knock to come again. It didn't, and she sunk back down, her heart thudding in her chest.

An hour later her 6:30 alarm went off and she rolled over, yawning.

_Did I dream it?_

She thought about the implications of it—dreaming about Kara—while throwing on the same jeans as yesterday and the shirt she had gotten at the dorm meeting. It was white and had a picture of a falcon on the back along with the crest of Midvale Prep, and wasn't particularly flattering but she didn't care. She had never been one to show off her body. She stared at the only picture on her desk, the polaroid from yesterday of her and Kara drinking the same milkshake, and smiled to herself.

With nothing to do until 10, she considered going to breakfast but realized she had no one to sit with.

_Just sit by yourself. It's not like it'll be anything new._

Picking up her old copy of _Gone With the Wind,_ she had to psych herself up before leaving for the Thomas Baker Student Center. There was no one in line and as she spooned eggs onto her plate, the woman behind the counter smiled at her.

"Hey there, darling. Early start?"

Glancing up then quickly back down, Lena nodded.

"You look familiar. Were you here last year?"

"No," Lena mumbled, walking off. She hurried past the few other tables and sat in the corner, only noticing once she sat down that she had left her book back in the kitchen. Steeling herself to walk across the mostly empty dining hall, she had just pushed back her chair when a shadow fell across her table.

"Can I sit?" A grey-eyed girl plopped down, not waiting for Lena's answer. "We haven't been formally introduced. I'm Elizabeth Martindale." She stole a grape off Lena's plate. "That's my table, if you want to sit with us." She pointed with a painted nail to where a group of girls was chatting and they all looked over at the same time.

"No thanks, I like sitting by myself."

Elizabeth stole another grape and gave her a smug smile as if to say _"No, you don't"_. "You're never gonna get in with the right crowd if you hang out with people like Kara and Thomas. You're a Luthor, you're rich. You don't belong with them, you belong with us."

Lena instantly disliked this girl and wished her brother were there. Lex would never have let her talk to Lena like that, Lex would have the perfect comeback, wouldn't have been afraid to tell her off in front of a room full of people. Lex would have done a lot of things, some of them unimaginable. "I just like sitting alone."

"You're gonna regret it if you don't sit with us," Elizabeth started.

"You left your book, darling." A woman's voice, coming to her rescue. The lady from behind the counter smiled down on them, shooting a disapproving look at the grey-eyed girl. "Sounds like she wants to be left alone."

"Butt out, you old hag," Elizabeth spat, but she got up and went back to her own table.

Lena watched her go, horrified. "I can't believe she said that to you, I'm so sorry." She had been raised in a world where if you talked back to any adult you paid dearly and she couldn't believe Elizabeth had the nerve to talk like that to such a nice woman.

"It's all right," the lady gave her a conspiratorial grin. "I'm used to it. That girl walked around all last year like she was the shit, so it's nothing new."

Taken aback by the woman's swearing, Lena reached for her book. "Thanks."

"Don't mention it. My name's Lydia, I'm the head of Midvale Prep Food Service. You ever need anything, let me know." She had a strong South African accent and Lena smiled shyly.

"Thanks."

"Sweetie, I'm not one to tell people what do to, but steer clear of that girl. Everything else will come easily."

The book was already open but Lena looked back up. "Why are you being so nice to me?"

The older woman smiled at her sympathetically. "You looked like you needed it." A small crowd was coming down the stairs and she turned to see who it was.

"Hi, Lydia!" Kara's face beamed across the dining hall and Lydia waved back as she disappeared into the kitchen.

"Now she's someone you should be friends with," Lydia said happily. "That Kara Danvers never forgets to say hello to everyone, she's always kind, and one smart cookie to boot."

"I know her, actually," Lena said, a hopeful feeling in her chest. Maybe she was off to a good start. "We met yesterday."

"Good, I'm glad. Well, I better get back but I'll let her know you're over here." Lydia was gone before she could protest and she sat, staring at her book without reading the words until another shadow crossed her table.

"Hey," Kara said cheerfully, her shirt identical to Lena's but in green. "Nice shirt," she winked, the smell of baking accompanying her as she sat down. Thomas and a few other people were trailing after her talking among themselves. "You don't mind if we sit here, do you?" she said at the surprised look on Lena's face.

"Go ahead," Lena shrugged, tucking a bit of hair behind her ear. "It's not like anyone else wants to sit with the town pariah." _Whoops. That wasn't supposed to slip out._

Kara knit her eyebrows but didn't comment. "How was your first night?"

"Pretty good," Lena lied. She had tossed and turned until three in the morning thinking about her brother. "Hey, were you in my dorm this morning? I thought I heard your voice," she said shyly, not wanting to be wrong.

"Oh, yeah," Kara said casually. "I had to get here early and I was gonna show you this cool place to see the sunrise but I realized I didn't have your number."

"Oh," Lena said, hiding her disappointment. _I should've gotten up._

"Some other time." Kara touched her shoulder and a mixture of reaction and electricity made her tense. "Remind me to give you my number after orientation."

"Sure."

Stabbing her eggs, she started to eat as Kara talked about the upcoming orientation. The way she held herself, that contagious smile; it was like she was a magnet and everyone was drawn to her without helping it, Lena included. The book lay open on the table next to her and time flew by as she listened to Kara's voice, amazed by the amount of food the blonde was managing to put away while she was talking.

"Oh, crap, I gotta go. I'm supposed to talk a little before it starts, your mom is probably waiting," Kara said to Thomas. "Make sure Lena gets there on time, okay?"

"No problem." Thomas gave her a thumbs up.

"Bangarang. See you guys soon!" Kara went to clear her plate, her golden hair bouncing off her shoulders.

Lena raised an eyebrow. "Your mom?"

Thomas rolled his eyes. "My last name is Rousseau." He shoved a spoonful of cereal in his mouth like that explained everything.

"Rousseau? Rousseau, like Savannah Rousseau?" Lena's eyes widened when Thomas nodded, chewing. "Your mom is the headmaster?"

"Head_mistress_," Thomas said proudly. "Don't worry, I'm not an asshole about it."

"Yes, he is," Mike piped in, shoving an entire pancake in his mouth a second later. He almost choked when Thomas slapped his chest and Lena laughed nervously, not sure whether to say something or stop him from asphyxiating.

"Whatever, Mikey. I have to follow the rules more than anyone here or I risk embarrassing the family bloodline," he joked. "My mom likes Kara more than she likes me."

"What's this speech Kara has to give?" Lena asked curiously.

"She's student body president, she usually says something at every school function."

"President, huh?"

Thomas shrugged. "Is it surprising?"

"Honestly? No." By the end of breakfast Lena was feeling more social than she had in weeks and she got up with the rest of them to head out. "Why would someone like Kara be friends with someone like me?" she muttered under her breath, mentally comparing herself to the raucous group Mike seemed to be the leader of.

"Don't take it personally, Kara just wants everyone to like her," Thomas said flippantly. "It helps that she's a ray of sunshine. Want me to put your book in my bag?"

Lena hesitated. She had scrawled notes and doodles all over her copy and it was one of her treasures—any of her books were, really, but it was the copy her birth mother had written in.

"I suggest you do it," Mike clapped a hand on her shoulder and she started. He didn't seem to notice, washing down the pancake with a cup of coffee. "If you don't, it's gonna get wet or covered in paint or something." He seemed to be over his mood from the day before and she smiled shyly at him.

"Paint? What kind of orientation is this?" She handed Thomas the book, her eyes on it until the zipper shut it away.

"You'll see," he winked, slinging the bag over his shoulder. "Come on. Kara will kill me if she thinks I've already led you astray."

* * *

A whirlwind five days passed of orientation and hanging out with Kara and her friends. No one seemed to care that she was a little jumpier than everyone else, staying away from the more rowdy orientation activities. No one seemed to care that her last name was Luthor, no one but the Martindale girl, and she had steered clear of her since that first day in the dining hall. She had already picked up on some of the lingo everyone used, the bubble-like atmosphere making it easier. They referred to New York City as simply 'the city', because it was the biggest one near them. The Thomas Baker Student Center was the 'stud', and the William Pratt Arts Center was just 'Pratt'.

But today was the first day of classes and she didn't know what to expect. Today wasn't another day of watching Kara bobbing for apples, it was finally learning something and Lena was ready for it. What she wasn't ready for was being alone. Nerves were making her stomach do back flips at the idea that her friends might not be in her classes and she doesn't miss that it's a new feeling.

_Guess I've never had friends before._

At all her other schools she had admirers, people that were after her for clout or money or simply to see if the Luthors were human beings.

"Come on, Lena," she muttered, touching the picture of her and Kara without thinking about it. It was so much easier making new friends with Kara there to do the introductions and show people that she wasn't some scary, serious, quiet girl from uptown.

Taking a deep breath, she looked at her outfit again. Dress pants and brown booties and a professional looking blue blouse. Her mother had always said first impressions were important and she needed to start the year on the right side of the teachers, already coming in with a laundry list of things to use against her. Back at her last school there had been uniforms, expensive uniforms that made her hate her reflection every time she looked in a school mirror. With nothing but a simple dress code—no blue denim jeans or sweatpants—she knew most of her wardrobe would fit within the guidelines but she still spent almost half an hour picking the right ensemble.

_AP world history, AP french, AP chemistry, AP biology, AP english language, multi-linear algebra, AP physics._

Heading for the dining hall, she saw Lydia when she walked in. "Good morning."

"You're up so early every day. You nervous?"

Lena took her time picking a bagel, sliding it in to the toaster. "Does it show?"

"You tell me. If you convince yourself you belong here there's nothing to be nervous about," Lydia said with a smile. "That's what I told myself when we immigrated here, anyway."

"Do you ever miss it?"

"My country? Sometimes. But there was a lot of things wrong with it and you have to keep moving forward," she said wisely.

Lena's bagel popped out and she jumped. "I guess I am nervous," she said with a chuckle. She wished Kara was there with her bright smile and contagious positivity, but Kara didn't live on campus; she was a fifteen minute drive away and only came early for orientation. Thomas had also warned her that he wouldn't be getting up early for breakfast during the year, being very much a night owl. Lena had learned to function on less sleep; she was a morning person and the nightmares that kept her sweating were reason enough to stay up working most nights.

She tightened her backpack strap and was pouring herself a cup of coffee when she heard someone say "Bangarang!"

Turning at Kara's signature phrase, she bit back a smile. The blonde girl was in the corner with Lydia, who was handing her a box of donuts. She saw the older woman nod in her direction and whipped back around, pretending she wasn't watching. As she headed for a table she heard footsteps behind her and tried to think of something to say, her heart skipping a beat.

"For someone with shorter legs, you walk awfully fast," Kara quipped, sidling up next to her. She had on an over-sized varsity football jacket with the name 'Bartlett' across the back. "Nice clothes," she said, eyeing Lena's outfit.

Lena turned, a smile already on her lips. "Thanks. What are you doing here?"

The other girl smiled and Lena saw that she had expertly applied the smallest amount of makeup; a little mascara and an eye shadow that made her crystal-blue eyes pop out more than usual. Lillian had paid someone to come by every morning for a year to show her the ins and outs of cosmetics and while Lena could compete with the best makeup artists, she avoided putting on even lip gloss or anything that would draw more attention to her.

"I figured Tom wouldn't get up early so I thought I'd come by, have breakfast with you."

"You normally get up this early?"

"Yeah, I'm definitely a morning person," Kara said unconvincingly, pushing her glasses up. "What's your schedule?" She changed the subject, stacking a donut on top of Lena's bagel. "I can show you the buildings again if you want."

"I don't need you to," Lena said without thinking. Seeing Kara's thinly masked look of hurt, she quickly backtracked. "I mean, you can. I just—I remember the way."

"From two days ago?" Kara bit into a donut, sprinkles falling all over the table.

"I have a photographic memory." She stared at her plate, waiting for Kara to call her a freak. She hadn't been alone with the blonde since that first day and now here she was, proving yet again she didn't belong with people like Kara. Normal, happy people that didn't worry about anxiety or saying the wrong thing or...

"You're so lucky," Kara was saying, jealousy creeping into her tone. "I wish I had a photographic memory, it would've helped in half my classes last year. But you still didn't tell me your schedule."

"AP chemistry, AP english lang, multi-linear algebra, AP physics, AP world history, AP biology, AP french," Lena rattled off. Kara had a funny expression on her face when she finished and she slid down in her chair. "What?" she said self-consciously. "It's just a regular course load."

"First of all, that is definitely not a regular course load. Who are you, Albert Einstein? Jesus. And second, your eyes light up when you talk about school and it's cute." She said it like it was no big deal and started in on another donut. "Maybe you'll have to tutor me, I'm only in french four. We'll definitely have English and World together since this school is so small and probably chemistry too, but I got out of taking a math this year."

Lena gave her a tentative smile, running a hand through her hair. She was so caught up in trying to sound halfway intelligent that she missed the way Kara's eyes tracked her hands. "You don't like math?"

"I like some maths. I did AP calc last year and got a 5 on the test but anything beyond that? It's a whole other language. My parents are both doctors and my sister's on the medical track too, so I'm sticking with the chemistry but I'm not as drawn to it as I am to journalism. Hence all the photographs. I take it you like science?"

"I love it," Lena said earnestly. "Plus, everyone in my family went to an Ivy League and most of them graduated early so I always feel like I'm playing catch up."

"If everyone is that smart, genetics is on your side." Kara shrugged and dusted powdered sugar off her hands.

"Genetics isn't really on my side." Lena frowned at her uneaten bagel. _Did I say that out loud?_ Kara looked like she already knew what Lena was going to say but she just raised an eyebrow.

Lena took a deep breath, picking at her bagel. "I'm adopted." The word felt awkward on her tongue; words she had whispered to herself when she was younger and wanted to believe she wasn't all bad, words she had cried over, words that had been pitted against her in court.

"No way! Me too! That's so cool that we have that in common." Kara grinned at her.

Thinking of the picture of Kara and the young boy, and her stuttered _"I have a sister,"_ Lena frowned, checking her watch. "Yeah. Cool." She was torn between the confusingly warm feeling like she had done something right, sharing another similarity with Kara, and the thought of letting her repressed feelings spill over. She knew they were just below the surface, fighting to get out now that Lillian wasn't around to beat them back, but her brain didn't give her much of a choice, shoving the feelings away in a box. She blinked, hard, until it passed.

It was Kara's turn to frown, putting down her fourth donut. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, why?"

"I dunno, you just got this look on your face. My mom gets the same one whenever she has a migraine."

"Can I ask you something?" She leaned forward and Kara mirrored her. Glancing at Kara's face, Lena swallowed. "How many people do you think watched the trial?"

Kara sat back, biting her lip. "I don't really know." She had wondered when it would come up, Lena's past, but she hadn't wanted to push the fragile-looking girl before she was ready. She knew better than anyone that all the smiles she had seen during orientation were just a few degrees off and she felt for the brunette. "Everyone watches the news and there were snippets on every channel, but since the trial happened in National City it wasn't broadcasted everywhere here like it was out west. I wouldn't worry. I judge people based on their own merits and so do most of the people here."

"Did you...did you see it?"

Kara shook her head. "I tend to avoid conflict. I know a little bit from the grapevine, but I've never been one to obsess over other people's lives." Rewarded with Lena's hopeful look, Kara continued earnestly. "I don't plan on watching it, either. If you want to tell me about it, that's your business."

"Thank you," Lena breathed, relief swelling in her chest. "You're my only friend here and I couldn't bear it if you stared like all the others."

Kara hadn't missed the looks Lena had attracted when she was walking around campus, even some of the adults had seemed wary of her. Lena was always looking down at the ground but Kara had seen the facial expressions—fear, apprehension, and perhaps the worst of all, pity. "If people stare at you it's probably because you're insanely hot," she pointed out, trying to brighten Lena's mood. Her phone buzzed and she shot an apologetic glance at Lena who was blushing over the compliment.

"Hey, babe, I'm at breakfast. With Lena. No, you left it at my house the other night...I'm sure because I'm wearing it, you dork...Yes, I'll bring you a donut. I love you too."

Lena's eyes were on her face, watching her expressions change and memorizing the way her hands moved when she talked. "Mike?"

"Yeah." Kara shoved the phone in her pocket and stood up. "Take a donut cause he'll finish the box. I'll see you in class!" She ran off before Lena could answer her, leaving her with a donut in each hand.

* * *

"I'm Mr. Puckett and I'll be teaching you advanced placement biology. This is a serious, college level course and I'm not getting paid to babysit, so if you think you can't handle it go complain to your academic advisor. Otherwise, I don't want to hear it. Any questions? No? Good, let's get started. Who can tell me about entropy and homeostasis and the part they play in our world?"

Having already reviewed the syllabus, Lena zones out a minute later. Unbidden, the thought jumps to her mind of Kara taking photographs of her. The way the crinkle would form at the scar between her eyebrows, her blonde hair falling in front of the camera. They would laugh and Lena would feel silly posing but she desperately wants to see how Kara would frame it, whether she would use a digital camera or spend the time to develop a film.

"Lena?"

She looked up, her finger on the textbook page. "Mr. Puckett? I'm listening, I swear."

"Class is over. Welcome to Midvale prep."

Lena glanced around and sure enough, the classroom was empty. Shoving her chair back she packed away her things, keeping her head down. "Sorry, I'll get out of your way." She ducked out of the room, already tracing the path in her head. The chemistry room was in the same building just on the upper floor, and she headed for the stairs. The plaque on the wall gleamed at her, mocked her, her mother's name engraved in neat, shiny letters and she sped up, almost walking into two people holding hands by the stairwell.

"Lena!" It was Kara and Mike. "Are you headed to chemistry?" The other girl looked elated to see her and Lena couldn't help but smile back.

"Yeah, with Rojas. "

"You're gonna love Mrs. Rojas, she's super sweet." Kara had to stand on her tip toes to kiss her boyfriend then she was grabbing Lena's arm, pulling her up the crowded stairs. There was a moment when Lena held back but Kara's grip was firm and she recovered quickly. The blonde's pants were very well-tailored and _very_ tight and Lena tried not to stare, failing miserably until they reach the top.

"You already know Mrs. Rojas?"

They leaned against the wall and Kara dropped her hand. "She's my soccer coach. Speaking of which, practices start in a week and we need a manager for the team. I know you don't play sports..."

"It's hard when your boobs have a mind of their own," Lena said without thinking, and Kara's peal of laughter carried through the hall. "What?" She said defensively. "It's true." She was secretly pleased at Kara's laugh, though she thought she could see Mike glaring at her from the foot of the stairs.

Still laughing, Kara leaned in; her hand brushed Lena's leg and sent a warm tingle through her body. "I think you have great boobs, objectively speaking."

"You're not too bad yourself," Lena couldn't stop the words as the door opened and Kara laughed again.

"Thanks. I'm sure Mike would agree with you."

* * *

Thomas and Kara are both in her English class after lunch and Kara sits next to her in world history, but there isn't a single soul in the math wing when she arrives for multi.

"Is this it?" Lena glanced at the only other person in the room.

"Probably," the other kid shrugged. He turned to face her and all the air whooshed out of her lungs.

It's like looking at a ghost. He had a shock of unruly, dirty blonde hair and green eyes just like her own.

"Lex?" Her whisper was barely audible. She felt disoriented, like she was wrenched back into her past and looking up at her adopted brother like he was her hero. In a way, he had been.

The boy knit his eyebrows. "I'm Nathaniel. You can call me Nate, though." His voice sounded nothing like her brother's. He made no move to get up, shooting her a bored look, and Lena had to bite the inside of her cheek to stop herself from saying something.

She barely heard the teacher, a Mr. Arthur Cryderman, explain that they were the only two students in the school at that advanced level of math. His lecture morphed into a buzzing that she didn't process, trying not to steal glances at Nathaniel. When the class finished she made a beeline for the arts building, running downstairs to the practice rooms and pacing in an empty piano studio.

_It's not Lex. _

_Call your brother._

_He's the reason you—_

She sat down at the piano bench, cutting off her inner monologue. Taking a deep breath, she rested her fingers on the keys. It wasn't the same as any of Lillian's grand pianos but she played a chord, feeling the music soothe the aching in her chest.

That's what it was. That's why she was so on edge and couldn't sleep. She usually listened to music every second she was out of class, and if she wasn't listening to it, she was playing it. But lately she had been so caught up with Kara and all her new friends she hadn't had time to, had rushed by the pianos she had seen down here when Kara gave her the tour. Had been surrounded by friends every second of every day.

She played the same chord again and muscle memory kicked in. The piece Lex had taught her echoed from the strings and out the door, which she had left ajar in her panic.

Trying not to think, she closed her eyes and let the music flow. Every time her mind dredged up an image of her brother she locked it away in a box, focusing only on the music and the feel of the keys beneath her fingers. Her back straightened and she didn't hear someone approaching, didn't hear them ease the door open a little wider and lean against the frame.

Letting the last note drift away, Lena opened her eyes to see a reflection of blonde hair in the shiny, lacquered wood. A small gasp escaped her lips at the unexpected audience.

"I was going to invite you to hang out with us on the quad," Kara said, an intense expression on her face, "But it looks like you don't enjoy crowds. You should've told me, I wouldn't have made you go out all those other times."

"What makes you say that?" Everything was a little more manageable with Kara in the same room as her. The strange homesickness she had been carrying around eased and the world seemed a little bit brighter.

Kara took a step closer to the piano, noticing that Lena's eyes were lighter than she'd ever seen them. "Let's see, the second you're done with school you run down here to play Chopin by yourself and—"

"You know the piece?"

"Nocturne in C sharp minor. I..." Something shifted in Kara's expression and she wasn't the bubbly, happy girl Lena was used to. She looked sad and resigned and Lena's heart twinged with sympathy. "I listened to it a lot when I was younger," the blonde said vaguely. "You're very good."

_What had she been about to say?_

Lena licked her lips. "Lex taught me that piece when I was twelve." She hadn't said his name aloud to Kara before and her voice cracked slightly. "Do you know how to play it?"

The older girl raised her eyebrows. "Twelve. You are a fascinating girl, Lena Luthor. You're definitely an introvert, and yet you hung out with me and my rowdy group of friends for almost a solid week. You must be exhausted."

Lena didn't miss the way Kara deflected the conversation back to her but she closed the lid, hiding the keys. "How do you figure that?"

"I read somewhere that introverts get their energy from being alone. Extroverts get their energy from being with people. I hate being alone, that's how I know I'm an extrovert." Kara shrugged but her eyes were still dark. "I haven't listened to anyone playing the piano in a long time."

"Didn't Midvale Prep host a piano workshop two years ago? You must have been here for it." Lillian had tried to force her to visit her potential school but she had finals that week and got out of it.

"I was." Kara sat on the floor, her book bag on her knees. "You don't mind if I leave the door open, do you? I get a little claustrophobic. And yeah, I met Mike when I was running away from it. I hate piano music." She rolled the sleeves of her boyfriend's jacket up and pulled out a binder. The paper in the front sleeve was covered in doodles of hearts and a cute cartoon elephant.

"You hate it...but you can recognize the pieces. And you listened to it when you were younger." Lena's sentence came out halting, confused, intrigued by the inconsistency of Kara's statements. She felt like she was on the brink of a secret, a hidden part of Kara that she desperately wanted to know.

"That's right." Kara looked up at her from her homework and the moment dissipated. "Will you play me something?"

"Something else?" Lena asked, surprised.

"Anything other than that piece. Maybe some Debussy, if you're taking requests." A quick flash of teeth lit up the room and Lena uncovered the keys again.

"Aren't your friends waiting for you?" Kara was acting like it was no big deal and Lena was determined to follow her lead, ignoring the pounding in her chest. "Are you sure you'd rather be here listening to music you hate?"

"I won't hate it if you're playing it," Kara said easily, not glancing up. "And it might help me write this article for the weekly paper."

Wracking her brain for repertoire, Lena brought her hands up again. The beginning strains of Debussy's _Reverie_ started playing and she closed her eyes again, trusting her fingers to remember the way.

They sat like that for two hours, Lena playing piece after piece and Kara listening in the corner. She gave up on the article and turned her phone off, watching Lena's fingers dance along the keyboard, how she moved as she played. There was something about the dark-haired girl that intrigued Kara, made her forget that the room she was in was tiny and the walls felt like they were closing in on her. Her pale skin caught Kara's eye and the way her fingers moved...

_No, Kara,_ she admonished herself.

As she finished a piece by Satie, Lena heard Kara moving around and opened her eyes for the first time in hours. "What time is it?" Her voice was hoarse.

"A little after five. I have to be home for dinner, but thank you. Really." Kara put a hand on her shoulder and when Lena met her gaze the blue eyes were clear and had lost their unusual dark tone. "We should do this again once soccer practice starts up."

"Anytime," Lena said, a little startled that time had passed so quickly. Kara slung her backpack over her shoulder and left, giving her one last smile before vanishing up the stairs.

Instead of doing her homework, Lena skipped dinner and tried to draw Kara from memory. The charcoal sketches came out blurred, choppy, like the energy of the girl couldn't be contained in the crumbling grey pencils, and she brushed at the paper in frustration.

By 10:30 her floor was littered with several pages ripped out of her sketchbook, all covered in pictures of Kara. Smiling in the sun, talking with her hands, pulling her hair into a ponytail. A knock at her door had her fumbling to pick them up.

"Lena?"

"Yes?" Her voice cracked and she clutched the papers to her chest. "Come in."

It was just Ms. Kincaid, smiling and holding a clipboard. "You didn't check in, I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

"I'm fine." She must have looked a mess because the older woman looked at her with concern plain on her face.

"Okay. I'm here if you need to talk." She backed away, closing the door behind her.

Lena ran across the room to lock it, sliding down the wall. She felt dirty, like she had been caught doing something she shouldn't have. Which was ridiculous, because Ms. Kincaid hadn't even seen anything.

_You are a fascinating girl, Lena Luthor._

* * *

Kara pulled into her driveway and unlocked the front door.

"I'm home," she called out, hearing voices. Her two dogs came bounding up to her and she bent down to rub their bellies. "Hi Osh. Who's a good boy, Krypto, who's a good boy?"

"Hi, honey. How was your day?" Eliza's voice was coming from the kitchen and Kara walked towards it.

"It was great, actually. I—Alex!" Kara stopped in her tracks, her backpack falling to the ground and nearly hitting Krypto in the face. "I didn't know you were coming home!" She tackled her sister in a hug, wrapping her arms around her. "I'm so glad to see you!"

"Me too, sis." Glancing at their parents, Alex untangled Kara from her body. "I have some news for you."

"Okay," Kara said a little warily. Alex had a gleam in her eye that usually meant they were going to narrowly avoid getting in trouble. It was the same one she'd had when they'd stolen some of Jeremiah's liquor a few years ago and gotten drunk in their bedroom, the same one she'd had when she tried to convince Kara to go skinny dipping with her in the neighborhood pool—without success.

"I'm moving back home."

Kara's jaw dropped. "What?! Are you dropping out of college? Are you letting her drop out of college?" She turned to her parents, a shocked look on her face.

"No, no, no, nothing like that." Alex waved her hands. "I'm transferring. To NYU."

"What do you mean, transferring?" Kara sputtered. Her 20 year old sister was moving back home? Since when? She thought back to the call she'd gotten in Lena's room, where Alex had been crying and she could barely make the words out, just that her sister needed a break and needed to come home.

"I got into NYU and I talked to mom and dad about it and I'm finishing my bachelor's degree there." Shooting a look at her mom, Alex winked at her sister. "We can stay up late and talk about it. I want to hear about everything I've missed. You still with Mike?"

"Not too late," Jeremiah warned. "I know you have a week off for moving but Kara has school in the morning."

Already falling back into the habit of siding with her older sister, Kara beamed. "Dad, have I ever been late to school?"

"I wouldn't know," he said with a pointed look at her innocent expression. "Everyone there loves you so much they wouldn't tell me if you skipped a month of classes."

Kara rolled her eyes. "It'll be fine. Let's eat."

* * *

"So." Kara propped her legs up on the bed and stared at her sister. "Spill."

Alex took a deep breath. "You remember Sam?"

"Sam? Samantha Arias? The love of your life? The woman you've been dating for like, five years? How could I..." Alex's expression was somber and Kara snapped her mouth shut. "Wait." Understanding dawned on her face.

"Yeah." Alex exhaled sharply. "We broke up." She held her hands up to ward off Kara's hug. "It turned out she didn't want the same things I did and so I...I called it off. I called off the engagement."

"Alex," Kara breathed. "That's...Why didn't you say anything on the phone?"

"I wasn't sure when I called if that's what I wanted. But it is. Sam doesn't want kids, Sam _hates_ the idea of having kids. What was I supposed to do with that?" Alex said, arguing more with herself than her sister. "Marry her and hope that one day she changes her mind?"

"No, no. You deserve to be happy, I just...I'm so sorry, Alex," Kara said in a sad voice.

Alex sniffled, then rubbed a heavy hand at her eyes. "Don't make me cry now cause I'll never stop, and I wanted to come home and still be your badass older sister."

"You will always be my badass older sister." Kara sat next to her on the bed and leaned her head on Alex's shoulder. "Nothing will ever change that."

"Alright, ugh." Alex ran her hands through her hair. "I really don't want to talk about me. What's going on with you? Still going steady with that jock?"

"Yeah, Mike's still really sweet. Mom still loves him, dad still talks about football with him every weekend—how much can you say about a sport that's just people destroying their brains in six-second bursts?" She had never enjoyed the violent sport but she tried to make it to all of Mike's games.

"Beats me." Alex chuckled and Kara prided herself that she got a laugh out of her sister. It was going to be a long, difficult road back to normal for Alex. Sam had shown her what living was really like and she was afraid Alex was going to disappear into the shadows again.

"I made friends with that girl from the news, Lena Luthor." Alex's expression changed to a suspicious one and Kara knit her eyebrows. "What?"

"I don't know. She sounds like bad news," Alex warned.

"On television, maybe. But it was her brother that got sent to jail."

Alex shook her head. "I forgot how much more coverage we had in California about this. I mean, it was national news and the Luthors have that mansion in New York but all we heard about for weeks was this trial and the whole scandal. Stanford gave up trying to get a gag order. Kara, this guy was one sick puppy."

"What did he do?" Kara felt like she was doing something she shouldn't be doing, digging into Lena's past without permission. But it was on the news, not in a private diary or a classified document.

"You really don't know?"

"I heard that he attacked someone, I just didn't want to read anymore."

Alex frowned, a surge of protectiveness in her chest keeping her from telling her sister the full story. "Why do you think this Lena Luthor is any better than her brother?"

Kara bit her lip, twirling a finger in her hair. "She plays piano."

"So what?" Alex's tone was harsh, almost rude.

"She played for me. Chopin."

To anyone outside the Danvers family that would have meant nothing, but Alex's eyes widened and her face took on a worried look. "And you listened to it? The whole thing? Are you okay?"

Nodding, Kara stretched out on the bed, staring at the ceiling. "I was fine. Really," she said at Alex's concerned expression. "It seemed...better. When she played it, I didn't feel trapped. And we were down in the practice room. Something about her, I guess."

"Was it, y'know..." Alex laid down next to her and pulled the blanket over them like when they were younger. They both barely fit on the twin bed, their shoulders touching.

"I told her I hated piano music," Kara said with a dry chuckle.

"You love piano music."

"I know. I just can't listen to it anymore since..."

"The accident." Alex took her sister's glasses off then reached across her, turning the bedside lamp off and setting them on the nightstand. "Are you going to tell her?"

Kara sighed loudly into the dark room, the silence stretching longer and longer. Memories flashed across her mind and she turned on her side, lifting her shirt up.

Alex knew immediately what she needed and her fingers traced the six inch scar on Kara's lower spine, massaging the raised, darker skin with gentle motions. "Does it still hurt?"

"No."

"Are you going to tell her?"

"I don't know."

Kara pulled her shirt back down and turned so she was facing her sister. Alex was her rock, the person that she knew she could always call, the person that knew more about her than Eliza or Jeremiah or any other living person on the planet. "You really think I should stay away from Lena?" If Alex really meant it, she would take her advice without question.

"Normally I'd say yes. But she played that piece and you didn't have any flashbacks? Nothing?"

"Nothing," Kara confirmed in a whisper. "What does that mean?"

"I don't know, baby girl. But it's gonna be alright."

Kara gave her a tired smile and closed her eyes. "And here I thought I was going to make you feel better."


	3. It's Not You, It's Me

"Heads up!" Kara dove forward, catching the frisbee a foot away from Lena's face.

She had effortlessly included Lena with her friends, leaving the younger girl to her own devices once they were all together. They had made a routine of private piano concerts on Thursday nights after soccer practice—Fridays were reserved for date nights or get-togethers—and Lena had gotten to know a little more about Kara. She loved elephants and hated fire, had mild claustrophobia, and was friends with everyone in the area. She also seemed to be genuinely interested in Lena's vague, guarded answers about her family and took care not to push it when Lena would shut down.

It was the first Sunday since the start of the year and everyone was out on the quad enjoying the weather; Lena was sitting underneath a shady tree and reading. The brunette didn't even look up as Kara tossed the frisbee back then bent down to tie her shoe. "That shirt really brings out your eyes...Hello? Earth to Lena?"

Finishing the sentence she was on, Lena scribbled something in the margin and closed her copy of _The Count of Monte Cristo._ "Yes?" she said distractedly.

"I just saved your life," Kara said haughtily, lying down in the grass next to her. "Hey, did you give any more thought to that manager thing?"

"Uh, yeah. I have too much work, sorry," Lena said lamely. Kara didn't say anything, just sighed, and her heart rate spiked. "Are you angry?" she asked in a small voice, familiar with Lillian's silences that would lead to violent outbursts. She snuck a glance at her friend but she couldn't make out her expression.

"What? Why would I be angry? I'm just watching the clouds go by." Kara grinned, flattening the grass next to her. "Join me."

She started to lie down when a shout of "Lena!" from across the quad made her freeze.

The effect it had on her wasn't lost on Kara; she saw Lena's pupils dilate dramatically, swallowing the bright green irises despite the afternoon sun, and propped herself up on her elbows, frowning.

"Lena," Thomas said again, dropping down to the grass next to them. "I've been looking for you."

"Why's that?" Lena asked warily. It looked like something had twisted in her body; her muscles were taught, her fists clenching and unclenching on the book cover, her shoulders pulled back as though a cord was tied to them.

"Kara mentioned you might be managing the girls' soccer team with me but I haven't seen you."

"Did she now?" Lena shot Kara an accusing look but the blonde just smiled.

"Yeah and I was gonna ask you something your first day as manager but you never showed."

Rolling up her sleeves, Lena eyed his hopeful expression. "And what were you going to ask me?"

"I was going to ask if you wanted to go to homecoming with me?"

Her mouth half-open, Lena was at a loss for words. "I barely know you." The first words out of her mouth didn't put Thomas off.

"I was hoping to change that." He put a hand on her shoulder and she jerked back, almost hitting Kara.

"Sorry, sorry. You static-shocked me," she lied. Feeling Kara's eyes on the back of her head, Lena hesitated then nodded slowly. "Sure."

"Awesome!" Thomas shot to his feet. "I'll text you when I know what I'm wearing." He was gone a second later and Kara laughed at Lena's baffled look.

"He likes you," she teased, lying back down.

"He's got a funny way of showing it," Lena muttered, opening her book again.

Kara hummed, closing her eyes. "He's a little quirky but he's got a good heart. What're you reading?"

"_The Count of Monte Cristo._"

"What's with all the markings?" Kara asked the question like she didn't care about the answer but it had been plaguing her since she'd seen Lena's copy of _Gone With the Wind._

"Just...things that make me feel..."

"Happy?"

"No. They just make me feel."

Kara opened an eye to see Lena staring off towards the football field, her gaze unfocused. "Make you feel what?"

"Anything."

Drinking that in, Kara lightly touched Lena's knee. She didn't miss the way the younger girl flinched but something warm blossomed in her chest because it wasn't the same as when Thomas had touched her. It wasn't the same as when anyone else touched her.

_Stop. You aren't going down this road again. _

"Hey. You okay?"

"Fine." Lena smiled down at her.

Mike yelled something to Kara and she waved at him. "I'll catch up with you later," she called back.

Lena felt a selfish twinge of satisfaction and hid it by concentrating on the yellow strands of hair blowing out of Kara's ponytail.

"Why do you read so much?"

"I'm not sure. I've always liked reading, and I guess...I feel like the people on the pages are more real than the people I walk by in real life." She played with a bit of grass, weaving the blades together.

Kara latched onto that. "It looks like you've already read that," she pointed to the book. It wasn't really a question but she was hungry for Lena's attention, hungry to have those piercing green eyes staring at her instead of at the ground. "What do you like about that book?"

She was rewarded with Lena's quick glance up, holding eye contact for as long as possible without it getting awkward. "It's a story of someone who was wronged and then spent many long years planning his revenge and carrying it out." She shrugged, her eyes looking like sea glass in the sunlight. "I relate to that." She chuckled darkly and put the book away. "What's with all the questions?" She said it with a little apprehension; normally the people that tried to get close to her were sent by her mother or wanted something from her.

"I just think you're cool." Kara shrugged, playing with Lena's hair. Her fingers deftly twisted a small braid out of the dark strands and Lena swallowed, pulling back.

"If you think I'm cool then you don't know me. I'm not a good person, Kara."

"That's not true." Kara's eyebrows knit and she dropped her hands. "I know you. You are a good person."

"No, I'm not." She said it so adamantly that Kara dropped the subject. She didn't look away from Lena, studying her face like it would reveal something that the brunette wasn't saying.

Squirming under the unrelenting cobalt gaze, Lena moved Kara's backpack—the girl had let her lean on it to read—and her hand caught the strap. The bag was unzipped from when Kara had gotten her frisbee and it fell sideways, the contents spilling out.

A pill bottle and a handful of what looked like tiny mints fell into the grass along with Kara's phone and a crumpled math packet.

"Crap," Kara muttered, already on her knees and picking them out of the dirt. "The lid must have come off."

Lena sat there looking dumbfounded as her friend scrabbled around. "Are you...a drug dealer?" she asked slowly. It wasn't unheard of. Back at her old school a girl named Beth had gotten in trouble for selling oxy to the younger kids and it had turned out to be part of one of the cities biggest drug rings. But Kara wasn't Beth, and there had to be another explanation.

"No!" Kara said vehemently, pouring the pills back into the bottle. "No, that's not what this is." She laughed but the sound was stilted. "I—don't tell Mike, okay?"

"Tell Mike what?" Lena picked up one of the pills that Kara missed and inspected it. She recognized it once it was closer, the numbers and letters.

Kara gave her a sheepish look. "I've been on them since I was eight. I never told him."

Raising an eyebrow, Lena scanned Kara's face and saw something that surprised her—guilt. "You've been dating him for two years. He doesn't know you're on antidepressants?"

"No," Kara said shortly, stuffing everything back in her bag. Her phone buzzed and she sat up, squinting at the screen. "Shoot. It's Alex."

"Your sister?" Lena was afraid she'd offended the other girl but Kara didn't seem too bothered.

"Yeah. She's been going through a rough patch." Kara turned away to answer the call and the smell of vanilla wafted in Lena's direction, carried by the wind.

"I'll be home soon...I'm leaving right now, don't do anything dumb, okay? Ten minutes, I'll speed...You know what I mean...I'll see you soon."

There wasn't a cloud in the sky but one passed over Kara's face. It was just like that day in the practice room but this time there was no mistaking the worry in her eyes. "Yeah. Hey, there's an away game on Thursday so we can't go to the practice rooms but if you want to tag along," she offered, standing up. Her expression said she didn't expect Lena to say yes.

Not wanting to miss an afternoon with Kara, Lena felt suddenly brave. "I'd like that."

The answering smile blinded her as much as the sun. "Bangarang. I'll drive you there. Do I have any grass on my butt?"

"Just some dirt." Lena brushed it away with a quick hand, feeling like she was crossing a line but Kara just laughed, oblivious to her awkwardness.

"Thanks. See you at breakfast." She started to walk away but paused, twisting her neck around. "Hey, Lee?"

Lena's head shot up. "Lee?"

"Yeah. Lena's too long."

"It's two syllables," Lena argued.

"Sure, sure." Kara's phone buzzed again and she glanced down, frowning again. "Never mind, I gotta run."

Disappointed, Lena watched her go. The second Kara was out of earshot, Elizabeth Martindale approached her from her sulking spot on the corner of the quad, her friends all sitting in a circle in the grass.

"I saw that, Luthor."

"Saw what?" Looking around she realized that almost everyone had gone to lunch. _Did I say something wrong to Kara?_

"I saw Thomas Rousseau ask you to homecoming."

Zipping up her bag, Lena kept her eyes down, standing up. "So?" she said amicably.

"Back off him. I'm warning you." The contempt in her tone made Lena uneasy.

She zeroed in on the girl's narrowed eyes, her crossed arms, defensive stance. "You like him." It slipped out before she could stop herself and she sucked in a breath, wishing she could suck the words back in with it.

"No, I don't," Elizabeth said immediately, confirming her theory. "Watch yourself, Luthor." Her voice hardened to a sneer and she shoved Lena, making her stumble back.

Her fight or flight response triggered and she tried to force it down, unsuccessfully.

"You really are a loser, aren't you?" Elizabeth said vindictively, seeing her pupils dilate in fear. "Why do you hang around people like Kara? One day she'll find out that you're nothing special and she'll hate you for it."

Lena's throat had closed up and words wouldn't come out. _She's right._

Elizabeth looked her up and down, scoffed in disgust and sauntered away. Pressing a hand to her pounding heart, Lena tried to calm her breathing. She thought of Kara and how the blonde girl would smile at her in chemistry class the next morning and slowly her heart rate returned to normal.

_Why wouldn't she tell Mike?_

Lena was slowly realizing that things weren't what they'd appeared her first day. Of course they weren't, you didn't stay with someone for two years and not have ups and downs. But for him to have no idea?

She returned to her room, confused, and more fascinated by Kara than ever.

* * *

_You ready to go?_

Lena glanced at her phone.

_Should I head to the Athletic Center?_

She had barely seen Kara outside of breakfast and class since the weekend because the other girl's life was so busy. Her heart skipped a beat at the idea of sitting alone in a car with Kara Danvers.

_Wait by your last class, I'll come get you._

Already walking away from the biology wing, she made an abrupt u-turn. Her shoulder was jolted by someone walking by and she had to put a hand out to brace herself against the wall. Straightening around, she saw Elizabeth's brown hair right before it hit her in the face.

"Are you still going to homecoming with Tommy?"

"I don't think he likes being called Tommy," Lena said, getting over her shock. Three girls with pinched faces surrounded her and she swallowed, shrinking against the wall. Scanning the science center's lobby she saw several people walking by and two people watching.

Elizabeth took a step forward, a menacing look on her face. "The dance is in two weeks, just keep that in mind."

"You have a lot of nerve."

Kara was walking towards them, the sun behind her making her look like an avenging angel. She had already changed into her soccer jersey; sweats, and a white penny with the number 27 and her last name on the back. Lena was visibly relieved and she closed her eyes.

"What are you gonna do about it, Danvers?"

The smell of fresh baked cookies that always hung around Kara parted the girls like she had pushed them. "Leave her alone, Elizabeth. What did she ever do to you?"

"Everyone thinks you're so cool but I saw you at Joe Thornton's party last month. You didn't have a single drink."

Kara's jaw clenched, a barely-there ripple of muscle, but her voice stayed even. "It's because I didn't drink anything that I could drive you home."

Elizabeth flushed, trying to cover up her faux pas. "Or maybe you just like driving that old car of yours because you think you're too good to ride the bus to your games. Not that a beat up Ford is anything to be proud of."

Blue eyes flashed and Lena saw a hint of fear cross Elizabeth's face. She had never seen Kara so tense, like she was about to jump off a cliff and didn't know if her parachute would open. "Get lost, Elizabeth." It was practically a growl and the hair on Lena's arm stood up; the four girls left the science center with Kara glaring after them.

"Is that why we're meeting here?" Lena asked timidly once the door closed.

"I always drive to the games." Kara's voice had returned to its usual light tone and she stuck her hands in her pockets. "I had to get my permit because there's no buses for private schools and I—I like driving." It looked like she'd wanted to say something else but stopped herself, something that she was now used to in Kara. It always felt like she was holding back, keeping something to herself even when her expression was honest and open and _alarmingly_ attractive—

"You like driving." They started walking towards the parking lot and Lena tried to forget about Kara's sudden intensity but the look in her eyes had seared itself onto her brain.

"Yeah." Kara stopped by an old-fashioned black car and fished for her keys.

"The same way you hate piano music?" Lena raised an eyebrow.

Kara dumped her backpack in the back seat and blew out a breath. "I don't actually hate piano music."

"I gathered." Lena slid into the passenger seat. The whole car smelled of Kara and she took a deep breath. "You have a 67' Thunderbird?"

Pulling out of the space, Kara looked over at her. "Good eye." She sounded impressed.

"I know my cars," Lena blushed.

"It was my grandfather's," Kara explained. "I learned how to fix it up because it's too expensive to have a mechanic work on anything from before the 90's. I take care of it like it's my baby."

They drove in silence for a few minutes until Lena's curiosity got the better of her. "So what, uh...what happened back there?"

Kara didn't answer for a while, keeping her eyes on the road. She was a very careful driver, Lena noticed, always waving other drivers ahead and stopping for every yellow light. "I just don't like bullies," she said shortly, turning left. It wasn't rude but Lena sensed there was more to it than that, more that she couldn't ask about without invading her privacy.

She tried a different line of questioning. "She's a sophomore?"

"Yeah."

"How come she's so..."

"Unpleasant? Dunno. I did get the lead part in the musical last year over her, so I don't think she likes me very much." Kara winked at Lena. "She's probably making your life miserable because you're friends with me, so run away while you can."

Lena made a face. "That's dumb."

"Do you know who her mother is?" Kara looked over at her, squinting in the sun.

Mesmerized by the colors swirling in the blonde girl's eyes, Lena had to remind herself to blink. "No idea."

"Susan Martindale."

"The actress?"

Kara nodded. "That's the one."

Pursing her lips, Lena decided not to mention that she knew the woman personally. She had properties next to Lillian's along the coast and Lena had met her at several of her mother's cocktail parties. "Do you think her friends are really her friends?"

Kara hit the brakes a little too hard and Lena slid forward, her hand hitting the dashboard. "Sorry, sorry!" There was an unexpected desperation to her apology that Lena didn't understand.

"It's fine, really. Don't worry."

"What were you saying about friends?" Kara sounded distracted.

"I just thought, you know. Her mother is a well-known public figure, maybe her friends aren't really her friends. Maybe they're after something else."

"Huh. I never thought about it." Kara smirked at her. "Maybe I'm only friends with _you_ because of your mom."

"It's a little different. My mother is _infamous _and the only networking she can do is hook you up with an assassin," Lena said bitterly. Kara didn't know she was only half joking and she switched topics quickly. "If Elizabeth's only been here a year, why does she think she has the right to act like such a dick?"

Kara shrugged. "She's rich," she said, as though that explained everything.

"That doesn't mean she can do whatever she wants."

"Doesn't it? You could run across campus naked and your mom would cover it up," Kara teased her, checking her side views.

A pang of self-hatred shot through her and Lena stared out the window. "I never get to do what I want," she said quietly. They were almost to the other school but Kara slowed down. "What are you doing?"

"I'm speeding up," Kara said sarcastically, pulling over by a coffee shop. She put the car in park and pursed her lips at Lena's expression. "You're taking an insane amount of classes, the school bully won't leave you alone and you look like you need a second to think."

"I..." Lena fell silent at the look in Kara's eyes, her heart pounding so hard she was surprised Kara couldn't hear it. It was something she hadn't seen since the Luthors adopted her. Genuine concern. Kara looked a lot more concerned than she needed to be. "I'm just...confused."

"Okay, that's a start. What are you confused about?" Kara didn't look away from her.

"Aren't you gonna be late?" Lena asked worriedly. "The game—"

"Lena. What's going on with you?"

Lena sighed, settling into the leather seat. She counted every tick on the speedometer, stalling for time. "There's a boy in my math class." She traced a finger along the dashboard. There wasn't a speck of dust anywhere; Kara hadn't been lying when she said she took care of her car. "Actually, he's the only other person in my math class."

"And what about him confuses you?" There was no accusation in Kara's tone and Lena felt her walls coming down but she still said nothing, rolling down the window.

The heat from the summer pavement radiated up and she stuck an arm out, watching the light glint off her watch. Another minute passed in silence and she could feel Kara's eyes on the side of her face like a laser burning her skin.

"He looks just like my brother."

After a moment Kara spoke, her voice quiet and soothing. "And how do you feel about that?" She had stopped herself from googling Lex's name because she wanted her friend to tell her herself, but Lena hadn't mentioned her brother in days.

_How do I feel about it? I can't look him in the eye, I can't even look at his face. He did nothing wrong and yet every time I see him it's like a million knives cutting into me ._

She couldn't say any of that to Kara.

The silence yawned longer and longer and when it became apparent that Lena wasn't going to say anything else, Kara started driving again. "You don't have to say anything if you don't want to," she said as they pulled onto a main road. "Just know that if you ever want to talk, I'll be here." Shooting Lena a side glance, she cleared her throat.

"You didn't, um, mention anything to Mike about the other day..."

"No. You asked me not to," Lena said simply. That was all the reason she needed.

"Cool, cool." Kara blew out a breath. "Can I ask your advice on something?"

"Anything." Lena sat up, the wind whipping her hair around. Kara's was in a ponytail and didn't fly around too much and she wished she had thought to grab a hair tie before she left.

Kara wordlessly handed one to her like she had been reading her mind.

"Thanks." She pulled her hair into a tight ponytail then sat back. "So what's going on?"

"It's my sister. She just broke up with her fiancée and she's having a really hard time."

Lena blinked owlishly, completely caught off guard. "Oh, wow. I thought you were going to say you needed help with your chem homework or something,"

"That too. She's just, I don't know, bummed out. And I want to cheer her up but I can't shove her right back into the dating pool and I'm just afraid that she's going to deny herself any kind of happiness and fall back on old habits." They had arrived at the field and Lena saw the bus pulling up after them.

"That sucks."

"Yeah. Sam was the love of her life," Kara sighed. "I just don't know what to do and I figured you might have some advice."

"Why me?" They got out of the car and Kara grinned at her over the roof of the car.

"Cause you're all dark and twisty inside. You have hidden pain."

"Perceptive." Lena rolled her eyes but apprehension made her heart rate speed up. _Please don't ask questions._

Digging in her trunk, Kara pulled out a box of ribbons. "But I legit do need help with chemistry, I'm already failing. Tie one of these in my hair for me?"

She had to stand on her tip toes to comfortably reach Kara's ponytail. It smelled of shampoo and Lena slowly tied the green ribbon into a bow. "I could talk to your sister if you really want me to," she said, more to distract herself than Kara. She wanted to run her hands through Kara's hair and clamped down on the urge, feeling her cheeks burn.

Kara was fighting urges of her own; old, guilty ones that she was familiar with. Lena's breath hit the back of her neck and goosebumps crawled up her arms. "Yeah, I'll mention it to her and get back to you." She turned around quickly, grabbing the box. Too quickly, because her elbow hit the side of the car.

"Ow. Jesus."

"Careful, you'll hurt yourself." Lena's voice was laced with concern and Kara looked up, a little breathless.

"I'm always careful." She shook out her arm, pretending that it hadn't hurt. "Come on. You can sit with Tom and watch the game."

"Oh boy," Lena said under her breath, following Kara to the group of girls milling around.

"Hi, Lena. I didn't know you'd be here." Their chemistry teacher, Mrs. Rojas, looked surprised to see her.

"Me neither, but I couldn't say no to Kara."

Her teacher winked. "I know what you mean."

"Lena!" Thomas waved at her and she plastered a smile on her face. His blonde hair looked lighter in the sunlight but it was nothing compared to the gold of Kara's. "What are you doing here?"

"Kara dragged me," Lena said in a friendly tone. "I need to talk to you, actually."

"What's up?" He led her to a small tent and they sat next to each other. "Gatorade?"

"No, thanks." She watched Kara huddle up with the other girls. Something about the way the blonde carried herself made it obvious she was in charge; Lena wouldn't be surprised if Kara was the team captain. "About homecoming..." _Time to make an outcast of yourself._ "I can't go with you." His face fell and Lena immediately regretted the words but it was too late. "I'm sorry, I just, I can't."

His fingers twisted the top off the Gatorade he'd just offered her and he took a long drink. "Is it because of Elizabeth?"

"No," Lena said, surprised. His disappointed look changed to a hopeful one.

"Is it because of me? Have I been too forward? I know you just started here but if you're not ready to do anything that's okay." His face was open, honest, and she groaned internally.

"No, Tom. It's not you. It's me. I'm—" The words got stuck in her throat and she swallowed, flattening her hands against the table.

He waited patiently, spinning the bottle cap on the table. The team was warming up by jogging around the field and he waved to them.

"You got this, girls!"

Lena tuned him out. She was watching Kara; the smooth motion of arms and legs, graceful and perfectly synchronized, the way her mouth was half open as she inhaled, how her hair swung with every step. She didn't meant to, it was just that Kara's hair was the easiest to pick out on the field.

That was all. Right?

"I like someone else," she lied.

"Oh." He sounded disappointed. "Did they ask you to homecoming too?"

"No," Lena said, feeling her cheeks flush. "And they never will." She found her eyes wandering to Kara again. "How close are you and Mike?"

"Mikey? Pretty close. We've taken ice baths together," Tom grinned boyishly. "Jump start the healing process from the brutal football games. Kara's always telling him to be more careful on the field."

"From what Kara's told me, she doesn't even like football."

"Haha, not really. She thinks it's too dangerous. She's very...naive, that girl. All sunshine and rainbows and peace signs." His eyes widened. "Do you have a crush on Mike?"

"What? No, of course not," Lena said incredulously. It was almost offensive that he had jumped to that conclusion and she scoffed. "Why do people always assume things? That's not at all what I was saying." _And seeing the best in people doesn't make you naive._

"Sorry, I just—you were asking about him and Kara." Thomas held his hands up. "I'll be a better listener. Round two, come on. Who's this mystery reason you can't go with me?"

"It doesn't matter." Lena shook her head and her eyes followed Kara on the field. She could practically hear Lex's voice in her head.

"_If you want something, go get it."_

"Shut up," she muttered. Thomas raised an eyebrow and she gave him a weak smile. "Sorry you have to find another date. I just don't have space in my life for a relationship right now and—"

"We don't have to start a relationship. That's why I asked you, sure, but you can still go with me if you want to. So you won't be alone."

"That's very nice of you, but I couldn't possibly ask you to do that," Lena was taken aback; most of the boys she rejected turned vicious and judgmental, telling he she'd never get a man with thinking she was better than everyone else.

"You aren't asking, I'm offering," he said graciously. The smile on his face didn't look forced and she considered the idea. "We can go to homecoming. As friends."

"Friends," she echoed quietly. "I'd like that."

* * *

"You should come to every game, you're a good luck charm," Kara said earnestly, her eyes on the road.

Sitting in the front seat of Kara's car, Lena snorted. "Yeah, right. And the pH of milk is 2."

"I don't know. Is it?"

"You really don't pay attention in chemistry, do you?"

Kara grinned sheepishly, glancing over at Lena. "That's what you're for. You dumb everything down and explain it to me later."

"The pH of milk is about 6.6, lemon juice is 2. And you don't need me to dumb it down, just listen."

"Okay, _mom. _Maybe I fake being dumb so you have to tutor me," Kara laughed.

Coming to a stop, she reached over and tucked a strand of hair behind Lena's ear. The brunette froze, a tingling sensation going through her entire head and down her spine at the heat coming off Kara's hand.

Kara looked distracted, her teeth worrying at her lip, then the light changed and she focused on the road. "I'm serious," she said in an unnaturally high voice. "We never win against them and today we crushed it. 4 to 1?"

"I feel like I got exposed to a lethal amount of sunlight," Lena grumbled, already missing Kara's warmth. "Leave it to you to drag me out of my room. I could've been doing homework."

"It wasn't that sunny," Kara protested, "And I'm sure you've already done it."

Lena stayed silent and Kara took it as a yes.

"You still don't want to be manager?"

"I think I'll get skin cancer if I do."

Sliding the shades off her face, Kara handed them to Lena without looking. "Forgot all you green-eyed monsters are pansies," she joked. "Cover up your sensitive, beautiful eyes."

"Beautiful?"

_Nice going, Kara._ "Yeah. Your eyes are really pretty," Kara said quickly, staring intently at the road. She never thought before she opened her mouth and that had been her downfall last time. She didn't look over at Lena the rest of the way back, keeping the conversation casual.

Mike was waiting for them in the parking lot. "Hey, babe." He was sweaty from football practice but Kara went into his arms like he was a cologne commercial. Lena took her time getting out of the car, breathing in the smell of Kara one last time. She wouldn't see her friend until the next day once she left and she was trying to drag it out.

"Guess what, babe?" Kara's eyes lit up. "We won!"

Mike's jaw dropped and he kissed her. "No way. Against Newton? You never win against Newton!"

"I know, right? Lena must be a good luck charm." The blonde waved at her friend who was standing awkwardly by the car.

The look that Mike shot her unsettled her in a way she couldn't describe. His brown eyes reminded her of a puddle that always formed outside the Luthor mansion in the wintertime—dark, muddy and frozen over.

She must have imagined it because a second later he was giving Kara one of the most passionate kisses she'd ever seen, on or off screen. Kara was breathless by the end, looking up at Mike with starry-eyed adoration.

"I gotta go finish my homework," Lena mumbled, wanting to be as far away from their puppy love as possible. "I'll see you tomorrow?"

Kara's eyes darkened at Lena's obvious lie. "I won't be there in the morning but I'll be in english."

"Cool." Lena's face fell and Kara fought the urge to wrap her arms around the younger girl.

"You better not skip breakfast because of me," Kara waggled a finger at her.

"I won't," Lena lied for the second time. "See you."

Kara watched her walk back to her dorm. She considered, for a moment, chasing after the forlorn girl but Mike's arm on her waist stopped her.

"Babe," he said sternly, looking her in the eye. "Do I need to be worried?"

Snatching her gaze away from Lena's retreating figure, Kara gave him a winning smile. "Not at all. We're just good friends."

"You and Veronica were 'just good friends'," he said, hooking quotation marks in the air.

Kara's eyebrows knit and the joy she was feeling at the win—at Lena being there to witness it—deflated like a popped balloon. "There's nothing to worry about," she said, kissing Mike's cheek. "I love you."

"Hm." He seemed satisfied and ran a hand through his hair. "Want to come over tonight?"

"I can't," Kara answered, feeling guilty for the wrong reasons. "My sister..."

"Right, right. The break up, or whatever."

"It's not whatever," Kara snapped. She looked startled at her own anger and shook her head before she could think about it. "They were engaged, Mike. She's a wreck."

"Tell her to stop being a wreck. I want my girlfriend back."

He sounded nonchalant but Kara saw the glint in his eye, saw the way his lip curled when he said Veronica's name.

"I promise we can hang out soon. I'll have you over for dinner."

Unsettled by his hostility, she left without kissing him goodbye. He always got prickly when she mentioned Alex and her girlfriend—fiancée—ex-fiancée—and she couldn't put her finger on it but she was sure it was something to do with them both being women. Not that Kara would have ever dated anyone homophobic or intolerant in any way. Mike had been more than tolerant throughout the entire Veronica situation and Kara knew she took it for granted.

That being said, she also knew he thought she was brainwashed. That Veronica had been a manipulative girl that had sucked her into a spell and taken advantage of her. And Kara had no idea what to do with that.

* * *

"I got a job," Alex announced proudly at the dinner table. She was met with a round of "good for you sweetie"s and a cheer from Kara. "It's at a private veterinary clinic in the city."

"Does that mean if Krypto or Osh gets sick they'll get free health care?"

"No," Alex slapped her arm. "It means my little sister will be visiting me to play with the puppies."

Kara's laugh echoed around the table and her mind switched to Lena. The way the brunette's face would light up whenever Kara entered a room, the way she started talking with her hands when she got excited. Maybe she could take Lena to visit the clinic, her friend could use some cheering up.

"Kara?" Jeremiah was looking at her expectantly.

"Mmm yeah?"

"I asked you how your soccer game was."

Alex turned to her. "You had a soccer game? I had no idea," she said with an exaggerated face. "Oh, wait, of course I did because you smell like a boy's locker room."

"Do not!" It was Kara's turn to slap her sister and she rolled her eyes. "Okay, maybe I need a shower. At least Lena didn't mind the smell." She turned to her mother. "We won. I think Lena's our good luck charm."

"So you said," Eliza smiled. Kara had waltzed in and said those exact words before running up to her shared bedroom, a grin on her face.

Alex's spine stiffened at the girl's name and Jeremiah raised an eyebrow. "Lena Luthor?" His fork was halfway to his mouth, mashed potatoes falling off it.

"Yeah. She's new," Kara said, a defensive tone already rising in her voice.

"That's nice, honey," Eliza smiled at her. "I'm sure she could use a few friends. We should have her over for dinner." No stranger to the Luthor name, Eliza knew more about the matriarch of the family from science festivals and events than anyone at the table.

"I don't know," Jeremiah hesitated. "I think I should meet her before she comes over."

"I agree," Alex spoke up. "You may really like this girl, but who knows what kind of person she is?"

"Like father, like daughter." Kara's face had heated up at Alex's words but she stood her ground. "She's a good person," she said adamantly.

"I'm sure she's wonderful," Eliza tried to smooth out the tension. "_I'm _inviting her," she said with a glance at her daughter and husband team.

"Can she come next Friday?"

Her entire family shot her a funny look and she returned it defiantly. "Don't say it's too soon," she groaned. Everyone looked as though she had just suggested eating Krypto for dinner.

"No, honey. I just thought you'd want to be alone next weekend," Eliza said slowly, gauging the reaction on her adopted daughter's face. "The 20th is a Friday this year, I've already called Savannah Zhang and you don't have to go to school."

The table had gone eerily silent. In her excitement to have Lena come over, she had forgotten the date.

_How could she have forgotten the date? How could she be so stupid?_

Pushing her chair away from the table, Kara looked at the ground, the will to eat completely obliterated. Her dogs could sense the drop in energy and they were both lying down in the doorway.

"I'm not really hungry anymore," she mumbled, refusing to meet anyone's eyes.

"Kara," Alex started.

"I said I'm not hungry." There was a hint of steel in her voice and Alex didn't push it, just let her go.

She tripped up the stairs, the happiness of the day long gone.

Stripping off her clothes, she got under the steaming hot water. She avoided her reflection, rolling out her shoulders once the droplets hit her skin.

_September 20__th__._

Closing her eyes, she tried to think of a happy memory. The long-expired method of repeating the names of streets she grew up on didn't help her anymore and she sucked in a watery breath. She didn't have any tears left—two painful years of crying herself to sleep had taught her not to waste the precious things—but instead slammed her open palm into the wall of the shower.

The pain in her hand felt good, solid.

"_Careful, you'll hurt yourself."_

She could've sworn Lena was right behind her.

_Maybe that's what I want. Maybe I don't deserve to be here, to be able to breathe and feel and hurt when they can't._

Knowing she was dangerously close to her old way of thinking, Kara opened her eyes. She was alone in the shower and the water was pouring down her face. So why was she thinking about Lena?

_At least I get to sleep in tomorrow._

The thought didn't make her feel any better.


	4. You're the Sister

After skipping breakfast, Lena was still the first person at chemistry.

"Today we have a lab experiment," Mrs. Rojas announced.

_Great. The first lab and Kara isn't here. I bet no one wants to partner with me._

"It's a solo project, so no copying. We'll be using Bunsen burners and seeing how many calories are in different foods..."

Lena tuned her out. At least she didn't have to work with anyone. She had just started on the paper when the kid next to her turned the gas on a second too early.

The flame leaped out and his paper caught on fire. In seconds it was a pile of ashes and flames were licking at his binder, melting the plastic cover. Thank god for quick thinking; Mrs. Rojas grabbed the fire extinguisher and put it out before the flames had time to destroy anything else.

"Spencer, I know you're a little pyro so just try not to burn the classroom down," she sighed, not even breaking a sweat.

Remembering what Kara had said days ago, Lena fiddled with her pencil and started the lab.

"_I hate fire."_

"_Hate?"_

_Kara made a face at her over their milkshakes. "Okay, I'm afraid of it. Same thing."_

_"I don't think it is."_

"_For me it is." The blonde shuddered, sipping on her 'Oreo Dream'. "It destroys everything it touches."_

"_Funny, my mother says the same thing about me."_

_Used to Lena's sardonic comments about her mother, Kara's lips twitched and she took a long drink. "I know fear and hate aren't the same thing, and I know in my case it's mostly fear. I just..."_

"_When did this fear of fire start?" _

_Kara eyed her like she was choosing what to say next. "I was eight. There was an—explosion."_

_Lena knew she wasn't saying everything but she didn't mind. She had secrets of her own, like_—_ "When I was eight, my mother whipped me with one of my father's belts."_

_Kara's blue eyes turned to saucers and her jaw dropped. "That's horrible! Are you serious?"_

_Realizing she had let it slip out, a tense moment passed as Lena clamped her mouth shut. Nervous laughter bubbled up in her throat. "I'm kidding," she lied, drinking some of her vanilla milkshake. _

_Kara was looking at her like she knew__ it wasn't a joke._

"_Are we all still going to the movies tomorrow?" She distr__acted her with a roll of her eyes._

_Kara nodded. "Yeah. Incredibles 3 is coming out and there's no way I'm missing that."_

Near the middle of class she nervously approached the teacher's desk. "Mrs. Rojas?"

"Yes, Lena?"

Glancing around at the rest of the room, she kept her voice down. "Can I have another copy of the lab?"

The older woman snorted. "Did Spencer burn yours too?"

"No, I—" Lena cut herself off. There was no reason for her to do what she was doing. Holding up her completed packet like it would justify what she was about to say, she stared at the floor. "I was going to get another copy for Kara, since she isn't here."

Mrs. Rojas smiled at her. "That's so sweet of you, but I already emailed her the lab last night." Seeing Lena flush, she half-rose out of her chair to stop the girl from running away. "She needs data, though. I'm sure yours is perfect, so just send it to her and if you've finished you can go." She looked at the girl in front of her. She was just how Kara described when she was pitching her for the manager job; quiet, refined, and shy, carrying herself with a grace that she didn't see in a lot of girls Lena's age. A scan of the room proved her suspicions—no one else was even halfway through the lab, so how had Lena finished in such a short time?

"Okay." Lena went to pack up her things and was zipping up her bag when the thought hit her like a gunshot. Kara had known that this lab would be taking place, she had intentionally skipped chemistry class that day. She even had the teacher send her the classwork ahead of time.

_She can't be that afraid of fire, can she?_

Lena filed away the information and when she saw Kara in english she didn't mention it.

"There's a party in a few weeks at Mike's house after homecoming, do you want to come with me? We have a half day for the game, then the dance. It's our friend group plus the football and soccer teams."

Lena was never one for parties. Back in New York all the parties she had been invited to were for her mother. The idea of mixing ulterior motives and alcohol was a horrible one that she tried to avoid, but Kara was looking at her with wide blue eyes and a smile that said _"what could go wrong?"_

"Sure, if you're going."

"Great!" The blonde smiled happily. "I'll remind you closer to the date. Want to go out to dinner later? It's just conditioning today, so it'll end earlier than usual."

"Sure. Also, here's the data from the lab," she said shyly, pulling it out of her backpack.

"Aw, you're the best. You didn't have to do that," Kara hummed, taking the papers from her. Their hands brushed and electricity jolted through Lena, making her jerk away. Used to Lena's jumpiness, Kara just smiled. It wasn't her place to ask questions. Even if the curiosity was eating her alive. "Your hair looks really nice today," she remarked, shoving the notes in her binder.

Lena put a hand to it self-consciously. "Thanks." She had left her hair in a tight braid last night to give it the gentle waves her mother said were_ "trashy and out of fashion,"_ and she'd foolishly hoped that Kara would've noticed and said something.

And Kara did notice.

The day passed in a blur. Lena's mind was only half paying attention, the other half thinking about the evening ahead. Knowing that she'd have to wait til after soccer practice was killing her but she made it through her classes until the last one of the day. The blocking schedule meant it was a long period, and all thoughts of Kara disappeared when she stepped into her math class.

"Lena." Mr. Cryderman nodded to her. "Whenever Nathaniel gets here we'll start the test."

_Oh, shit._ She had completely forgotten about the test. It didn't matter since she knew more about the subject than the teacher, but her leg beat an incessant tempo against the table and Cryderman smiled at her.

"Don't be nervous, you have an A in my class."

_It's the beginning of the year. I have 100%,_ she thought to herself. "Thanks."

Then he walked in.

Every time she saw him her heart jumped a little with fear but this time it seized in her chest, contracting painfully enough that she had to dig her nails into the side of her leg to keep from making a sound.

Nathaniel was wearing a suit. It wasn't just any suit, it was identical to the one Lex had worn to visit her mother's grave with her the year before. Before the allegations and accusations, before her perfect older brother had been slandered and her world had been turned upside down.

He shot her a confused, disdainful look and in that moment he looked so much like Lex that she had to shut her eyes.

"_And what about him confuses you?"_

"_He just looks like my brother."_

"You have eighty minutes to complete this exam. If you finish early, you are free to leave." Cryderman sat down and started to grade his other classwork.

Blowing through the test, she didn't realize the teacher had left until she heard a hiss to her left.

"Psst."

She froze, her pencil hovering above the paper. "I'm not helping you," she hissed back. It was a lot easier when she wasn't looking at him and his Luthor-green eyes and his familiar haircut.

"I don't need your help." He sounded almost offended and she kept her eyes on her paper. The pencil shook in her hand. "I want to ask you something."

She swallowed. "What?"

"What's your deal?" Cryderman had been gone for a few minutes and he didn't bother lowering his voice any more. "I've said like, ten words to you and you act like I killed your dog. What gives?"

"Nothing," she said unconvincingly. "We shouldn't be talking during the test." The relief that shot through her at the sight of their teacher walking back into the room left her dizzy and she quickly stood, handing him her test. She felt Nathaniel's eyes on her the entire way out of the classroom and didn't let herself take a deep breath until she was outside.

_Please, please don't—_

Her hope evaporated with the sound of footsteps coming after her.

"Wait up." His mouth was slightly open having chased her down the hall. "I'm serious. What's your problem?" He planted his feet and waited for an answer.

She jerked to a halt. Once she got to her dorm she would be safe, hidden away from the world until it was time to see Kara. She could ignore the strange boy that resembled her brother so much it made her heart hurt.

"What's with the suit?" Her voice trilled an octave higher than usual.

He raised an eyebrow. "College interviews. Are you going to answer my question?"

She stared at her feet until they started moving again, her vision narrowing to the stairway at the end of the hall.

Seeing that she was going to leave him standing in the middle of the math wing, his eyes darkened. "I know who you are," he called out. His voice rang down the hall and she tensed, looking like a deer caught in headlights when she turned to face him.

"You hate me because I look just like him. I can see it in your face." His face had changed from that of a boy into a darker, less curious one.

"You don't know anything about me," Lena said uncertainly. Her hands were fisted in the fabric of her sweater, her knuckles turning white.

"I looked you up," he said snidely. Almost proudly. "Rich girl from the inner city with a monster for a brother. I know your type."

His voice turned sour and she blinked, surprised at the venom in it. He didn't sound like someone she had just met, he sounded like someone that personally hated her.

"I'm sorry, that came out wrong."

"No kidding." She still hadn't moved from her spot at the top of the stairs, afraid to leave or get closer to him. "My brother is three times the man you are."

"Is that why he raped six women?" The accusation was clear, spoken with conviction.

They stood in the hallway for so long that classes ended and Lena heard the echo of students milling around on the lower levels. She could leave, right now, dart down the stairs and wait for Kara to get out of soccer, but his green eyes were glaring at her and her legs wouldn't work.

"I watched the trial," Nathaniel said, taking a menacing step towards her as the noise died down.

Lena shuddered. "Don't." One hand went out in a pleading gesture like it would hold his words back. She was surprised by his viciousness and berated herself for letting her guard down, letting herself think she was safe just because she'd moved farther away.

"I also read some interesting court documents. I read that you were the first person Caitlin Miller went to."

The name made her heart stop and she leaned away from him, her back against the railing.

"You're a monster too," he hissed, his eyes glinting under the fluorescent lights. "That's why you tried to kill yourself. You know you deserve to die."

"No, I—how did you—" Her heart kicked back into gear, thrumming in her chest. Her other hand went into her pocket and tapped the screen from memory—she only had two numbers on speed dial, Kara and Lex. The night before when she'd programmed in her friend's number she had wondered why she was doing it, but now she was grateful she had.

She had only ever used one of them and she prayed that she'd hit the right number, that it was already dialing. She had no way of knowing with the speaker in her pocket but her legs were shaking and the fear that was settling deep in her chest was rooting her to the spot.

* * *

On her way to soccer practice, Kara was listening to Vance Joy and humming along, the sunlight streaming across the fields. She was planning on asking Lena to do a photo shoot that evening after dinner and she was trying to get rid of her nerves. Lena had seen her other photos, Lena knew what she was asking.

Remembering Veronica Sinclair, the subject of most of her film photographs, Kara sighed as the back fields came into view. The girl with wild stories and sparkling eyes had only gone to Midvale Prep for half a year, and in those six months Kara knew without a doubt that she had fallen in love with her. She was everything Kara wanted to be; open, hilarious bordering on inconsiderate, charismatic, and all of the things she could never be because of her accident; reckless, carefree, impulsive. Mike had been fine with them being close friends—until he'd caught them kissing at Kara's house. Two weeks later Veronica had gotten kicked out for doing cocaine in the history building's faculty bathroom.

Since then she hadn't had any close, female friends. Thomas was one of her closest friends, but he was also friends with Mike and at the end of the day what she really needed was someone to gossip with and have sleepovers. And Lena was perfect for that. Lena had secrets of her own and that meant she would be able to handle Kara's.

Not that she was keeping anything a secret from her. Every time she saw the brunette she found herself saying things she normally wouldn't say and hoping for a reaction. It was silly, childish, but she wanted Lena to see who she was behind the perfect, soccer captain, class president girl. She felt like Lena, out of anyone else, would be able to understand her pain.

Her phone buzzed, interrupting the song as she smiled at Mrs. Rojas and put her bags down. _Huh. Think of the devil._

"Lena," she said cheerfully. "I was just thinking about you!"

Lena's voice was faint and from what she could hear, she wasn't talking to her. "I don't want any trouble, please."

"Lena? _Lena._ Where are you?" Kara's heart skipped a beat.

"You really thought you could defend him?" A male voice, angry and loud.

"I didn't defend him! I—" Lena's voice choked off and it sounded like she was hyperventilating. She sounded close to tears and Kara's eyebrows knit.

Her worried expression must have attracted Mrs. Rojas' attention because the older woman looked over. "Kara, if you need to go," she said gently. She knew the anniversary of the accident was coming up and she always tried to cut her team captain a little more slack than usual on important dates.

Barely looking her way, Kara was already going through Lena's schedule in her head. She had it memorized better than her own.

_Math. Her last class today was math._

And then she was gone, sprinting for the math building, her bag hitting her back in a steady rhythm that was uncomfortable on her scar but she didn't care. Her legs pounded the pavement and she thanked the years of physical therapy for letting her run again.

Run to Lena.

The brunette had captured her attention from day one. Kara had never seen a girl so beautiful want to be so invisible but if she was being honest, she sometimes felt the same way. There were days when she wished she didn't have so many student government meetings or days when she wished Mike wouldn't parade her around, but saying hello to everyone always cheered her up so she went along with it.

She had no idea what was going on and concern for her friend pushed her to go faster than she had at time trials. Barreling past people and skidding in through the glass doors, she headed for the stairs. Her shorts flew in the wind and she thanked the fact that she had been on her way to soccer practice; without a sports bra that run would have been very different.

She had just put a foot on the first step when she heard a noise that pulled at her heart. Someone was crying in the stairwell and from the sound of it they were trying not to.

"Lena?" she said quietly, knowing the stairs would carry her voice.

The crying stopped and a hiccup echoed down the stairway. A tense silence settled over her while she waited for an answer, holding her breath.

"Kara?" A tinny, strained parrot of her name through the earbuds confirmed it and Kara started taking the stairs two, three at a time. She almost fell on her face when she tried to skip four, her momentum carrying her faster and faster.

She stopped short when she reached the top. Lena was sitting on the landing looking like her legs had simply collapsed underneath her. Any half-formed ideas she had flew out the window and she heard the record scratch in her brain, a ferocious concern rising up in her gut.

"Lena?"

"You didn't have to come." Five words, seething with self-hatred. Kara knelt down, not sure what to do.

"You called me."

"I shouldn't have," Lena said almost angrily. "I don't need you to keep saving me." _Why did I call her, of all people, to watch me cry? _She hadn't even thought about it, it had been more instinct than anything else. Because she felt safe with Kara.

"What are friends for?" Kara settled with putting a hand on Lena's shoulder. It shook as the other girl whimpered. "Lena, what happened?"

Kara was looking at her so sincerely that she hated herself for crying and kept her head down. "You don't have to drop everything just because I'm upset," Lena got out, rubbing at her eyes violently. "I'm not worth it." _I should have just died and saved everyone the trouble._

Kara's heart ached and she put a gentle hand under Lena's chin, lifting it up. "Yes, you are. You are absolutely worth it," she said with conviction. For all that Lena did to cover it up—the sarcasm, the fancy clothes, the keeping to herself—Kara knew she was hiding something painful.

"I'm a monster," Lena whispered, finally turning her teary eyes on Kara's.

Her eyes were wide and Kara could see flecks of gold against the jade, shiny with tears. She looked tired. Not like she had missed a few hours of sleep, tired, but like she hadn't had a good night's sleep in a long time.

"You are _not_ a monster," Kara said firmly. "I am a very good judge of character and I did not sprint half a mile for just anyone."

Lena let out a choked laugh and Kara's smile made her feel marginally better.

Neither of them said anything. Kara fought the urge to wipe the tears off her cheeks, trying to decide the best way to cheer her up. She started telling Lena about preseason and the workouts Rojas made them do in an attempt to get her off the floor.

"And she knows I hate sprinting so she always makes me lead the relays," she rambled. That got a chuckle out of Lena and when the brunette looked up, Kara's breath hitched.

She knew it was wrong of her to think so, but Lena's eyes were all the more striking because she'd been crying. They were light green and perfectly set against her cheekbones and Kara ran a thumb along her skin, cutting a line through the tear tracks.

"Come on," she said, dropping her hand. "We're going."

"Going where?" Lena sniffled and the sound made Kara's heart ache again.

"To my house. My mom makes really good tea and you look like you could use some."

"No, I couldn't impose—"

Kara kissed Lena's forehead, cutting off her train of thought. It was clearly meant as a friendly gesture but Lena's brain short-circuited; Kara's lips were soft and warm against her skin and it sent a tingling sensation through her skull.

By the time it rebooted she was sitting in the passenger seat of the Thunderbird. She had just started to feel better when she realized, with a shock, that she was going to Kara's _house._

Where her _mother_ lived.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?"

Kara laughed, driving down a residential road. "It's a little late for that, Lee. And don't worry, Eliza will love you."

"I don't know," Lena hesitated. Her own mother had hated everything, criticized everything about her since she'd first set foot in the Luthor mansion. How would Eliza react to Kara bringing home a social outcast? She had lost two mothers already. She didn't think she could take losing another.

* * *

She needn't have worried because Eliza took one look at her face and pulled her into a hug without even asking her name.

Lena tensed at first, the unfamiliar woman's hands wrapping around her. A moment later she sunk into the hug and almost cried again when Eliza kissed her forehead just like Kara had.

"Hi, sweetie."

"Hi." Lena's voice came out raspy and she cleared her throat, standing back. Kara was already playing with her dogs, watching the interaction carefully. "I'm Lena."

"I know who you are," Eliza smiled good-naturedly. "Kara talks about you all the time."

"Mom!" Kara blushed, walking over.

Eliza gave her daughter a quick peck on the cheek and started bustling around the kitchen. "Would you like something to drink? Coffee? Tea?" The look she turned on Lena made it clear that it was perfectly fine for her to decline.

Glancing at Kara, Lena followed her nod. "Tea, if that's alright with you."

"Of course it's alright. I'll call you girls when it's ready."

"I can help you make it if—" Kara dragged her out of the room before she could finish her sentence.

Lena sat down in corner of the couch, tucking her legs underneath her, her eyes jumping from picture to picture along the walls. Many of them were of Kara and her sister and there was a large framed picture of Eliza, Kara, Alex and a man she didn't recognize.

"You look like you want the couch to swallow you whole," Kara commented, scratching Krypto's head. The husky let out a playful growl and nipped at her fingers. "This is Krypto, by the way. I don't know where Osh has gone but he's a little...shy around strangers..." She trailed off as her other dog climbed into Lena's lap, settling down. "Or not." It was only after he tried to lick her face that she finally relaxed and Kara grinned, delighted that Lena was comfortable being in her house.

"Osh. Is that short for something?" Lena's fingers worked through the grey coat and the puppy's eyes half-closed in satisfaction. She was too busy tracing patterns in the fur to see Kara's eyes fixed on her hands.

"Oisín. Named him after the greatest—"

"Greatest poet of Ireland. He was a warrior."

Kara raised an eyebrow. "Should've guessed you'd know that," she said, half to herself. "Sorry the house is such a mess." She waved a lazy hand but made no move to clean, spreading her legs out and sinking lower on the couch.

"Sorry I ruined the evening," Lena said, embarrassed. She stretched, careful not to disturb the dog on her lap, and her now-untucked shirt rode up slightly.

Something stirred in Kara at the strip of skin between Lena's shirt and her pants but she shut it down. "Don't be. You look exhausted." She trained a smile on Lena but the crinkle appeared between her eyes. "You aren't getting enough sleep," she said softly, watching the brunette run her hands down Oisín's back. She looked so sad and soft and beautiful that Kara had to exercise a considerable amount of self control to stay on her side of the couch.

The kettle whistled and Eliza's call of "Girls!" brought them back to the kitchen.

"So, Lena. My daughter says you're a science nerd."

Wrapping her hands around the hot mug, Lena nodded. "I guess."

"She also says your eyes remind her of emeralds and looks like she's not wrong." Eliza shot her daughter a teasing look.

Kara had just taken a sip of hot tea and she gulped it down quickly, scalding her tongue. "Yeah, they're just—they're really green," she said, her tongue rasping against the top of her mouth.

Even though it was at the price of Kara's embarrassment, Lena found herself stifling a laugh.

Eliza smiled at her over her mug. "I'm sure you've been told that before, so she'll have to come up with more creative compliments." She winked.

It was Lena's turn to make a fool of herself. She choked into her tea and Kara had to slap her back while she recovered.

Ten minutes later Kara was leaning her elbows on the table, barely hanging onto the conversation. Eliza was going on about something to do with chemical equilibrium and when the door opened her head shot up, thankful for the interruption.

"Mom?"

At the woman's voice, Kara bit her lip and glanced nervously at Lena. Feeding Osh half a biscuit, she stood up quickly, intending to intercept whoever had just walked in.

She was a little too late and Lena found herself looking at an older brunette woman.

One whose body she knew from a photograph.

"You're the sister. The girl in the bikini," she blurted out, much to her embarrassment.

"I—what?" The woman stared at her and her brow furrowed. "Have we met?" Her tone was hostile, defensive, and Lena wanted to melt through the floor.

"Alex!" Kara's voice was too enthusiastic and her sister's forehead wrinkled. "This is my friend Lena," she said nervously. "Lena, this is my sister."

The older woman's gaze had flattened the second Kara said "Lena." Something in her seemed to be warring with herself, but she took one look at Kara's hopeful expression and the way the blonde was bouncing nervously on the balls of her feet and a tentative smile broke out across her face.

"Nice to meet you." She nodded at Lena.

"Lena's the one I was going to have talk to you. About Sam?" Kara lowered her voice.

Alex's shoulders stiffened, her eyes taking in Lena's appearance. "I'm going upstairs," she announced bluntly, walking away. Kara chased after her sister, shooting Lena a worried look.

Eliza looked embarrassed and started apologizing to Lena. "Alex is going through a break up. She's just moved back home from California and she's working in the city and—"

"Sorry," Lena cut her off. "What an insensitive thing to say, I didn't mean to offend her."

"Offend her?"

"With the bikini comment." Lena's face burned and she sipped her tea, hiding behind the mug. It had a painting of an elephant and she wondered if Kara had drawn it on when she was younger. The thought of Kara as a toddler painting on a mug distracted her and she forced herself to look Eliza in the eye.

"Don't be sorry," Eliza waved away her concern. "Everyone has seen that photo, honey. It's on the wall in Pratt."

"You know about it?" Lena's eyes flew open in surprise.

"Of course. I've seen almost all of Kara's work. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if pictures of you start appearing on the walls." The look Eliza gave her said a lot more than her words did and Lena busied herself with her tea before she could read into it.

Footsteps on the stairs made them both look up.

"How was work, honey?" Eliza asked, like Alex hadn't just stormed away like a petulant child.

"Fine. Lena, can I talk to you?" Alex gestured at her to follow her out of the kitchen. She wanted to check the youngest Luthor out, see if Lena was someone to warn her sister against, and now was her best chance with Kara in the shower.

Lena looked around like she was talking to someone else. "Me?" she squeaked.

"Is there someone else named Lena?"

Eliza shot Alex an admonishing look and the older girl rolled her eyes. "Come on. I'll show you my room."

"Your...room?" Lillian had rarely allowed Lena to bring friends home (not that she had many to bring) and the few occasions she had, they had been sequestered in the common areas of the house. Her bedroom was off limits, not a public space and _"not appropriate to have friends over in private, don't you even understand how that would look?"_

"It's fine." Eliza sensed the young girl's nervousness and gave her an encouraging smile. "You can take your tea with you."

Biting her lip nervously, Lena followed Alex up the stairs and into a moderately-sized bedroom. Split down the middle, one half was covered in photographs and messy, childish drawings. The other half, where Alex went to sit, had posters of dirt biking and superheroes and one of Pamela Anderson that made Lena blush and look away.

"Sorry about the rude introduction." Alex pointed her to the other twin bed and Lena sat on the edge, fidgeting with her hair. "I just wasn't expecting visitors. It's been a long day." She ran a hand through her short, cropped hair. It was shorter than it had been in the picture.

Lena nodded. It had been more than that, the flash of recognition in Alex's eyes. She knew. She had been out west, Kara said, and that's where the most media coverage had been.

But all that was at the back of her mind at the thought that she was sitting _on Kara's bed._ She looked around at the photos on the wall, not bothering to hide her curiosity. They were like the ones in the binder, except they were a mix of polaroids and film and digital, and they were all of women. There was a longing to them, like whatever was in the picture was something Kara was trying to capture for herself but could never quite reach.

"So. You're Lena." Alex tried to keep the conversation going. "Why does my sister think you're the one to talk to?"

"Beats me." Lena turned back to her, biting her lip. "She said you were going through a breakup and that I might be able to help."

"Are you also going through a break up?"

"No." Lena shook her head.

Somewhere down the hall water started and Lena's head jerked towards the sound, her hand hitting the bed. It landed in something slightly damp and she looked down, seeing Kara's soccer jersey. Kara had skipped soccer practice for her. The thought warmed her more than the tea and she set the mug down before she could spill it.

"It's just the shower." Alex narrowed her eyes at Lena's reaction. Kara had mentioned her new friend was jumpy and she reminded Alex of a dog they'd taken in a few days ago. He had been left to die on the side of the road and had clearly been abused, and whenever something startled him his ears went back and his muscles tensed and he looked just like the girl sitting in front of her.

Lena nodded, clearing her throat, her hand still resting on the large number 27 printed on Kara's shirt. If Kara's clothes were on the bed that meant that Kara wasn't wearing them.

That Kara was showering. Naked. And Lena was in her house.

"Did Kara tell you about Sam?" Alex continued, unaware that Lena was having a mini-crisis. Maybe her sister was right to bring Lena over. It was comforting talking to someone that knew nothing about her.

_Of course she's naked, no one showers with clothes on are you stupid_— "Um, no. Just that you two were engaged." Kara started singing in the shower, a song Lena didn't recognize, and her heart skipped a beat. Her voice was angelic and Lena licked her lips and tried to focus on Alex. "Why did you guys call it off?"

Alex rubbed at her eyes. "Sam didn't want kids. I did." She said it with finality, like she had come to terms with the situation. "I've always wanted kids."

"Yeah?" Lena tilted her head to catch the strains of Kara singing.

"Sam didn't want to be a mother."

"I—what?" Lena did a double take. "Mother? Sam is a girl?"

Alex's expression shifted like she was re-evaluating Lena. "Sam is a _woman_."

Suddenly the Pamela Anderson poster made sense.

"You—you're a—gay?" Lena stared at her like she had just sprouted a third head.

She had never had a proper conversation about it but a smattering of memories hit her. The girls she had been obsessed with at boarding school. How she would follow them around, dogging their footsteps and they acted like they had to put up with her. Her embarrassment at mundane activities like sitting on someone's lap and holding hands—among girlfriends it was normal. Girlfriends, not _girlfriends. _Her mother whisking her away from a table at a gala last year, muttering under her breath about _"not approving of that lifestyle for you, come, have you met the son of so-and-so?"_

_Could I be—_

"I guess Kara didn't tell you that part." Alex still had that strange look on her face and Lena swallowed.

_Kara's sister is gay._

"Is that a problem?"

"No. NO! I mean," she gathered her wits, "The opposite, actually. Maybe you could help me, with...something..." She trailed off with an awkward glance at the Pamela Anderson poster.

Alex looked at her with new interest, noticing her hands were still fisted in Kara's soccer jersey. "Kara once cheated on Mike with a girl, did she ever tell you that?"

"What? When?" The questions were out before she could stop them an she blushed when Alex raised an eyebrow at her obvious curiosity.

"She kissed her. Downstairs."

The blood roared in Lena's ears and she paled as Alex told her the story. How she'd encouraged her sister to give in to her urges, how she didn't want someone like Mike holding her back. How, after it all, she was still pissed that they had stayed together.

Against her better judgment Lena wondered for a strange second if that meant Kara was still interested in girls. If Kara would be interested in _her._

"What was her name?"

"Veronica."

_Veronica._ That must be the girl in all of Kara's photos. Lena was hit with a flash of jealousy, so strong that she almost gasped aloud. She wanted it to be _her_ in those photographs, _her_ that Kara positioned and framed and developed and—

Someone walked into the room in a cloud of steam and Lena gulped, her eyes going towards the door.

Kara was brushing out her long, wet hair. It was darker because of the water dripping through it, the color of honey. A towel was fastened under her arms and she grinned when she saw Lena sitting on her bed.

"Is Alex giving you a hard time?"

"No," Lena said, but it came out as a strangled noise.

"Good." Kara winked at her and Lena felt her cheeks flush. When the blonde girl turned around, Lena couldn't look away and she saw Kara's back.

Her well-muscled, soccer-tanned back.

That had _tattoos._

Three of them, small, right on top of each other. The lower one was small and neat, the roman numeral for nine resting perpendicular to a candle that was perfectly in line with her spine. The smoke of the candle turned into an intricate drawing of an elephant head with tribal patterns throughout that was between her shoulder blades, which winged out as she brushed her hair. They were both high enough on her back that a sports bra would completely cover them. Lena didn't know much about tattoos but they looked expensive and _beautiful_.

_This was a bad idea. _"I have to go," she mumbled, rushing for the door. Her skin passed inches from Kara's, the heat of the shower coming off it and surrounding her in a shampoo-scented mist that she blasted through, tripping down the stairs.

"Lena? Alex, what did you say to her? Lena!" Kara started after her friend, clearly upset, but Alex stopped her with a hand.

"Nothing, I swear. I'll take her back to school."

Eliza looked up at the commotion as Lena clattered down the stairs. "Are you alright?"

"I—thank you for—I have to go," Lena got out, shoving her feet into her shoes. Something was very wrong, something was nagging at the back of her mind and she didn't think she wanted to listen to it.

"Lena." Kara's sister had followed her. Unsure of whether or not to be disappointed, Lena stood there, blinking. "Come on. I'll drive you back."

"No, I think I'll take a cab." Everything Lillian had taught her about courtesy and manners was gone, her mind was a blank and all she could see was Kara's tattoos on the backs of her eyelids. She fumbled with the lock and burst out the door before they could stop her, running down the block. She ducked behind a large bush, her chest heaving.

"Lena?" She heard Kara calling out her name and fought the urge to stick her head up.

"Kara, give her some space," Alex was saying.

"Why? What did you say?" Kara sounded concerned, almost angry. Concerned for her.

"It's nothing I said, I think she's just realizing something about herself."

_No kidding._

* * *

The cab ride back wasn't the silent trip she'd hoped it would be. Kara blew up her phone every twenty seconds with a text and a few popped up from an unsaved number; Kara's sister telling her to text her back or she would hunt her down.

Lena killed an hour sitting in her dorm room before answering Alex

_Sorry. I'm fine._

She tossed her phone across the room.

"What is wrong with you, Lena?" she muttered. She knew her behavior was inexcusable—she had left without saying goodbye, without an explanation, acted out like the spoiled child she was. A mature person would have stayed and waited out the evening. Maybe even thanked Eliza properly before breaking her door down as she left.

She checked in with the dorm supervisor when study hall came around then holed herself up in her room. Kara stopped texting her sometime around 11, giving up on her radio silence.

Sometime around midnight she lapsed into a fitful sleep.

_She was back in the courtroom while hordes of faceless people screamed at her to kill herself._

"_I'm trying!" She sobbed, her hands scratching fiercely at her arms. "I'm trying, I can't—"_

"_Just do it!" One face made itself known out of the crowd. Lillian. "You're worthless anyways, no one will miss you."_

"_I'm __**trying**__!"_

"_Don't listen to her."_

_She whipped around to see her brother staring at her, a sad expression on his face. _

"_You're worth so much more than this, Lena."_

"_Lex." The name tore itself out of her chest and she clutched at him. Her fingers went through him like he was made out of smoke, the edges of his form blurred. "Please don't leave me alone," she said desperately. "Please, please stay."_

_Her voice dropped to a whisper and her eyes, fastened on her brother, didn't see her mother lunging for her until it was too late and her heart felt like it was about to burst, forcing her awake._

She sat bolt upright, her chest heaving, fingernails digging into the flesh of her own arm. With a gasp she unclenched her hand and tried to rub away the red lines that stood out even in the dark. She felt the strange urge to talk to, of all people, Alex. Maybe Kara's sister would understand how she was feeling.

An hour later she had her sketchbook open on her desk and was painstakingly outlining a photo Thomas had taken of her and Kara laughing on the quad. Kara's hair was coming out of its braid and her eyes were screwed up in happiness. She didn't realize she had spent half an hour drawing one of Kara's arms until she looked at her brother's watch. _2 am._

The entire dorm was silent, everyone else was asleep. After the day she'd had, she tried to shut her mind off but it kept running, the memory of Nathaniel growling at her like a ghost in the back of her mind.

Ten minutes later she was staring at a copy of Kara's tattoo in her hands. It wasn't exact, the patterns and shadings were guessed at, but it captured the essence of it. The number and the candle and the smoky elephant screamed out at her from the page.

She started filling in the rest of the drawing; the curve of Kara's spine and the wings of her shoulder blades, rubbing charcoal on her forehead until the sun came up.


	5. Photo Shoots and Anniversaries

lowkey I'd ship agentcorp like I'm not even mad.

* * *

When the email came the next morning canceling world history, Lena was relieved. The way the schedule worked out she wouldn't have a class with Kara until Thursday and by then she would have some explanation for what had happened. She was beside herself, worried sick about Eliza's ruined opinion of her. There was a home soccer game later that day that she didn't go to, staying in her room and finishing _The Count of Monte Cristo _to the sounds of cheering on the field.

If she had gone she would have seen Kara scanning the stands for her, her face falling after scoring the winning goal and Lena wasn't there to see it.

Nathaniel hadn't been in math class the last two days—a family matter, Cryderman had said—and it had made her life a lot easier. She didn't know what she was going to do once he came back, but she was living in the present.

Presently, she was sitting alone in her room, sketching Kara. Taped to the bottom of the last desk drawer was her drawing of Kara's tattoos and every few minutes she pulled it open to stare at the lines of her back.

_She must really like elephants._

Something was nagging at her, something that she couldn't put her finger on. As reluctant as she was to face Kara, the brief absence of her smile was already digging at her and she wished she remembered her address—maybe she could drop by and apologize to Eliza, at least.

Ten minutes later she was in the practice rooms, Chopin filling the small space. As her fingers moved her brain kicked back into gear and it hit her like a kick to the gut.

_Kara hates fire._

_So why does she have a tattoo of a candle?_

She became aware of a warm vanilla smell and the music faltered but she squeezed her eyes shut, picking up the pace. She was just hallucinating, her senses lying to her to make up for her atrocious behavior. By the end of the piece the room felt stuffy and warm and she rolled up her sleeves before starting the next one.

"I didn't think you'd be here."

Her eyes snapped open and she turned to see Kara standing in the doorway, a camera hanging from a strap around her neck. She was in jeans and a tight, red tank top and smiling like nothing was out of the ordinary, and the words were spilling out of Lena before she even said hello.

"I'm sorry I didn't text you, I've been busy and I figured you hated me and I didn't want you to think I was—"

"Lena, don't apologize. I'm the one that brought you home and put you in a weird situation with my sister." Kara inched her way into the studio, keeping the door open. "I didn't come here to talk, though."

Lena's shoulders fell and she closed the piano. "I understand if—"

"I don't think you do," Kara interrupted, a mischievous grin spreading across her face. "Can you help me with something?"

"Anything," Lena said, a little too eagerly. Kara didn't seem angry at her, and she would do anything in her power to keep it that way.

"Bangarang. You don't mind changing clothes, do you?"

Looking down self-consciously, Lena fingered her black designer jeans and Alexander McQueen top. "I guess I could wear something nicer."

"No, I'll pick the clothes."

"What?"

Kara waved her camera in the air. "Photo shoot. I was planning on doing it the other day before that asshole made you cry." Her voice hardened on the swear word and Lena's eyes widened; she had never heard Kara curse before. "Has he bothered you since then?"

Lena shook her head. Kara stayed silent for a moment, her mouth a tight line, then her resolve hardened. "If he tries anything, I'll beat him up."

"You wouldn't." Lena's laugh was breathy but sincere and Kara grinned.

"I absolutely would. What are friends for? Anyway, I'm using you as inspiration for a new project."

In a considerably better mood, Lena followed Kara out of the arts building. "What's the project?" Was it her imagination or did Kara look nervous?

The blonde busied herself with the camera and Lena noted with a hint of disappointment that it wasn't the film one. She felt like she had been passed over, somehow, which was silly.

"The subject is 'passion'." Kara didn't look up from the camera, playing with the lens.

"Oh, yeah?" Lena hoped her friend couldn't hear the tremble in her voice. "Why are you asking me for help?" She shouldered the door open to her room and Kara walked in, looking around at the walls. She clucked her tongue when she saw how sparse they were—the Polaroid from the diner and an intricate map of the world were the only things on display.

Lena prayed she wouldn't open the bottom drawer and see Lena's collection of her. That would be a hard one to explain, _"I just really like drawing you. Over and over and over—"_

"Mike offered to help." Kara rolled her eyes and let out an exaggerated groan that made Lena smile. "I already give him great sex so I don't know why he thinks we need more passion," she said sarcastically.

"Huh." Lena bustled around her room, picking up books and sticking random things in the pages to hold her place. "Before we start, I just want to say I'm really sorry about the other night..."

Kara was already shaking her head and Lena bit her lip. "I told you, don't apologize. It's not your fault." She pulled Lena into an impromptu hug and the camera bumped against Lena's chest. Lena almost squeaked in surprise when Kara kissed her temple, the soft gesture making her blush. "My mom is trying to have you over again soon," Kara added. "I think she likes you more than she likes me. I never talk about nerdy stuff with her."

"So what do you need me to do?" When she was sure the blood had left her face she met Kara's eyes. The other girl's pupils were dilated so much that her irises were thin, cobalt rings behind her glasses.

Kara blinked, pushing her glasses up and focusing on Lena's face. "Just stand there a sec?" She pointed to the center of the room. "And grab a book. Your favorite one."

Lena stood, feeling self-conscious. She didn't know what to do with her hands and they drummed against the cover of _Gone With the Wind._ Kara was snapping a few photos here and there, adjusting the settings after each one and she wondered if her shirt was wrinkled and her hair must be a mess—

"Stop playing with your hair," Kara instructed, and her hands fell to her sides. "Do you have anything that's a little tighter? To wear."

"Not really." Lena didn't often wear clingy shirts; she didn't like the way her body looked in them.

"Not really or no?" Kara snapped another photo and pushed her glasses down to examine it. "ISO's too low," she muttered.

"I mean I didn't bring any with me. My mother doesn't let me buy casual clothes and she checked my bags before I left."

Kara looked up at that, raising an eyebrow. A jittery feeling shot from her head to her toes and she wanted to move closer, pull Lena's shirt off her shoulder a little and muss her hair and push her down onto the bed.

She did exactly that.

"Kara, what are you—"

When she stepped back, Lena was sitting on the edge of the mattress and fidgeting with the hem of her shirt. Her pale, creamy skin peeked out from the slightly stretched collar and her bra strap was showing. It was nothing fancy, just a black cotton piece, but Kara found her eyes jumping back to it every few seconds.

"That's not right," she groaned after five more shots came out differently.

Lena flinched. "I know I'm probably doing the wrong thing, should I pick a different book or can I do something to help—"

"No, the book is fine. I'm using your passion for reading but I want more. More...layers. Another layer of passion, if that makes sense." Kara frowned at the camera screen, the crinkle forming between her eyebrows. "I'm missing something..."

"Maybe if...you..." Lena's eyes widened until the whites took up more space than the green and her voice died in her throat.

Kara had set the camera down on her desk and was pulling her tank top off. While it was blocking her eyes, Lena drank in the sight of her abs—soccer practice had chiseled them into statue-worthy shape and freckles dotted the tanned skin. The second the shirt was over her head, Lena dropped her eyes and reread the title of her book until her heart stopped pounding.

"Trade shirts with me," Kara said nonchalantly, holding out the red cotton like it was nothing. Like she hadn't just stripped her shirt off in Lena's room.

"That's gonna be too small," Lena eyed the 'M' on the inside tag. It might fit the rest of her, but it certainly wouldn't fit around her bra.

"Please? If you really don't want to you don't have to, but it'll look good in the photos."

Lena's hands strayed to her top button. "If you say so," she said uncertainly, undoing the first few buttons. "Just, um, maybe give me a minute?" She had none of Kara's brazen, shirt-ripping confidence and she didn't want an audience to watch her trying to squeeze into a _medium_.

"Oh, gosh, yeah. Sorry." Kara grinned and clapped a hand over her eyes as Lena slid her shirt off. Lena turned around, pulling Kara's shirt over her head and Kara peeked between her fingers.

The slope of Lena's spine dipped gracefully and Kara's eyes followed it hungrily up to the base of her neck. She resisted the urge to walk forwards and run a finger down the ivory skin and got caught up in the two dimples above Lena's waistline. Her body had curves the way Kara wished her own did and all her higher brain functions ground to a halt as Lena shimmied into her tank top, her hips swaying a bit with the motion.

Something deep inside her unlocked and opened her jaw with it, leaving it hanging. She completely forgot about Mike and found herself thinking back to Veronica, the night they'd had, but this time it was Lena lying in her bed and Lena touching her stomach and _oh, God—_

_Stop it, you perv._

By the time Lena turned around Kara had gotten it together and was waiting obediently, her hand completely covering her eyes.

"I'm done," Lena said quietly.

Kara dropped her hand and stared.

Her thin red cotton clung to Lena's body like it had been made for her. It was straining at the front in a way it never did when Kara wore it and the combination of green eyes, red shirt and black bra transformed her expression from surprised to something like awe. Lena had her arms crossed over her stomach and Kara took a halting step forwards, her hand coming up to tug at Lena's wrist.

"Sit down on the bed," Kara said in a hoarse voice, "And open the book like you're reading it."

Oblivious to the effect she was having on Kara, Lena sat down, her chest bouncing slightly. "Should I actually read it?"

"If you want." Kara licked her lips and took a few more photos, raising her eyebrows at the results. "Relax, Lena."

"I can't relax. Every photograph I've ever seen in a magazine is going through my brain. How am I supposed to sit? Am I supposed to smile or try to look like a Victoria's Secret model?"

Kara laughed and Lena soaked up the sound, her shoulders lowering a bit. "Just be yourself."

Lena sighed, running a hand through her hair. "I don't even know who that is." It was true; she had spent so many years under Lillian's reign of terror, shaping herself into the girl her adopted mother wanted her to be, she had no idea who she was away from her. The idea bothered her, that maybe she was nothing without her mother.

_Stop saying stupid, stupid things to Kara without thinking—_

Kara looked at her with an endearingly childlike expression. "Maybe if you _relaxed_ it would come to you more easily. Pretend I'm your favorite person," she suggested with a wink.

Relieved, Lena said the first words that came to mind. "I won't have to do much pretending."

To Lena's secret delight, her comment made Kara flush and the blonde mumbled something, twisting the lens in her hands so hard she thought it would crack under the pressure. Kara recovered quickly though, smirking at her from behind the camera.

"I'm everyone's favorite."

She started taking photos and after a few minutes Lena _did _relax under the blonde's barrage of funny comments.

"It's supposed to be about passion, Lena, not how nervous you are to be in front of a camera."

"It could be so much worse. Imagine if this was a nude shoot."

"You'd have to be naked. For the sake of art."

When Kara's phone rang two hours later, Lena was torn between disappointment and impatience. She didn't want Kara to go but she already had an image of the blonde that she needed to sketch. Standing behind the camera, one eye closed, her tongue sticking out of her mouth a little, Lena's shirt with the buttons open down to her bra; it was burning in her brain and the only way to get rid of it was to draw.

"I gotta go. I'll let you know how the pictures turn out," Kara waved, heading for the door.

Lena stood up. "Your shirt," she said reluctantly, tugging at the hem. The cheap fabric was already more comfortable than anything Lillian had bought her—thousands of dollars of shirts couldn't make up for one that smelled of Kara_._

Kara hesitated. She knew she shouldn't be supporting _this_; if Mike were here he'd definitely get pissy and the thought made her smile. "Keep it. You won't see me for a few days and I don't want you to forget about me."

"A few days?"

The blue of Kara's eyes darkened until they looked grey but then she winked and Lena must have imagined it because they were back to their normal, staggeringly piercing shade of blue. "Yeah. You can text me if you need anything, though. And don't skip breakfast just because I'm not there—I already told Tom to wake up early." There was a scolding tone to her voice and Lena gave her a halfhearted smile.

"I'm sure he loved that."

Kara grinned. "I don't think Tom minds waking up early for you." She looked so cute with her teasing smile and bouncing curls that Lena just rolled her eyes, didn't say _"He's not the one I want eating breakfast with me._" Didn't tell Kara that the moments they spent together were the only parts of the day she looked forward to, because that would sound stalker-ish and weird.

After drawing until 1 in the morning, Lena fell asleep in Kara's shirt.

* * *

"Name?"

"Maggie Sawyer."

Alex barely glanced at the woman standing in front of her. "Not you. The patient."

"Patient? Oh, this is Roscoe." A german shepherd by her feet made a snuffling noise and Alex smiled.

"Great." Filling out the form, she pointed with her free hand without looking up. "Go wait over there, I'll call you when we're ready."

"I'd much rather wait right here." The woman leaned over the counter and stared at Alex's hands as she filled out the form, looking for something. "The view is phenomenal."

"The view of a waiting room? Oh." The woman was staring directly at her, a smug little grin on her face. "Cute." She looked back down at her desk and pulled out an insurance form. "Fill this out while you're waiting."

The woman tapped her fingers on the counter. "I'm kind of in a rush. Can I skip it?" she wheedled, turning a mega-watt smile on Alex. "Or you could fill it out for me."

Unimpressed, Alex ignored her attempts at conversation. "No, thanks. I have other things to do." She considered going to the back room to escape the woman—people who tried to talk to her at work were the _worst—_but forced herself to stay seated, writing out appointment reminders.

"You strike me as the kind of gal who enjoys animals more than people."

Alex snorted. "Who says 'gal'?"

Seeing her chance, the woman stuck her hand out. "I do. Maggie Sawyer, pleased to meet you."

With an annoyed sigh, Alex finally put down her pen to shake her hand. "Alex. You certainly are...belligerent."

"I'll take that as a compliment," Maggie grinned.

"I must have said it wrong." Usually her sarcasm was enough to drive people away, take the wind out of them a bit, but Maggie just leaned further over the counter.

"How can you be grumpy working with animals all day? Turn that frown upside down."

"I'm not grumpy, I'm busy," Alex rolled her eyes. Thankfully, the waiting room was relatively empty and no one was watching their exchange with any degree of interest. "What are you, the attitude police?"

"I'm the _police_ police." Maggie's voice hardened and Alex looked back up at the change in her tone. She had unzipped her hoodie to reveal a NYPD dress shirt.

Having dealt with the police several times in the past (a few times when she was definitely not sober) Alex's expression retained it stony quality. "Don't you have errand boys for things like this?"

Maggie hooked her thumbs in her belt loops and puffed out her chest. "We take the K-9 unit very seriously in New York City," she said gruffly.

"Oh, yeah? Well your K-9 unit is seriously peeing on my floor." Alex sighed and handed her a roll of paper towels. "Put some down then follow me, room four is empty."

Instead of looking abashed, Maggie just giggled, kissing her dog's nose as she covered the puddle. Her grin was adorable and so were the dimples that formed with it, making Alex's throat go dry.

"In here." Alex gestured to a mint green examining room, clearing her throat with an annoyed sound. "What's going on with Roscoe?" She started to fill out the sheet she had handed Maggie and the woman smirked.

"You're the doctor?"

"I'm the intern doing the check up. I can go get a _real_ doctor if you want," Alex said snarkily.

"I'd much rather it be you." Maggie sat down, pulling her dog into her lap. "Roscoe hasn't been feeling too good lately."

"How old is he?"

"Six. But he's been acting like an eighty year-old man, moping around the house, sleeping for most of the day." Her bravado was gone and her brown eyes softened when she looked at her dog. "I'm worried about him."

Alex finished scribbling something then bent down to peer at the dog's eyes with a penlight. "Did he eat anything he shouldn't have recently? Get into a fight with a possum, maybe he has an injury you didn't see?"

"I would've seen it," Maggie said adamantly. "And he wouldn't have been injured. He's one of the best on the force. He's saved my life on multiple occasions." At Alex's wave she set him on the table, keeping a hand on his head.

Alex started to work her hands along his body, her eyebrows furrowed in concentration. When she reached his stomach he let out a sharp yip and jumped away.

"What are you doing?" Maggie sounded frantic and she stepped between Alex and the table.

"Examining him. There's definitely something wrong." She reached out a hand but Roscoe growled low in his throat until Maggie said his name. When she touched his stomach again with lighter fingers, he whimpered.

"You're hurting him!" Maggie shoved her hand away and stood in front of her dog.

The look in her eyes made Alex's heart twinge with sympathy and she handed Maggie the unfinished form. "Fill this out and drop it off up front. I'm going to order some scans." As she left the room she could hear Maggie talking to him.

Ten minutes later Maggie walked out of the room with a wide smile on her face. "Here you go."

Alex took it without looking. "We'll have to keep him overnight," she said in a serious voice.

"That's okay." Maggie heard her own voice crack and Alex did too, scanning her face with a frown.

"What's that look for?" Maggie was smiling an awful lot for someone who, minutes ago, was worried about her dog.

"Nothing. I'll see you."

A little while after Maggie left Alex was filing her papers away when she saw it. That must have been why the cop was wearing such a shit-eating grin.

At the bottom of the insurance form was a stick figure drawing of a police man next to a phone number and the words _"Call me."_

* * *

Two days passed with no hint of Kara. After an early breakfast with Thomas where the boy yawned every two minutes, Lena headed to the math wing, her steps heavy. Maybe Nathaniel wouldn't be in class again, but she still had the memory of crying on the stairs.

Her hopes were dashed when she saw him sitting at his desk, drumming on it with a pencil. When she walked in, he jerked to his feet and it rolled onto the floor.

"Lena."

She didn't meet his eyes, sitting as far away from him as the small room allowed.

"Lena, I'm so sorry about the other day."

_Why does he sound so scared?_

"I didn't mean to say those awful things to you but my sister was good friends with one of the women Lex attacked. I'm sorry," he said again.

That caught her attention. "Who?"

He swallowed. "Caitlin Miller."

Lena winced. _Caitlin Miller. _"I get it," she said, unwilling to look him in the eye.

"I'm _really sorry._"

"Yeah, I heard you the first time," she said sharply.

"No, you don't understand, your mother—" He stopped talking abruptly when Cryderman came into the room.

_My mother? What does she have to do with this?_

After class she cornered him in the room, not caring if she was late to history.

"What were you saying about my mother?"

His eyes were wide with fear and Lena took a step back. She had trapped him the same way her mother would have and anger went through her at the thought that she was becoming like Lillian.

"I'm not supposed to tell you," he shook his head. "I'll get in so much trouble—"

"_What did my mother do?"_

"She came to my house!" The words sounded like they had ripped their way out of him and Lena froze.

"Your house?"

"Yes, yes! She said she'd seen footage of us talking and that if I ever went near you again I'd be sorry, but there are no cameras in the classrooms so I wanted to apologize before you left." The words were rushed together and he held his hands up. "Your mother said she would ruin my life if I ever bothered you again."

A horrible mixture of disgust and pride was surging through Lena and she felt light-headed. "How did she see..."

"The security cameras. In the hallways."

_Damn it._

Another thought struck her as Nathaniel ran out of the room, his tail between his legs. If her mother could see the security footage, using her own hacking technology no doubt, then she must have seen her and Kara running around the school since day one.

Which meant that Kara had a target on her back.

Shooting a text to Kara before she headed for her next class, Lena rubbed at her temples. In the hallway she saw Mike and she approached him nervously. He was surrounded by friends and when she pushed past Thomas, he saw her.

The look on his face went from 'show-off' to closed off in an instant.

"Lena." He nodded stoically and the people dispersed magically. Must be some alpha dog pheromone he gave off. Or his overuse of Axe body spray.

She cut to the chase. "Have you seen Kara?"

He snorted, rolling his eyes. "She's never available at the end of September. If you were good friends, you'd know that."

Frowning, Lena unlocked her phone and stared at Kara's name, the unanswered text. _She told me the other night in my room, you idiot._ "You don't know why?"

"It's whatever. She does this sometimes, goes off the grid. She always comes back as my Kara, though." He waved a hand dismissively and Lena was caught off guard by the wave of _anger_ that rushed through her.

Mike saw the look in her eyes and put a hand on her shoulder. Too swept away by her rage, she didn't flinch, just met his steely gaze with a frustrated one of her own.

"Listen, Luthor," he said, and she bristled at her last name in his mouth. "Don't go trying to track her down. Kara doesn't need people like _you_ following her around. I like her the way she is, so don't go changing that."

Lena had to bite down on her lip to stop herself from lashing out. Did this moron not know how to recognize patterns? Did he not see how Kara changed when people talked? Or maybe he simply didn't care, maybe he just wanted the cardboard cutout of a smiling girlfriend without the three dimensional person it came with.

Without another word, she shoved his hand away and walked off.

_I need to talk to you._

* * *

Kara stared at her phone screen, not answering.

_What could she want to talk about?_

Maybe it was the photo shoot and Kara taking off her shirt. Maybe it was something completely unrelated to her. Either way, she couldn't muster up the energy to be interested and she turned back to the gravestones in front of her.

She remembered the screaming more than anything. She remembered the sight of the flames as they got closer and closer to where she was trapped under a ton of twisted metal, the firemen yelling things at her that she couldn't hear over the ringing in her ears.

She remembered feeling cold despite the late September heat, seeing blood staining her clothes and not knowing where it was coming from. Scrabbling at the unyielding metal until she got tired, trying to keep her eyes open because someone was yelling her name and her parents names and—

Someone was walking through the gates of the cemetery and she squinted, trying to make out who it was. The Danvers didn't come here much so it must have been a stranger visiting a loved one. As Kara watched, she was surprised to see the figure turn towards her and speed up slightly. They got closer and closer and when Kara saw who it was, her eyes widened.

"Lena?"

The wind carried her voice and the brunette's head snapped up. She didn't say anything, sitting next to Kara with a somber expression on her face.

"What are you doing here?" Kara asked, bewildered.

Lena put her arm around Kara's shoulders and their eyes met. "Looking for you," she said softly. Kara was still wearing her shirt but she didn't say anything about it. Her usually bright friend looked tired, like all the life had been drained out of her.

"How did you find me?"

Her perfect eyebrows twitched. "Snapchat. You may not use the app, but I think it still tracks your location." She didn't say anything about how she'd reacted, seeing the little dot labeled 'Kara' sitting smack-dab in the middle of the nearest cemetery. How the visceral sadness and sympathy had washed through her leaving memories of her childhood hanging around her like cobwebs.

"Huh," Kara said dryly. "I guess that'll free up some space on my phone. If you came here to watch me cry, it was a wasted trip." The joke sounded sad and empty and she turned back to the gravestones, Lena following her gaze.

They were grey marble like the kind that most people got but slightly better quality. Two of them dwarfed a half-sized one between them and Lena read the names carved into the smooth, grey stone.

_Ellie Philips: October 11, 1977 – September 20, 2010_

_John Philips: February 2, 1974 – September 20, 2010_

_Clark Philips: June 12, 2004 – September 20, 2010_

Her breath caught and she stared at Kara, the weight of the names heavy on her tongue. The film photograph she had seen of the happy family flashed across her mind and her heart beat painfully slowly.

"I really like soccer."

"What?"

"I really like soccer," Kara repeated, stone-faced.

She was deflecting, distracting. Lena recognized it better than anyone.

"What do you like about it?"

Kara thought for a moment. "I like running."

"Why's that?"

"Because the doctors told me I'd never be able to walk again." The answer was heartbreakingly honest and when Kara looked up again, Lena saw the raw emotion in her eyes.

"You strike me as the defiant type," Lena commented, rubbing small circles on Kara's shoulder with her thumb. She didn't know what else to say, just watched Kara's face; her long eyelashes almost brushed her glasses with each blink.

A strangled laugh made its way out of Kara's throat and before Lena knew what was happening the blonde girl was crying, her shoulders were shaking and she was lying down in Lena's lap. Lena held her as the wave of sobs worked through her body, her heart splitting with every wet sound Kara made.

When Kara's sobs took on a harsh, gasping quality, Lena felt her own eyes getting wet. Every breath petered out into smaller and smaller sobs like the ripples of an earthquake and Lena's heart felt like it was being crushed in a metal vice.

Kara was always so cheerful and went out of her way to help people, but here she was, falling to pieces in Lena's arms.

They stayed like that until Lena's legs feel asleep but she didn't move, tracing patterns on Kara's arm with a gentle hand. When the sun started to set she unzipped her light windbreaker and covered the blonde's shoulders, her hand resting on her back.

"Kara?" Her voice was scratchy from hours of silence. "Are you asleep?" Her friend didn't answer, just shifted, her head resting on Lena's thigh. If Lena had checked she would have seen Kara's blue eyes staring at the gravestones, red-rimmed and half-open.

But she didn't check.

"I don't know what's going on," she whispered, smoothing out her blouse on Kara's back. "And I know you have other people you've known longer. But I just want to help. I want to be there for you in whatever way you need."

Her hand hit what felt like a large wrinkle and she rubbed it out, feeling the ridge through the fabric. A second later it was still there and Lena frowned, rubbing in a different direction.

It didn't feel like a wrinkle anymore.

"That's my scar. L2 injury."

Kara's voice startled her and she jerked her hand back.

"How are you feeling?" she asked once she got her voice back.

"Better," Kara admitted, her face not losing its sad, resigned look. "Why is it so hot?"

"My fault." Lena pulled the jacket off. "I thought you'd get cold."

"I never get cold." Kara sat up with an embarrassed look at Lena's pants. "Did I just ruin a hundred dollar pair of jeans?"

Lena shook her head. "Don't worry about it."

Kara hummed, leaning her head on Lena's shoulder. "You must think I'm such a loser," she said with a twitch of her lips. "It's been nine years and I'm crying like a baby."

"I don't think you're a loser," Lena said sincerely. "I think you went through something terrible and it could be decades before you can talk about it without hurting the way it does right now. It's a sadness that never goes away, not really."

Kara wiped at her cheeks. Her eyes fastened on Lena's jaw and without thinking she reached out and traced it, leaving a trail of tears along the curve. "You're wearing my shirt," she commented, her voice more muted than Lena had ever heard it.

"I'll wash it before I give it back; I slept in it, I'm afraid," Lena said sheepishly, holding very still at the sensation of Kara's fingers on her cheek.

Kara let her hand fall and Lena shivered at the cold air. The blonde frowned. "You're cold. We should go inside."

"No, we can stay—"

"I'm getting cold too," Kara lied. She wanted to leave the graveyard with its ghosts and marble blocks and unwelcoming nature, her family lying buried in front of her. She wanted to tell Lena everything, and the sudden realization was as surprising as it was forceful.

"I thought you didn't get cold?"

"I could use a cup of tea." Thankfully, Lena caught on and let Kara help her up. The pins and needles lingered but she didn't notice, laser-focused on Kara.

The drive from the cemetery to Kara's house was over half an hour. They sat in silence, Lena trying not to wonder about the scar and failing miserably, her imagination running wild.

"You can ask." Kara broke the silence as she pulled into her driveway.

Lena recoiled at the idea. If someone had asked her about her family she would've rejected them, cut them down with a few well-chosen phrases about minding their own business. It had earned her something of a cold reputation in her mother's social circles but it was better than the alternative, fielding questions from man after man about her life, her interests, her hobbies.

"What do your tattoos mean?"

A startled chuckle filled the car and Kara looked over at her. "That's your question?"

"That's what I've been thinking of since I saw them," Lena confessed.

Kara sighed. She needed to get it off her chest and she knew the house would be empty. Alex had always told her to tell someone but she hadn't found the right person; the closest she'd gotten was Veronica and it certainly wasn't Mike. He always ribbed her for not drinking, always complained about her lack of energy whenever she felt depressed—like it was her fault for not smiling all the time.

She hadn't told anyone about her last tattoo, the roman numeral that had more meaning than anyone could have guessed.

"Do you want the full story?"

"Only if you want to tell it to me," Lena said sincerely.

Pursing her lips, Kara got out and Lena followed her inside. "We'll have the house to ourselves until midnight. Jeremiah's away on business and Eliza's working, and Alex said she had a date." She led Lena to the kitchen and put a kettle on, her dogs at her heels.

Just like last time, Oisín was partial to Lena, resting his head on her knees once she sat down. A little while later they were facing each other, two steaming mugs of tea on the counter. Kara was fidgeting with her tea bag, dipping it in and out with an agitated air.

"Last chance to get out of it," she said nervously adjusting her glasses. "You can leave and we can pretend this never happened." Her voice cracked and she braced her hands on the counter.

Lena felt Kara's pain like a slap to the face. She licked a finger and wiped a few tear tracks from the blonde's cheeks, though she suspected they would reappear in a few minutes. "I don't want you to have to pretend with me, Kara."

Kara blew out a shaky breath, taking her glasses off and resting them on the table.

"Here goes nothing."


	6. The Catalyst, or, September 20th

"My mom's favorite animal was an elephant. Maybe because it sounded like her name, maybe because everything in my room was elephant themed...it's my favorite animal too." Kara took a sip of tea and Lena waited patiently. It was taking the blonde some time to gain traction to her story, she had started and stopped a few times already.

"So that's the elephant tattoo. It's more for my mom than anyone else, but it's also for my family. Did you know that elephants are one of the only animals that mourn their dead?"

Lena did know that but she shook her head, her eyes wide.

"Yeah, they remember the burial sites." Kara's voice softened and Lena's heart hurt at the look on her face. Unconditional love mixed with anguish, it reminded her of a young version of herself, still trying to earn Lillian's adoration. It had taken several hard hears for her to grow up and realize it was in vain; Lillian was never going to do anything but despise her. It broke her heart that Kara felt the same way but the reason her mother couldn't reciprocate was because she was...

Dead.

Kara's mother was dead. And Kara was telling her the whole story.

"The candle is for my dad. Something he always said." Her fingers drummed against the table, fast and nervous. "'A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle.'" Kara laughed humorlessly. "I always try to live by that, spread the joy and all. I do a pretty good job, don't I?" Her voice dropped and Lena had to lean forward to hear her.

"Sometimes I get tired of always being happy. I know there's medication and therapy but sometimes I...get stuck. And Mike always gets grumpy but it passes, it always passes." She looked uncertain, like she was waiting for the day it wouldn't.

Lena couldn't let that slide. "If he doesn't like you for who you are, maybe you shouldn't be with him."

"He knows me, Lee. He knows my crazy and he understands it." Kara's defensive tone didn't sound convincing. "Two years is a long time."

"It is. But it sounds like you cover up and hold back a lot from him and he only likes parts of you." Biting her tongue, Lena sat back, Lillian's parenting extinguishing her short-lived outburst . "I'm sorry, it's not my place—please excuse me."

"No, it's fine. It's...refreshing. Most people just complain about how cute we are." Kara quirked an eyebrow at her. "You sounded so proper just then, where did you grow up?"

"What about your other tattoo?" Lena asked, desperate to stop talking about herself. _How did you turn this around? You're so self-absorbed. _

The tea sat untouched between them. Kara looked around and Lena held her breath; the blonde girl had a lost feeling hanging about her that made her heart clench and she slid her hands across the table, resting them palms up.

Without hesitating, Kara put her hands in Lena's. They were soft, and warm, and she tried to ignore the fact that her heart was pounding. She had no idea when they'd grown so close but something made her stand up, pulling Kara over to the couch. She sat in the corner and Kara practically fell into her lap, leaning her head on Lena's chest. Her arms went naturally around the other girl for the second time that day and she could smell Kara's shampoo inches away, but the only thought in her mind was concern for her friend.

That being said, she still jumped when Kara started talking in a low voice.

"When I was eight, I loved riding horses. There was a stable near my house in Boston and I worked for them—mucked out the stables in exchange for riding lessons." She felt comfortable in Lena's arms and she didn't care that Mike would be mad, she needed a friend and Lena was here and holding her and she was so comfortable and soft and _warm._ "I was a kid but I would ride with all the older girls. I competed once or twice, won a ribbon."

Not sure where she was going with this, Lena made an encouraging sound when Kara glanced up, her face unreadable.

"You really don't mind listening to this?"

"I will always listen to anything you have to say," Lena said seriously. She felt a thrum in her chest at her words and no doubt Kara felt it too.

They locked eyes. Kara looked relieved, like she'd needed that last bit of confirmation. "We were on the way to the stables," she continued, all the words jockeying for position now that Lena's interest was confirmed. "My parents, my brother and I were listening to a CD of Chopin's full works. I was sitting behind the passenger seat, Clark was next to me."

Lena watched her carefully, pieces of a puzzle worming their way through her brain.

Kara's face was somewhere around her chest and she took a deep breath. "And then out of nowhere this other car comes hurtling down the road and crashes into the driver's side. Drunk driver. Didn't see us, I guess. No skid marks." Her voice stayed even but Lena felt her heart jumping through the thin cotton that separated them.

"The car flipped a couple times. I can't really remember anything until it came to a stop, and my mom screaming our names. She kept yelling them over and over but I couldn't see her, and everything was on fire and the other car was upside down and I could tell it was bad but I had _no idea—_" She stopped talking abruptly, her throat closing.

Lena kissed her temple and Kara squeezed her eyes shut, melting into the warmth of Lena's body. A few tears slipped out and landed on her shirt but Lena didn't seem to mind.

"I can't believe I'm telling you this," she said, more to herself than Lena.

"You don't have to," her friend soothed, her lips still brushing Kara's skin.

Kara looked up with watery blue eyes. "I want to. I can't explain it, I just...I want to."

Lena nodded. _I want to tell you things, too. _"I'm listening."

Kara chose her words carefully, afraid of scaring Lena off. "The reports say my dad died on impact." Her voice took on a clinical feel, one that Lena recognized because she used it so often herself. "And my mom died when part of the car crushed her skull."

Lena's heart stopped beating. What Kara was telling her was gut-wrenching, her expression heartbreakingly raw.

"Clark bled out. I heard him saying my name, 'Kara, Kara.' I could see him a few feet away, lying on the ground. His little hand was stretched out towards me and he said 'Kara, you're bleeding. Kara, my leg hurts. Kara, where's mom?'"

"A piece of our car had hit his femoral artery. Do you know how long it takes a six year old to bleed out?" Her voice was hoarse. "Not very long."

Holding herself very still, Lena waited for her to continue. When she agreed to listen to Kara's story she didn't realize she was giving the other girl license to rip her heart out of her chest. She had an inkling, sure, that it would be painful and vulnerable but nothing could have prepared her for _this. _

"I couldn't feel anything. I kept trying to get to my brother but I was stuck on something, my legs wouldn't work. Everything was on fire; the other car's gas tank ignited and the explosion was so loud...And the whole time the only fucking thing that worked was the CD player and the same piano piece played over and over." Her voice cracked on the swear and she clenched her jaw, trying to retain a small part of control. "My mom was trying to learn that piece. The nocturne. So it was on repeat."

"I heard Clark say my name a couple more times. By the end he sounded confused, tired, and I was screaming at him to keep his eyes open and to stay awake but he couldn't, he was so little and there was so much blood and I couldn't keep him awake. I was supposed to keep him safe and he died, right in front of me, my little brother..." Her face crumpled and she buried herself in Lena's chest, her forehead pressing hard against her collarbone. Hot tears soaked through Lena's—Kara's—shirt and she took a wet, shuddering breath before looking back up.

"My little brother said my name nine times before he died," she whispered.

Lena swallowed. Kara was crying an inch away from her and she found herself drowning in the sad, blue eyes. She desperately wanted to do something, anything to make her feel like she wasn't alone but her mind was a blank. "Kara, I..."

What did you say when someone told you the singular most horrible thing you had ever heard in your life?

The door opened and Lena looked up. Her entire body sang with tension and her arms tightened around Kara. Kara didn't move; she felt heavy, like something was pressing her down into Lena.

"Babe?"

"Mike?!" Kara's head shot up, almost hitting Lena's chin.

Lena didn't miss the hint of fear in her voice and she shot her a curious glance.

"Hey, I thought I'd—" He stopped when he saw them curled together on the couch. His face twisted with hurt and something malicious that made Lena uneasy, and his voice was hard when he spoke again.

"What is this?"

The three words seemed to wake Kara up and then she was out of Lena's arms and standing. "Mike, I didn't think you'd be here."

"Evidently."

"That's not what I meant." Kara looked between them, pulling at Mike's arm. "We were just talking. Babe, let me explain." It wasn't 'just talking' to her, but he didn't need to know that.

"Explain what? I give you space and you end up on the couch with another girl?" He sounded angry and exasperated. "What is wrong with you? You skip school and don't even text your boyfriend back—I asked if you wanted to meet me and the boys for dinner."

The look Kara turned on Lena had guilt written all over it and Lena felt a surge of protectiveness.

"Maybe you shouldn't make her feel bad for having emotions." She stood and faced Mike, crossing her arms and stepping in front of Kara.

Kara was looking at her with worry and something else—was that awe?

"What do you know about it?" he snarled, taking a step towards her.

She stood her ground, a strong rush of emotion keeping her jaw firm. Lillian might be able to scare her but not this _boy,_ not with Kara's eyes pleading with her like that.

"I know that acting like everything is fine doesn't do anyone any good."

"Why the fuck do you think I'm here?" He threw his arms up. "After you decide to get mad at _me _and go storming off to find her, of course I'm gonna follow! I'm her boyfriend!"

"I'm right here," Kara said quietly, but Mike didn't even look at her.

"If you really cared about her maybe you would've gone after her first instead of chasing a consolation prize," Lena said in a biting tone. Mike reminded her of Lillian; rule by fear, act with anger, and always too little, too late.

"You don't know anything about her," Mike hissed. "You're just some bratty rich kid whose mother shipped her away because she doesn't love you. Your family is a disgrace—"

Lena's eyes widened.

Kara was standing between them—how had she moved so fast?—and her hand was raised. She had slapped him across the face mid-sentence and he stared at her, his jaw gaping open like a fish. There was a justified anger to her stance and she looked _furious_.

"Don't you dare talk to my friends like that." The ice in her tone was unmistakable.

A second later she was running past them and up the stairs, holding back tears. Lena's eyes followed her and she fought the urge to run after the crying girl, her gut twisting because it was Mike's job.

Mike, however, didn't seem inclined to go comfort his girlfriend. Putting a hand to his cheek he eyed Lena, disgusted. "See what you did?"

"Oh, what I did? That's rich," Lena snapped, her mind still on Kara.

"What is it with you? What about you is likable?" His words might've stung anyone else but she was used to her mother making such comments.

"I could say the same about you." She glared daggers at him.

* * *

"And that's why I avoid San Diego," Alex finished, Maggie laughing at her story.

Maggie grinned at her from across the pool table. "You let one hipster in your pants behind a dumpster and the whole city gets blacklisted? That's hardly fair to the people of San Diego."

"What're they missing?"

"You," the cop said simply, picking up her pool stick. She bent over the table with an air of confidence and shot the 8 ball into the corner pocket. "You owe me ten bucks," she said with a raised eyebrow. "Again."

_God, I'm losing money to this woman and it's so **attractive**._

Alex fished in her wallet for the ten, slapping it down on the table. "One more round."

Maggie shrugged and slipped the bill into her back pocket where it joined the other two. "You're paying," she said amicably. "Although your bill must be close to nothing because all you've been drinking is club soda."

Alex pursed her lips. "My sister doesn't like when I drink," she said with a wave of her hand. It was only half true; Kara didn't mind when she drank, just was always adamant that she never drive until the next day. Alex was just afraid she would end up sobbing on the floor and telling Maggie all about Sam—college had proven her to be a messy drunk.

"Older or younger?" Setting up the balls for the next round, Maggie sipped her ginger ale.

"Younger. High school."

"Aw, that's sweet. I wish I had a younger sibling to keep me in check." She took the first shot and Alex's eyes glued to her ass when she bent over. "See something you like?"

Gulping at the fact that Maggie caught her staring, Alex turned bright red and dropped her purse.

"No, I just—I—There's—"

She was saved the embarrassment of talking when her phone rang, bending down to retrieve it. When she stood back up she saw that Maggie had watched her shamelessly and licked her lips before answering.

"Kara? What's up?"

"Mike and Lena are at the house."

"Are you okay? What are they doing there?" Alex's eyebrows knit and Maggie watched her, her brown eyes roaming over Alex's body. She should've changed out of her workout clothes but Maggie had picked her up from the gym and—

"They're fighting. About me, and I don't know what to do and I slapped Mike—I slapped him! He was being so mean and I just reacted—"

"I'm coming right now," Alex said firmly, heading for the door. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Maggie pay their tab and follow her out.

"Dine and dash?" Maggie said jokingly, already pulling out her keys.

"No, my sister—oh. You're joking."

"Of course I'm joking." She frowned, dimples forming at the corners of her mouth. "Hey, is everything okay?"

Alex shook her head, her hands tightening around her purse. "Not really. Today's the anniversary of...it's not a good day for my sister to be upset by anything, but some of her classmates are at our house causing trouble."

"What's the address? I'll take you," Maggie said easily.

"No, I couldn't ask you to—"

"Lights and sirens is faster. And I drove you here." She opened the passenger door for Alex.

"But you paid and I've been a horrible date—"

"Is that what this is?" Maggie said cheekily, pulling out of the parking lot. "And the money I paid with was technically yours."

"It doesn't matter," Alex said, distracted, already mapping out a route home. "Turn here."

They got there in record time and when Maggie followed her up the sidewalk she didn't argue. Hearing voices from inside, her hands fumbled the keys into the lock.

"Kara was always happy until you showed up." Mike's voice, angry and insistent.

"No, she wasn't. You just don't see things." A girl's voice. Lena.

"Maybe you should stick to talking about science. Something you actually understand," Mike seethed, "Instead of talking about _feelings._ Your family doesn't have much experience with those, from what I've heard."

Pushing the door open, she saw Kara at the top of the stairs right before several pounds of _person_ almost hit her in the face.

"Lena?" She caught the younger girl and steadied her, her eyes wide. Mike was standing with a guilty look on his face, his arms outstretched. "What is your problem?" Alex turned on him.

Kara had seen him push her and started down the stairs but stopped halfway, hesitating. _Lena must hate me, I dragged her into this whole thing and now Mike is being so rude._

Lena looked relieved. "Alex, thank god you're here—Kara, she's upset, maybe you can help—"

"I'll go talk to her," Mike started for the stairs but Maggie intervened and he glared at her. "Who the hell are you?"

Alex glanced at her sister and saw her shake her head. It took her half a moment to decide, and then she was yelling; "Alright. Everyone out!" She had no qualms about shoving Mike towards the door and did so with a firm hand. She made no effort to be gentle and he almost stumbled, and she bit back a snarky retort.

Mike turned and caught a glimpse of blonde hair at the top of the stairs. "Babe, come on. You want me to stay, don't you? Your sister hates me but I can make you feel better. I'm all you need."

Maggie winced. _Wrong choice of words._ He might've meant well, but from her short evening with Alex she knew that wouldn't go over well with the brunette.

Alex's expression darkened. "Get the fuck out of my house or I will have you arrested," she growled, her lip curling. Their relationship had always been strained; she had never liked him. Her parents did and Kara said she did, but he had too quick a temper and too low a tolerance for her to ever respect him.

"Not unless Kara wants me out," he said petulantly.

Kara's small voice echoed down the stairwell. "I want Lena to stay."

Lena's eyes widened and she didn't know what to do with herself, standing in the foyer watching all of this go down. Her stomach was eating itself, it seemed, and she stayed where she was.

Mike bristled at that. "If she's staying then so am I," he insisted, taking a step towards the stairs.

Seeing Alex start to unravel, Maggie saw her chance.

"No one is staying." She put herself between Mike and the quickly angering woman and gave him a warning look. "Cool down and I'll take you home."

"I don't know you, so no, thanks," Mike said dismissively. "I'll think I'll stay."

All the warmth dropped from her tone and Maggie's eyes hardened. "I suggest you listen to me," she said, flashing her badge, "Or you'll have bigger problems than fighting with your girlfriend.

At the flash of gold, his eyes widened and he opened his mouth to say something but Maggie opened the door and glared at him until he traipsed outside. She looked back at Alex and Lena, then spoke as if the younger girl wasn't there.

"Need me to take her home too?"

Alex nodded. "Thank you. I'm sorry this was a disaster." Her forehead was wrinkled with stress and worry and Maggie felt bad for intruding.

"Eh, don't be." She gave her another cute smile. "Just means you have to make it up to me." She leaned forwards and kissed Alex on the cheek, taking both of them by surprise. "Say hi to your sister for me," she whispered, then walked out the door with Lena before she had the chance to respond.

"You can sit in the front," Alex heard her say as the door closed. "The back doors don't open from the inside."

Sliding the bolt home, Alex leaned against the door and blew out a breath. _Of course Mike would pull something like this today, of all days._

"Alex?"

Her sister's voice pulled her up the stairs until they were sitting together on the floor.

"What happened?"

Wide blue eyes looked at her guiltily. "I didn't mean for it to happen. You just said when I found the right person I'd know, and I did." She had her arms around her knees and she was curled in on herself.

Alex sighed, running a hand through her hair. "You told her, didn't you." When Kara nodded silently, she gave her a small smile. "I'm glad you told her. I don't know much about her, but you seem happier after you guys hang out."

"I am," Kara whispered. "She's so nice, and understanding, and she never tries to decide things for me or force me to go out. I can be myself with her."

Nodding to herself, Alex put a hand on Kara's knee. "What about Mike?" She hated the look that Kara got whenever she and her boyfriend fought, like she was steeling herself to do something she didn't want to do.

"I'll make up with him. I always do."

Alex sighed, feeling guilty. "You always do," she echoed, her heart heavy in her chest.

* * *

Laughing over a pizza, Kara heard the door open.

"I'm home," Eliza called out, tossing her keys into the bowl. "How was your day?" She kissed both of her daughters and stole the crust out of Kara's hand.

"I got to yell at Mike," Alex said smugly. Eliza sighed and ruffled her hair.

"You're too hard on him. Be nice to that poor boy," she said in an admonishing tone.

"What! I—Kara, back me up." Alex turned to her sister, her eyebrows raising.

Rolling her eyes, Kara told a watered down version of the day's events. Alex didn't say anything when she left out the part about slapping Mike, but by the end Eliza had her hands over her mouth.

"That's horrible, sweetie. I'm glad you called Alex."

"Me, too." Kara smiled at her sister and checked her phone for the hundredth time.

Ten missed calls from Mike.

Still nothing from Lena.

"I'm sure she'll forgive you," Eliza bumped her shoulder.

Kara hid her phone. "Yeah, he's already—what?"

"Lena. I'm sure she'll forgive you." Eliza said it like it she was missing obvious. "I know you feel guilty about involving her. You have the same expression as the time you killed Alex's goldfish."

"Alex didn't get over that for five months!" Kara said morosely, eating a third of a slice in one bite.

"Yeah, cause Fishy was the first pet I bought with my allowance money." Alex nudged her with an elbow, smiling fondly at the memory.

Kara snorted into her pizza. "A fish named 'Fishy'? You're lucky I don't tell every lady on the street that he was your first love. Speaking of which, who was the mystery lady?"

Eliza made an interested noise and propped her arms on the table. She had watched Alex mope around, crying when Kara wasn't home and drinking bottomless cups of tea, and she was glad to hear her daughter was making friends. "Mystery lady?"

"Thanks for nothing," Alex groaned as Kara snickered. "Just a lady I met at work," she said to her mother. "Stop smirking."

"A lady that you brought home," Kara pointed out. "A lady that you might have ravished if not for your responsible, mature younger sister."

"I hate you," Alex grumbled, turning red. Eliza just shook her head and laughed along with Kara.

"You should introduce us. What's her name?"

"I'm not introducing you to someone I _just met_ last week," Alex complained.

"Last week, huh," Eliza ribbed. "Does this mean you've already had your chance to 'ravish' her?"

"Oh my god, ew. I am _so_ not talking about this with you." Alex made a face at both of them. "Yeah, sure. Have a good laugh at my expense. Just know if I ever _do_ bring someone home, I might have sex on your bed."

That shut Kara up.

* * *

The day of the homecoming game there was a buzz going around campus. Half of the classes the teachers just hyped up the students and the other half Lena had already done the work for so she didn't pay attention at all.

She hadn't talked to Kara since that night, not sure what to say to her.

"_Sorry your entire family is dead."_

"_If it means anything, I'd trade my family for yours in a heartbeat."_

"_Why is your boyfriend such a prick?"_

None of these seemed like very tactful things to say, so she had forced herself to say nothing. No texting, no calls, sitting far away from Kara during class or skipping altogether. The only words she'd said to her was when Kara had leaned over in chemistry and brushed her hand, asking if she had a pencil.

Of course she had a pencil, they were in class, why wouldn't she and of course Kara could borrow it and she looked so cute even with lab goggles on it _wasn't_ _fair—_

Her lack of communication did nothing to slow her obsession. If anything it had gotten worse—she had filled a 1-inch binder with drawings of the blonde. No wonder Kara locked up her photos; if anyone stumbled across Lena's drawings she would die where she stood.

The worst was when she used her lock picking skills to break into the arts cabinet and drew the photo of Kara's family. There were three copies of that one, because the first two had been ruined by tears.

With such a long period of introspection, her feelings were becoming more and more painfully obvious. It was a part of her she'd never been able to understand, a part of her she'd never wanted to understand. But after Alex told her Kara had kissed a girl—kissed a girl and liked it? The thought wouldn't leave Lena's brain and she started remembering moments in her life. Lillian, shoving old men at her—or worse, shoving her at old men. How she wished one of the gala ladies would come and save her or notice her, the excuses she would make up to get closer to them. How she felt about Kara.

_What if I kissed her and she liked it?_

With a long, quiet groan, Lena lay down on her bed, scrolling through Kara's Instagram. She had drawn almost every single photo (twice) with the exception of the ones Mike was in. For two years of dating, he wasn't in many of them—one from a party, two anniversary posts and two for his birthdays.

_What is wrong with you?_

Smiling at a picture of Kara with a massive cotton candy—_"State fair, here we come!"_—she closed her eyes right as her phone dinged.

A text.

From Kara.

_Meet me at the football field! :)_

She fought with herself over what to say for twelve minutes, watching the crowds flock to the field and trying to stop her heart from pounding, and in the end sent nothing. She didn't know what to say, how to explain away her cold shoulder.

If anything, she had to apologize for the other night. Right?

The amount of control Kara had over her was alarming. She wondered if it bordered on unhealthy, the way she gave in so easily.

The second she got there she knew it was a bad idea. The crowd was filled with a manic sort of energy and Lena considered turning around and hiding in her dorm room, the daunting task of finding Kara seemingly impossible in the face of 700 screaming teenagers. She had taken a few steps to do just that when she heard her name yelled over the roar.

"Lena! Turn around—Lena! Hey!" Kara ran up to her covered in Midvale Prep swag and brandishing a foam #1 finger. "Hey! I was worried I scared you off, I feel like you've been avoiding me." Her smile was blinding and Lena's brain stuttered.

"I have," Lena blurted out. Kara's cheeks were flushed and she was grinning ear to ear but her face fell at Lena's hasty reply.

"Oh. Is it cause of...you know."

Lena shook her head, schooling her features into a neutral expression. "I'm kidding. I've just been really busy and I had to get a new phone." In true Luthor fashion, she lied without thinking, letting Kara drag her through the horde.

"Bangarang! I talked to Mike and he feels really bad about the other night. He said he's really sorry, and asked if there's any way he can make it up to you." Kara hid her disappointment; she knew Lena was lying. Usually her eyebrows twitched or one raised up when she talked, this time neither of them moved a millimeter. Her friend had a frustratingly good poker face whenever anyone else was around, when it was just the two of them she could read her like an open book. "I hope you don't hate him too much."

"It's fine. He was protecting the person he cares about." _Just like I was._

Kara's grin returned in full force. "He'll be happy to hear you say that. I have seats over here, come on."

They sat next to Thomas and a bunch of Kara's friends and Lena almost jumped out of her skin when Thomas put a hand on her thigh.

"Hey, did you get the picture I sent? Of the suit? It's nothing too fancy."

She nodded, her eyes on the field. She had picked her semi-formal dress with Kara in mind, not Thomas. Kara, who on the first day had said her green eyes were "startling".

"Cool. I'll pick you up at 8?"

"Sure."

The announcer's voice boomed across the field. "Ladies and gentleman, leeet's get ready to rumble! Let me hear you, Midvale Prep!"

The game started and Lena did her best to focus on it but she didn't care about football. Kara was cheering Mike on and shouting words she didn't know; "Blitz!" "Bootleg!" "Hitch!" "Sweep!" but Lena's attention was on something else.

"Are you wearing a different perfume?" she said to Kara during one of the breaks.

"What?" Kara turned to her breathlessly, blinking cutely behind her glasses.

"You always smell like vanilla, but today you...don't," Lena finished lamely, not meeting Kara's eyes.

"Oh, yeah. I spent the night at Mike's and he doesn't have any of my shampoo or anything," she explained, cheering loudly a second later. She wrapped an arm around Lena's shoulders, sticking her foam finger in the air.

The effect was immediate. Lena ducked out from under Kara's arm and landed in Thomas' lap. He looked inordinately pleased and pulled her into a sitting position so she was draped across his legs and she smiled sheepishly, hooking an arm around his neck.

Kara looked over in surprise but grinned when she saw them cuddling. "I get it, Thomas is sexier than I am," she winked.

_He really isn't._


	7. Drinks and Emotions Spill Over Together

The dance was being held in the dining hall. It had been cleared out and spruced up and had the vibe of a club and a ballroom mixed together. Music was blaring and there were cups of sparkling cider, as well as teacher chaperones standing at the edges trying not to watch as people made out in the center of the room.

"Congrats to the Midvale Prep champions!"

Kara was running around taking photos and Mike caught her around the waist. He kissed her on the lips and she did a little twirl, her pink, lacy dress flaring out. Everything was okay again. Everything was going back to normal.

Except for that weird moment at the game with Lena.

The lights flashed around the room and Kara waltzed from group to group, each one lighting up as she joined them. Even Elizabeth smiled at her, her happiness was so infectious, but her face soured a moment later and Kara turned to see what had caused the change in attitude, her eyes scanning the room.

When she saw her, she did a double take and almost dropped her camera.

_Oh. My. God._

Lena was walking down the stairs, arm in arm with Thomas. She looked more confident than Kara had ever seen her and he had on a goofy grin, like he knew he had asked the hottest girl in the entire school to the dance. Mike was retelling his touchdown story and Kara effectively ignored him, her mouth hanging open.

The elegant, hunter green dress Lena was wearing looked more expensive than Kara's camera; perfectly fitted sleeves and a swooping, low neckline. Kara's mouth started watering when her eyes fell on Lena's collarbones, drinking in all the sharp angles and shadows.

Her perfect, porcelain skin looked all the more blinding in contrast to the green and her lips—her lips were a sinfully dark red that Kara zeroed in on from across the room. She imagined those lips inches from her ear, whispering things in Lena's low growl, and a zap of electricity shot up her spine.

She was watching the way Lena's carefully curled hair bounced against her neck when she realized someone was talking to her.

"What?"

"I said do you need anything else for the party tonight?" Mike's voice grated her ears and she looked around like she'd been pulled from a dream.

"No, no. I—"

"Kara. Mike." Lena and Thomas had reached them and Lena gave him a small nod.

He looked a little dumbfounded, like he couldn't piece together the glamorous girl in front of him with the girl he had yelled at the other day. "Lena, hey. I'm so sorry about the other night," he started, his eyes just as stuck as Kara's had been.

"Don't worry about it." She smiled good-naturedly and accepted the apple cider Thomas offered her. Meanwhile, her heart was doing somersaults at the sight of Kara in a dress but she kept her voice even. Dresses and dances were her purview, Lillian had practically raised her in heels and a ballroom.

"So what's with this party?" She was desperate to start a conversation, desperate to take all the attention off her. Kara was staring, Mike was staring, Thomas was staring, Elizabeth was staring.

"We have almost everything together," Thomas said a little too loudly. "Mike, I need to clear up some details with you." He pulled his friend away. The quarterback shot a hesitant look at the girls before being led away, like he didn't want to leave them—Kara didn't blame him. She wouldn't want to walk away from Lena right now either.

Lena looked her friend up and down. "You look beautiful," she said, trying to sound nonchalant.

Kara blushed and nodded. "Thanks, I—you're too—I mean, you look...nice." _String a sentence together, for fuck's sake._

Lena smiled and turned, showing Kara the other side. "It's the dress. Where'd you get yours? It's amazing."

Kara gulped, pushing her glasses into her nose instead of up. It was a backless dress and her eyes drank in every inch of Lena's skin, her mouth slightly open. Lena reached out a finger and closed it, smirking.

_Interesting turn of events. _

Blinking at the contact, Kara cleared her throat. _What an unfortunate time to be having a stroke!_ "I, um, present—shopping. My mom—she, we went shopping." She let out a shaky breath, trying to navigate her way from word to word and failing. "You?" She forced the responsibility of talking onto the other girl, choking down a sip of water and stalling for time.

Lena shrugged. "It was a gift from a man my mother made me go out with."

Kara's eyebrows shot up and she regained some of her ability to speak. "Made you?"

"Son of a millionaire," Lena said it like it happened every day. "His father paid my mother to have us photographed together."

"What?" Shocked blue eyes burned into hers. "That's—isn't that illegal? That's like, business prostitution."

Lena let out a startled laugh and the tension melted away. "I suppose it is," she said. "But the joke's on him, because his son is gay. It was a fantastic evening spent running around Manhattan's finest with a gentleman on my arm."

Kara made a face and Lena's heart sunk. "Did I say something wrong?"

"No, no." Kara waved away her awkwardness. "You just always sound formal when you get nervous. It's one of your tells."

"I don't have any _tells,_" Lena said self-consciously.

"Yeah, you do," Kara snorted. "I can always tell when you're lying and I can always tell when you're nervous, and—" She cut herself off abruptly, realizing she was coming across a little too strong.

"You can tell when I'm lying?"

"Uh huh," Kara said, shifting from foot to foot. "You get all stone-faced and nothing changes in your expression."

_Interesting._ "In the Luthor household that's called a poker face."

"Yeah, well to me it's called hiding your emotions. You're an emotional person, Lena, so I know you're lying when you try to pretend otherwise. You have a big heart." Kara blushed at her own words and right then Thomas popped up by Lena's elbow.

"May I ask the lady to dance?"

"You may," Lena said, her eyes not leaving Kara's face. Thomas led her to the center of the room while Mike followed with Kara, and they started dancing to a slow Ed Sheeran song Lena didn't know the words to.

"I really like that dress on you," Thomas whispered in her ear. "You're by far the most stunning girl in the room."

"Thanks." Her eyes chased Kara's legs up and down as they danced.

_Dear god._

She saw Elizabeth staring at her and quickly looked up, only to feel a deep pang of jealousy at the sight of Mike and Kara kissing.

Suddenly it was too much, the heaviness in her heart, the envy, the feeling of Elizabeth staring at her. She grabbed Thomas's face and pressed her lips to his.

He gave in easily. Too easily, like every boy before him. His lips parted and a moment later his tongue was in her mouth. She ran her hands through his hair, let him entertain himself for a few seconds, then pulled away, a mixture of guilt and self-hatred rushing through her.

He was looking at her with so much wonder that she almost scoffed but she composed herself, surreptitiously wiping her mouth off. "Still friends?"

"Still friends," he confirmed in a hoarse voice. His hair was sticking straight up in some places and she smoothed it down.

She glanced over; Kara was looking directly at her, wide eyed, her face an expression of pure surprise. Deciding to play it off as casual, Lena flipped her hair and winked at her. She couldn't stop her heart from fluttering but she pretended it wasn't happening, pretended like she hadn't wished she was kissing someone else.

* * *

After everyone changed into casual clothes, Kara went to track Lena down.

She found her sitting at her desk, her brow furrowed, the door slightly ajar.

"Hey, stranger," Kara knocked on the open door. "The party's in an hour. You doing homework?"

Lena stood up so quickly the chair fell over, flipping over the paper on her desk. Her hands were covered in pencil lead and her hair was in a messy bun. "Kara!" She looked guilty and defensive at the same time and Kara frowned.

"Sorry, didn't mean to startle you. Is everything okay?" _Thank god she's not wearing the dress, so I sound half-intelligent._

"Yes, yes, fine. Everything's fine," she trilled, all of the decorum from earlier gone at the sight of Kara in a crop top. She was wearing sweatpants herself, and sat on the edge of her desk, hiding the drawing.

Used to Lena's fidgeting—the dance had been an unexpected change that filled her with all-too-familiar feelings—Kara leaned against the door frame.

"You sure you're okay?" Her voice was laced with the ever-present concern she always had when she was with Lena. When other people, even Mike, sighed or looked away, Kara just waited for them to explain. With Lena, she always she wanted to know what was going through her mind.

"I'm fine," Lena said again, coming a little more undone. If Kara asked her again she might just show her the drawings, tell her everything and rip the band-aid off. Better than dragging out this friendship that Kara still thought was just that—a friendship. Better than the pain she would feel when Kara left her like everyone else did.

Lex always said _"The greater the trust, the greater the betrayal."_ Funny how his words had haunted her since then, and yet here she was, digging herself into a deeper hole every time she hung out with Kara. When—if ever—Kara found out about her true feelings, she would feel betrayed.

She really was turning into Lillian.

"I called dibs on driving you." Kara seemed helplessly oblivious to the effect she had on Lena and the brunette felt equal parts relieved and painfully disappointed at the same time. "Let's go. I gotta help Mike set up."

Mike's house was twenty minutes away and Lena listened to Kara singing along to the radio the whole way there.

"Mike's dad is an architect," Kara showed her around. "So half of this house was designed by Mike. Guess whose idea the basketball hoop was?"

There were a few people already milling about and now that they weren't alone the bizarre tension was gone from between them.

They were just really good friends enjoying each other's company. Which was so much worse for Lena.

_God dammit, Lena. Just be her friend. She just needs you to be her friend, you can do that, right? No matter how much it hurts you._

She couldn't box away the feeling that something big was going to happen. Like an impending storm, a cloud settled itself over her head.

"So." Kara clapped her hands together. "You and Thomas?"

Lena pulled the hem of her shirt down. "Yeah..." Kara had convinced her to wear a flirty Louis Vuitton top and black jeans and she worried it was riding up. She glanced around at the people starting to get drunk.

Lena could count on one finger the amount of proper teenage parties she'd been too. She and a friend—Eve—had stumbled into a club at 2 am, running from a Vogue event and had the time of their lives. And now here she was, at a proper rager. She knew she could hold her liquor but she didn't know if she wanted to, with Kara's history still fresh in her mind.

"Do you like him?" Kara was still trying to make conversation.

"About as much as I like tarantulas."

Her attempt at levity went over Kara's head completely.

"You like spiders?"

"No, Kara. I most definitely do not." Lena cracked a smile at Kara's expression and watched a boy do a shot in the corner. "Are you okay to be here?"

Kara gave her a curious look. "What do you mean? In Mike's house? I've been here before, you know."

"No, I meant around...drunks."

Kara swallowed and Lena did the only thing she could think of. She took Kara's hand, running her fingers over her palm in a comforting motion. It was something her birth mother used to do with her, one of the only things she remembered.

"I'm used to it," the blonde said, her voice neutral, eyes jumping down to their intertwined fingers. "I didn't like it at first, but Mike's a big partier so I...I'm used to it. There's a key bowl at the front and my friend Sean is always good at getting everyone's stuff labeled for the next day."

"Shots!" Someone yelled at the other side of the house, and Lena felt a spike of anger on Kara's behalf. How dare Mike treat her like that, without even asking her?

Then again, Mike didn't know everything.

* * *

Time passed quickly but Lena didn't leave Kara's side, their hands still laced together. Mike was hoisted up when the football team arrived and suddenly every single person she could see was either drunk or well on their way. More and more people kept showing up until it was apparent that half the school had heard about the party.

Dirty blonde hair cut across her view with no warning and Lena jerked back, pulling Kara with her. "Nathaniel?" Her voice cracked slightly and she felt Kara shift beside her.

"Hey, Lena!" He said enthusiastically, a dry smile on his lips. "Just wanted to let you know that you absolutely fucking _ruined _my life!"

"What are you talking about?" Kara's hand tightened around hers and she took a deep breath. She hadn't told her Nathaniel was the one that made her cry, but her friend wasn't stupid. She knew.

"_That asshole made you cry."_

"I got kicked out of Midvale!" He said it like it was a cheer but the grimace on his face told her otherwise. "Your mom made a few calls and now I'm getting shipped off to army camp in fucking North Carolina." His voice slurred and he swiped at her with a clumsy hand, hitting her shoulder.

Kara's warmth left her side and a second later she was shoving the drunk boy backwards, a fiercely protective look on her face. "You're way out of line, buddy."

Lena stayed frozen to the spot. Had her mother really done that? Did she find the connection between Nathaniel and Caitlin Miller?

"No, she's the one who's out of line, _buddy._" Nathaniel was sneering at the two of them and he brandished a glass of whiskey, spilling it over the sides. Kara wrinkled her nose at the smell and his demeanor but didn't get out of his way. "She hasn't told you, has she? She's the reason Cait is dead. She _killed _her."

"That's a little dramatic." Kara sounded remarkably nonchalant.

_She must think he's lying. That he's too drunk to be making any sense. But he's right, and I am a horrible person._

"I loved her!" Nathaniel confessed loudly. "She was my sister's best friend, she was hot, and smart, and I was in love with her."

Kara's expression softened slightly. "I'm sorry to hear that," she said, infinitely sympathetic at even the worst of times. "I understand the pain of losing someone you care about."

He ducked around her and got in Lena's face, making her flinch away. "You should just kill yourself. Maybe you picked up some tips from last time."

She swallowed, the words lost in her chest somewhere. What could she say to defend herself when he was right?

"Enough." Kara's voice cut through the noise of the room and she was pushing him back again. "Either find yourself a cab home or go crash in an empty room. You're done here."

With a final sneer, he turned on his heel and headed for the drinks table.

"Alcohol makes people so mean." Kara sounded child-like, her simple words stating the obvious. "Lena? Lena, where are you going?"

Lena was already walking away. Anger made her fingers move faster and her phone was ringing by the time she made it outside. She put it to her ear, not hearing Kara behind her.

"Hello?"

"Mother." Her voice was cold, impersonal. "What do you know about a boy named Nathaniel?"

"Nathaniel who, darling?"

That brought her up short. She didn't know his last name. "Nathaniel, the boy in love with Caitlin Miller."

"Ah, the pinprick. Don't worry, I took care of him for you."

"I didn't ask you to do that," Lena said coldly. She could see Kara watching her, the friendly face wrinkled with worry.

"You don't have to ask. It's what family does for each other."

"You've made it very clear you don't consider me _family._ You consider me an inconvenience. Stop meddling with my life, _mother._" She spat the last word out angrily, something twisting in her gut. Lillian always managed to get under her skin so well and it infuriated her.

"You forget," Lillian hissed, quick to anger. "If not for my _meddling,_ you'd be a corpse floating in the East River. So think about that next time you're running around with your little blonde friend." She hung up on Lena with a decisive _click._

The weight of what Lillian said hit her and she pinched the bridge of her nose, trying to soothe the tension headache she could feel building up. A warmth on her shoulder made her sigh, but she didn't move away, recognizing Kara's shampoo.

Kara didn't say anything for a while, leaning her head on Lena's shoulder. "You and your mom don't get along very well, huh?" She could smell Lena's expensive perfume—she had seen the Dior bottle in her room once and bought herself the same bottle to keep in her nightstand.

Lena shook her head. "I'm fine," she said in a guarded tone. Anger made her numb, calm, unfeeling. Someone walked out with a drinks tray and she grabbed one, pouring it down her throat without thinking.

For a second, all she felt was the burning in her mouth and the tears in her eyes. It made her forget that she had betrayed her brother, that she had killed a girl. Her legs moved automatically, carrying her inside where the rows and rows of little glasses were waiting, barely noticing Kara following her.

She downed another shot.

_Caitlin Miller._

And another.

_Lex._

Another.

_Lillian._

Another.

Swallowing the fifth, she waited for the alcohol to kick in. She knew what being drunk felt like—she had been tipsy at publicity events and Lex had stolen a bottle of Lillian's best scotch when she was only thirteen. They had giggled over it and sipped it until they couldn't see straight, and Lillian had locked them in separate rooms to dry out.

Kara watched her friend, anxiety growing in her stomach. She didn't mind that Lena was drinking, only what her motivations for doing so were. That, and the sheer amount of liquor she was taking in at an alarmingly fast pace. No one who was "fine" drank like that. Her arm hovered inches away from Lena's back but her friend wasn't even looking at her, just kept drinking like she was trying to poison her liver in one short night.

"Lena?"

She flinched at her name and threw back another, her sharp jawline moving as she swallowed. "I said I'm fine." Her voice was brusque and she looked angry.

Biting her lip, Kara touched her arm tentatively. Lena had never been like this with her; closed off, angry, jumping at even the sound of her name. "Lena, please look at me."

Lena's unseeing gaze wandered the room, landing on Kara.

"What do you need?" The blonde's voice ached with concern.

Lena blew out a breath, snapping out of a reverie of anger. "I need to forget," she said shortly, bitterly. "I need to forget what a horrible person I am, at least for a night."

"You are not a horrible person."

Kara, always trying to convince her she was worth more than she was. Kara, clueless about how despicable Lena really was inside.

"You've been through something. Something bad. Just like me. I could tell on the first day. But you can't let your mother define you, or your brother, or anyone else—"

"Just—stop." Lena waved an uncoordinated hand. She wasn't as drunk as she'd liked to have been by now and she stole a drink out of someone's hand. The boy opened his mouth to argue but upon seeing Lena, then Kara, thought better of it and left.

"I killed someone." Even in the midst of the party, Lena knew Kara could hear her.

Kara's eyes widened in a way that would have been funny if Lena was joking. Had she witnessed a murder? "Lena, you're not thinking clearly. I'm sure whatever it was, it—"

"No, I did it! Kara. I...did it." Somewhere in the middle of Kara's defending her, she stumbled, the walls blurring together.

Kara caught her, suddenly very conscious of Lena's body in her arms. Lena was looking up at her, green eyes focusing and unfocusing every few seconds, and her heart contracted with worry and something she didn't want to name. "Did what?"

"I was just trying to do the right thing." A notable slur slipped into her words—when had that gotten there? "Just once, just one thing that was good. And I killed that girl." She nuzzled into Kara's neck and the blonde shivered at the contact.

If only Lena knew what she was doing to her...

"Lena, it wasn't your fault." Kara had no idea what was going on but she hated seeing her friend like this. "Anyone who knows you knows that you would never—"

"I know you believe that everything is good, and kind, and that...is one of the things I love about you," Lena said, her lips brushing against Kara's neck. Her self-control had gone out the window with that first shot and she could smell Kara's skin, all vanilla and warm, and feel her pulse pounding in her neck. Why it was pounding so hard, Lena didn't know, but she tried to lose herself in the feeling of Kara's arms around her, knowing it couldn't last.

_When she finds out, she's going to hate me,_ she thought with a sense of despair.

"What's going on, Lena?" Kara didn't sound accusing, just curious and definitely upset. Upset at her?

"Please, just stop—stop believing in me, okay? I am...not worth it."

Wrenching herself out of Kara's grasp, she made her way back to the drinks.

"Lena!" Thomas practically roared by her ear. "Come do a shot with me!"

She smiled at him and he was too drunk to notice the tears in her eyes. They did another two, and then she was on him, her fingers in his hair and his hands on her hips. They were sloppy, drunk kisses that didn't count and her eyes were open the whole time.

Jealousy sparked in Kara and she caught up with them, pulling them apart. "Drink some water, Thomas," she said to the boy in a motherly tone. "And you're staying the night."

"Okay!" He gave her a thumbs up and turned around, getting lost in the crowd.

"You're always so nice." Lena twisted into Kara's body, not caring that her shirt was falling off her shoulder. Finding solace in Kara's chest, she rested her head below her collarbones and sighed.

Lena's breath sent a shiver down her body but Kara didn't say anything, just fixed her shirt for her. "Maybe you should slow down," Kara said with a terse smile. Lena glanced up and she bit back an inappropriate comment.

Even drunk, Lena was breathtaking. The drinks took the edge off, her body was less tightly wound than Kara had grown accustomed to. It would have been a nice change if not for the look in her eyes.

They were hazy and shiny with tears, and Kara saw Lena's reflection of herself in the green and gold.

She knew Lena fought with herself on a daily basis, about what, she was determined to find out and nullify. There was always a self-deprecating air to her answers, always something bitter about her countenance when people tried asking her about her personal life. Without the smoke screen in place, it was a lot more noticeable, though Kara suspected someone less close to Lena would've misinterpreted it.

_She can't hate herself that much._

All Kara wanted was to make that look go away.

"I shouldn't be here." Lena stumbled and Kara sat her down in an empty spot on the couch, worry pinching her face.

"You didn't eat anything before," the blonde fussed, straightening Lena's shirt again. It seemed determined to keep slipping down and make Kara blush, and Kara swallowed, doing up a few more buttons. The other girl stared at the floor.

"I shouldn't be here," Lena said again.

Kara peered at her. "Do you want to leave? I'll take you—"

"Babe!" A rough hand was on her arm and then Mike was pulling her away, shouting in her ear. "I was telling Ron about my pass earlier. You saw it, right?" He reeked of beer and she tried to squirm away when he planted a wet kiss on her cheek.

"Yeah, forty yards!" she said with fake enthusiasm.

"More like fifty!" When she glanced back at Lena, her friend was sitting in someone's lap and swaying, and their faces were definitely too close—

"Mike, I have to go."

"And it's all because my girl was cheering me on from the stands!" Mike completely ignored her, his arm tightening on her. She resigned herself to finishing the conversation quickly.

Ten minutes later they had migrated to the kitchen and Ron had heard the same story three times, nodding vigorously each time Mike got to the punch line—_"Fifty yards!"_— and then immediately asking Mike for another drink.

"Babe, I'm going to buy more ice," Kara said, giving him a halfhearted hug.

"Sure. Love you!"

Kara didn't say anything, just nodded and left his side as fast as she could, weaving in and out of the crowd until she reached the couch.

"Lena?"

She couldn't see her friend anywhere and tried to quell the sudden panic that threatened to take over her chest.

"Lena!"

Scanning the room, she started asking people if they'd seen her. No one had. No one knew where she'd gone, most people didn't even know her name—they just knew her as Kara's shadow.

"I saw her."

Kara whipped around. "Elizabeth. Where? Where was she?"

Her grey eyes glinting maliciously, Elizabeth pondered for a moment. "What's it to you?"

"Elizabeth, this isn't funny. I'm worried."

"You don't seem worried about Mike, and he's throwing up in the corner."

Following her accusing finger, Kara saw that he was indeed, heaving over an empty chip bowl. "He's fine," she said tersely. "Where did she go?"

"You'll owe me," Elizabeth smirked. She was drunk, and not getting tipped off by Kara's angry stance.

"Just spit it out."

Enjoying her power play, Elizabeth tried to drag it out. She put a hand on Kara's arm like they were friends and leaned in. "What do I get in return for telling you where the brat went?"

Kara snapped.

One second Elizabeth was talking under her breath, the next she was pinned against the wall, her face a mask of fear and grim satisfaction.

"Stop fucking around and _tell me,_" Kara growled.

Getting over her shock, Elizabeth pointed behind her. "There are ten phones filming this right now," she said snarkily. "You can't do anything. I'll report you."

"The beer bottle in your hand is enough to get you thrown out, so don't try me," Kara said, her voice low. Realizing what she'd done, she took a step back and all the anger drained out of her.

_It's not her I'm mad at._

"Just tell me, Elizabeth," she said in a resigned voice. She was about to go ask someone else when the girl held her hands up.

"I saw her grab a bottle of scotch and walk out the door. That's all."

"And you didn't think to follow her? Make sure she was okay?" Kara said incredulously.

Elizabeth sneered at her as the group around them dispersed. "Why? Isn't that your job? Chase after her like a lovesick puppy knowing you can never be with her?" Her teasing hit the nail on the head.

Kara hesitated for a moment. Emotion warred on her face and she was visibly holding herself back.

"Babe, where you going?"

Mike's question jolted her out of the oncoming anxiety and she let him hug her, pressing her cheek to his sternum.

Mike. He grounded her, reminded her that she could soldier on through life's challenges.

Lena made her feel invincible, like no challenge was insurmountable with her friend at her side. It was jumping off a cliff, or driving with the roof open and the windows down. It was uncertainty and excitement.

With a heavy heart, Kara fell back into the safe normalcy of Mike's arms around her.


	8. I Think I Like You, So Why Am I Afraid

Lena stumbled down the street, taking a swig from the rapidly-emptying bottle. She could still taste the last boy—Bradley something—on her lips and she was trying to burn him away. She needed to put a block or two between her and Kara but the distance did nothing to keep the blonde out of her head.

The vanilla smell that hung around her wasn't helping either, the summer night air doing nothing to dispel it. It made it into a cocoon, a lingering smell that wrapped its tendrils around her and permeated her brain.

Kara had looked at her so earnestly that Lena thought her heart was going to explode. What if she just leaned forward those last few inches, and closed her eyes and—

She landed heavily on her hands and knees, the bottle smashing against the ground. Gravel bit into her skin and she looked up through the fog of booze at the curb she had just tripped over.

_Shit._

For a minute she didn't move. She didn't recognize the street she was on and couldn't see any landmarks in the dark. She stood up, gingerly brushing her hands on her pants; her jeans had saved her knees from the cement but her hands weren't as lucky. Little beads of blood were forming and she winced as the rough fabric scraped her raw flesh.

Headlights flooded the road in front of her and she turned. She couldn't make out the face of the driver but the car slowed and the door opened.

"Lena?"

Squinting into the lights, Lena tried to pinpoint the voice. Crickets chirped nearby and she blinked as though it would help her identify the car.

"What are you doing out here? Aren't you supposed to be at Mike's?"

Alex.

Feeling stupid and slow from all the scotch, Lena raised a hand in greeting. A crunch of gravel and a few seconds later, Alex was at her side, worry on her face.

"Jesus, Lena, what happened?" She flattened the injured hand and inspected it. "It's not deep, but we need to get it cleaned up."

"Blame your sister," Lena said thickly, her eyes half-closed.

"Kara?"

Lena lets out a humorless laugh. "Do you have another hot sister?" She met the older woman's gaze defiantly.

Alex's bewildered expression looked back at her. "Are you saying Kara did this to you?" She sounded like she didn't believe the words coming out of her mouth.

Lena shook her head and the whole world spun. "No." Alex's hand caught her elbow and she frowned, her head already starting to throb. "I left the party because of her and then I fell."

Alex's brow furrowed and she led the girl over to her car. "Why'd you leave?"

"I don't know," Lena said truthfully. "Maybe because I can't stand being close to her."

Making sure her seat belt was on, Alex closed the door. "You know," she said with an undertone Lena was too drunk to place, "She dragged me out of bed to come find you."

Dull green eyes squinted at her, a sliver of hope shining through. "She did?"

"Yeah, she did. She was worried you would get lost and wanted to make sure you weren't walking around drunk. Good thing, too." She started to drive, casting long looks in Lena's direction as she navigated the familiar streets.

"I don't deserve that," Lena said emphatically. "She's too good for me." She wondered why Kara hadn't come after her herself, then forced the idea from her mind. It wasn't Kara's job to watch after her, she should be able to handle herself.

"What are you talking about? She loves you, you're her best friend. She never stops talking about you."

The rest of the drive was a drunken blur. Somehow they were inside and Alex was cleaning her hands, white bandages covering the angry-looking skin, and the roar of the sink was filling a glass of water.

"Drink this," Alex commanded.

"I'm already drunk." Lena tried to prop herself up on the kitchen counter and failed, hitting her knuckles on the marble.

"It's water." When Lena just stared at the glass, Alex sighed and pressed it into her hand, busying herself with cleaning up the cluttered counters. After a long minute, Lena lifted it to her lips with a shaking hand and took a slow sip, heedless of the bloody hand print she left on the side.

"I'm no good for your sister," she said out of nowhere.

Alex said nothing, just refilled the water.

"She's like...she's like the sun. And I'm not," Lena finished with a frown. "I'm a black hole. They don't even let light out."

Guiding her up the stairs, Alex tried to remember her high school science courses. "They're vacuums, right? Vacuums so strong that light doesn't escape?"

"Yeah," Lena said bleakly, falling onto Kara's bed. She didn't seem aware of the fact she was in Kara's house and Alex raised her eyebrow at the way she clutched Kara's pillow to her chest.

"Maybe that's not such a bad thing. To be that strong."

With a deep sigh, Lena rolled over. "I'm not strong. I'm weak. Worthless."

Alex digested that and knelt by the bed. "Do you need anything else?" she asked with concern. She had never taken care of Kara drunk—her sister didn't drink—but she knew what to do. She had done pub crawls in California and was no stranger to the reckless insistence of drunks, especially when the drunk was a girl seething with self-hatred.

"I need a lot of things," Lena answered cryptically, pulling her bra off and tossing it on the floor. "Smells like Kara," she mumbled, settling into the mattress.

Pursing her lips, Alex pulled the quilt up Lena's body, brushing her hair back.

_I wonder if she knows yet. That she's in love with her._

* * *

"No. No, please!"

Familiar with Kara's childhood nightmares, Alex was up in a heartbeat and stumbling across the room. Blinking sleep out of her eyes she flicked the bedside lamp on. "Kara, it's okay."

It wasn't her sister's blonde hair fanned out across the pillow.

_Lena._

The girl was twisted in Kara's sheets, knuckles white against the blue bed spread. Her eyebrows were furrowed together even in sleep and her eyelids were fluttering.

"Lena, wake up."

"I didn't mean to," the sleeping girl muttered hoarsely. "I didn't mean to kill you."

A pause, her arm jerking to the side and hitting the bed.

"I don't want to be alive anymore."

Icy shock shot thought Alex's veins and she shook her awake. "Lena. Lena, you're dreaming."

Lena shot up with a gasp, her flailing arms trapped in Alex's steel grip. Alex didn't miss the blind panic in her eyes and tried to calm her down, the mattress sagging under her as she sat down.

"Hey, hey. You're okay, everything is okay." Lena didn't hear her; her breathing was shaky and rasped against her throat. Wrapping her arms around the younger girl like she used to do with Kara, Alex kept murmuring comforting things in her ear.

Slowly, steadily, she coaxed Lena back to consciousness. She knew the moment it happened because Lena's face flushed with embarrassment.

"Alex?" she said timidly.

"Shh, it's okay. Go back to sleep."

"What happened?" She hugged her arms to her stomach. "Where am I?"

Sensing her withdrawing, Alex backed off. "You're at my house. You had a bad dream. Do you remember it?"

Lena shuddered, rubbing her forehead with an uncoordinated hand. "No," she said unconvincingly, staring resolutely at the wall. She still felt drunk and she hoped if she went back to sleep she would wake up in her dorm room.

Not sure what else to say, Alex got back into bed. "I'm here if you want to talk," she said as Lena switched off the lamp.

Lena didn't respond, just waited for Alex's breathing to deepen and even out. When she was sure she was asleep, she slid her legs over the side of the bed and put her head in her hands.

_How did I get into this mess?_

She couldn't believe she was sleeping—in Kara's bed, of all places! It was filling her with anxiety and a deep-rooted thrill that made her body hum with electricity.

There was no way she was getting any more sleep.

Feeling like she was committing a crime, she crept over to the dresser drawer and inched it open. Rooting around in the dark, she pulled out a tee shirt—she knew she'd picked the right dresser when it smelled like vanilla. Shucking her own designer blouse off, she pulled Kara's over her head before she could change her mind, touching a finger to the fabric.

How was it possible that it felt softer just because it was Kara's?

She was tempted to go downstairs—after all, she was a creature of the night—but stopped herself, climbing back into Kara's bed. It was like a bizarre fever dream, her being slightly drunk in Kara's house and sleeping in her bed.

Against her better judgment she opened Kara's nightstand, curiosity eating her alive. Using the light of her phone's lock screen (a selfie that Kara had insisted they take) her groping fingers hit a familiar feeling glass bottle.

_She has the same perfume as me?_

Moving towards the back of the drawer, she found a small pile of photographs.

_Must be important for her to hide them like this. Then again, how many people snoop through her things?_

Lena squinted at the first one. They were film photos, black and white, and as she made out the image her heart stopped.

It was a picture of _her._ Her hair was messy and she was wearing sunglasses, sitting with her legs folded under her and her nose buried in a book. The title of the book read _Ship of Magic_ and her brow furrowed. She had just started that a few days ago.

The next photo was also of her, sitting in the grass, tucking her hair behind her ear.

Then her putting her hair up.

Another one, but this time she was laughing at someone outside the frame.

Her teaching Thomas how to use chopsticks.

Playing the piano, her eyes closed in concentration, fingers blurring in the long shutter speed.

Leaning against Kara's backpack reading _The Count of Monte Cristo._

In her homecoming dress, a glass of cider in her hand and a borderline haughty expression on her face because of the setting.

The photos chronicled their friendship almost completely from the start, and her breath caught when she reached the final, earliest photograph. The edges were worn down and cat-cornered, like it had been shoved into too small a space a few too many times.

Lena, standing outside her dorm in the outfit from the first day, waiting for Kara to pick her up and go to the diner.

It was taken from farther away and had an almost wistful tone to it. She stared at it for so long that her phone dimmed and her eyes adjusted in the moonlight, making out her own silhouette in the dim, silver shine coming through the window. She shuffled them back into a pile, placing them carefully at the back of the drawer with the exception of the last one. Her heart was pounding in her chest as she forced herself to lie down, her mind abuzz with questions, her hand clutching the photograph underneath the pillow.

_She's been taking photos of me since the beginning._

_What does that mean?_

It paralleled her collection of drawings so closely that she found herself wishing Kara was there with her. Maybe even in the bed next to her.

Dismissing the thoughts as drunken rambling, she rolled over and stared at the ceiling. She definitely wouldn't get to sleep now, not with all these ideas and dreams running through her mind like squirrels on crack. Not with the possibility that Kara might—might what? Might have the same feelings?

And what, exactly, would those feelings be?

* * *

Lena woke up to a harsh ray of sunlight in her face. Her head throbbed in unison with her heartbeat and her mouth tasted like something had died in it. With a groan, she squeezed her eyes shut and rolled over, trying to cling to the fraying ends of her dream.

In her dream, Kara was lying behind her and her arm was draped over Lena's body. She was wearing close to nothing—a sports bra and boxer briefs—and breathing into the back of Lena's neck, her lips pressed against the skin there like it was the most normal thing in the world.

As it faded away, she realized that the smell of the dream was just as strong, and her eyes snapped open to stare at the wall.

Maybe it had all been a drunken fantasy. Maybe if she closed her eyes again—

The photograph in her hand told her it wasn't a dream. She was lying in Kara's bed, inexplicably wearing Kara's shirt, and with clear evidence of having gone through her things.

A glance across the room told her Alex had already left, but she felt intensely on edge—a feeling that only tripled when she recognized Kara's humming coming down the hall. A soft knock at the door had her closing her eyes and slowing her breathing; she didn't want to face Kara like this. She couldn't.

"Lena?" Kara's chipper voice was quiet and the door creaked open. There was a pause and the snap of a glasses case and Lena imagined her taking out her glasses, sliding the black frames up her nose. "Just gotta grab some clothes," Kara said, half to herself.

There was an unmistakable rustling and the sound of fabric hitting the floor. Lena's heart sped up but she kept her eyes shut, counting the seconds on her watch. She almost squeaked in surprise when the bed sagged, Kara's warmth radiating off her body and through the blankets.

Kara watched her friend sleep for a moment. Lena's always-perfect eyebrows were knit together and something came over her as she smoothed the crinkle they formed with a gentle thumb.

Lena shifted in her sleep and Kara froze, her heart beating in double time. She was in a mildly compromising position and was coming up with an excuse—_you had something on your face, I was just brushing it off—_when Lena sighed and settled back down.

Her fake sleeping must have been better than she thought because a second later Kara's hand was brushing her hair back and lingering on her cheek.

"I'm so sorry, I should've followed you. I was really worried about you."

She was apologizing.

_To me?_

She kept her breathing even, wanting to hear the rest. Kara took a small breath, her hand leaving Lena's face.

"I don't pretend to know what's going on in your head, but I don't think you like Thomas. You shouldn't lead him on. It's not fair."

Kara's voice was soft but her tone was accusing and Lena felt a prickle of guilt start in her stomach. Kara had been friends with Thomas a lot longer than her, of course she would defend him and not want to see him—

"It's not fair to you," the blonde continued, surprising her. "I know you. You have a penchant for self-hatred. Making out with all those guys at the party had less to do with them and more to do with your image of yourself. You're punishing yourself, and I'm not sure what for but I hate seeing it."

Kara put her hand on Lena's torso and kissed her shoulder. It was meant to be a friendly gesture but Lena's skin was slightly salty from the night before and she smelled like perfume and alcohol.

Feeling Kara's breath on her bare skin sent goosebumps up her arms and she couldn't stop a quiet moan from escaping her lips. Kara sprung back, busying herself with her dresser.

Lena gave her ample time, slowly stretching and rubbing at her eyes like she had just woken up. "Kara?" Her voice sounded sufficiently sleepy and she ignored the twinge in her chest when the blonde turned, a nervous smile plastered on her face.

"Hey, you're awake!" she said in an unnaturally high voice. "Eliza's making pancakes, do you want some?"

Still reeling from the sensation of Kara's lips on her shoulder, Lena blinked and tried for surprise.

"What are you doing here?"

A chuckle burst out of Kara and her smile softened into something more genuine. "This is my room?"

_Not that surprised._

Shielding her eyes from the sun, she stifled a yawn. "I'm so sorry," she got out, thinking back to last night. She lurched out of the bed on unsteady legs and Kara caught her. The rock-hard muscles of Kara's forearm did little to steady her and she clung to her like she was a life raft.

"It's fine, Lena. I'm glad Alex found you." Kara's fingers were splayed against her ribs and burning through the cotton shirt. "Are your hands okay?" she said with a concerned look at the bandages.

Lena ignored her question. Something was rearing up inside her, pulling at the edges and spilling over, and she knew she couldn't control it for much longer.

"Are you still drunk?" Kara tried another question.

Her breath smelled like mint and chocolate and at this overwhelming sensory input, Lena tilted her head towards Kara's subconsciously.

Kara swallowed, her throat tight. Lena's green eyes were dark and hooded with something close to desire and a loss of control and—maybe it was just the alcohol.

"I'm not drunk," Lena breathed, watching the pulse pounding in Kara's neck. "I'm Irish. We digest liquor faster than most people digest potatoes."

Kara trilled out a laugh at that, using it as an excuse to break away, but Lena hooked an arm around her waist and her laughter cut off abruptly as they stood face-to-face.

"Lena, what are you—"

"I really like you," Lena blurted out, then froze as the burn of embarrassment started somewhere in her stomach.

"I—what?" Kara looked at her like she'd grown a second head. Her eyes had widened, the pupils shrinking in surprise.

Someone else had taken over Lena's body because her mouth was opening and she was talking again. "I like you. I think. I don't know, it's all so confusing but ever since your sister told me about that girl you kissed, Veronica, I can't help but think—" She snapped her mouth shut at the look on Kara's face, shame flooding her from head to toe.

The blonde looked crestfallen. If Lena didn't know any better she would have said heartbroken, but she did know better and had already hardened her heart against the response. It still hurt to hear.

"Lena, I can't," Kara said haltingly. "Veronica was—a mistake. It's not fair to Mike, and it's not fair to you either."

Kara's imploring gaze was making the situation so much worse. Lena pushed her away hard enough that Kara stumbled into her bed, cursing the day she met Kara Danvers. Her life would've been a lot less conflicted without her perfect hair and perfect smile.

Her life would have been a lot darker, too.

She did what she was best at, what felt natural to her. She deflected.

With her eyes glued to a spot behind Kara's shoulder, she clenched her jaw. "Forget I said anything."

"Lena—"

A quick step and a creak of the door and Lena was outside Kara's bedroom, downstairs before Kara got out another word. She was standing by the door, her bare feet cold against the floor, and debating what to do next when Eliza's voice rang down the hall.

"Kara, is that you? Is Lena staying for breakfast?"

_Oh, god. Eliza._

What would Kara's mother think of her now? The girl who ran out of her house and then spent the night because she was too drunk to see straight?

Bracing herself for a verbal thrashing, she padded her way to the kitchen.

"Hi, dear. Is Lena hungry?" Eliza didn't look up from the mixing bowl, her arm moving in smooth, even strokes.

Briefly, Lena wondered what she would do if Eliza flung the whisk at her.

When she was met with silence, Kara's mother looked up, only half surprised to see the quiet girl pressed against the door frame. "Good morning, Lena." Her smile was warm and inviting but Lena stayed out of the kitchen, her eyes darting to the door.

"Hi," she said in a small voice. "Thanks for letting me stay, but I should get going."

Eliza pulled her apron off and approached her with a glass of orange juice. She moved slowly, like she was walking towards a cornered animal. "I've already made pancakes," she said with another smile. "And I want to take a look at your hands. Alex said you fell down."

Taking the glass, Lena sat down at the counter. "I'm not really hungry," she started lamely, "And I don't want to impose."

"You're not imposing, darling. Where's Kara? She always likes to lick the batter off the whisk."

Once, when Lena was 6 she had licked a spoon used to make brownies. Her mother hadn't let her forget it, and now she had a scar by her right eye as a permanent reminder.

"I think she's changing," Lena said timidly. The orange juice washed the bad taste out of her mouth and she sat up, her back ramrod straight. It took a lot of willpower to keep her eyes from flickering to the stairs but she managed it. Forcing her chaotic thoughts in line, she offered Eliza prim answers to her questions, dreading the moment Kara came downstairs.

* * *

Still standing where Lena had left her, Kara's hands grasped empty air.

She couldn't deny the compulsion she'd had to kiss her friend. She thought staying at Mike's for the night would have washed out that line of thinking but if anything, it seemed to have made it worse. After spending all night comparing her drunk, crass boyfriend to the enigma that was Lena Luthor, Kara had driven back home determined to catch her before she went back to school.

And then Lena had gone and said _all that._

It was almost enough to make her repressed feelings break the chains holding them in. She knew from Lena's face and the harsh tone of her _"Forget I said anything"_ that she had resolutely crushed her feelings. The work she had spent the last month on breaking Lena's walls down had been undone the second she rebuffed her.

Sinking onto the bed, Kara fluffed up her pillow. A paper fell to the floor and as she bent down to pick it up, she recognized the photograph.

It was the first picture of Lena she had ever taken. The one that had made her cut across campus and send Thomas to bring her to the diner.

Hopefully Lena hadn't seen it. Hopefully she was too drunk to put the pieces together and realize Kara slept with a photograph of her underneath her pillow. She thought she'd put it away, but she must have forgotten to. Guilt made her hastily slide it back in the drawer, wiping her hands off on her pants.

_Best not to dwell on it. She would've said something._

When she joined Lena and Eliza for breakfast, she was overcome by how natural it all felt. Lena sitting next to her, her hair still messy from sleep, adorable sleepy dust in the corners of her eyes. The way Lena was holding herself wasn't lost on Kara and when she asked if she needed a ride back to school, she wasn't surprised by her polite refusal. The brunette had shored her walls back up.

"Cabs can be expensive," Kara quipped, pouring syrup on her tenth pancake.

Lena blushed and mumbled something about money that neither of them heard, and Kara didn't push it.

When they finished, Lena insisted on clearing the table and started washing the dishes, desperate to avoid conversation. Kara got up to help and Eliza watched them with a quiet smile; every time Lena moved Kara moved with her without noticing it.

"If you're going to do the dishes then you're welcome any time," the older woman commented.

Lena shrugged. "It's the least I could do," she said humbly. "You've been so nice and understanding and you barely know me.

Eliza smiled knowingly. "I'm a mother. It's my job to be understanding."

Not sure what to say to that, Lena scrubbed a little too hard at a clean plate. In her experience, mothers weren't understanding. They existed only to disappoint, to prove that you had failed yet again.

The moment was broken by Kara dropping her fork into the sink with a loud clatter, making Lena jump.

"I, for one, am thankful because dishes are my chore. Hang on, you have an eyelash." Seeing Lena's hands submerged in soapy water, she licked a finger and pressed it under her eye.

Lena held perfectly still, not missing the tingling that radiated out from the point of contact. Kara looked equally affected, her pupils dark and blown out, and Lena stammered out a "thanks" before hastily finishing the dishes. She was gone before Kara had the chance to say anything and missed the look Eliza shot her daughter.

* * *

Neither of them mentioned the exchange for the next couple weeks. Life went on, except for the fact that Lena's every waking moment was consumed with thoughts of Kara Danvers. When she went to sleep at night, she imagined Kara doing the same thing, lying down in the bed she had spent one perfect-smelling night in.

The other girl's demeanor changed slightly but Lena was so attuned to her mannerisms that if felt like a personality overhaul to her.

Before, when they would go out or do a photo shoot, Kara was friendly. She would try to sit next to Lena and she would direct the photos and let her do her own thing.

Now, Kara insisted that Lena sit next to her. She asked for Lena's input on the photographs and had started asking to take photos of Lena with no actual project in mind. Her hands would linger on Lena's arm or shoulder for longer than necessary. She was flirty with her texts and one-liners, and it was slowly driving Lena insane.

But she was handling it.

Until one day, she wasn't.

"Hey, can you do me a huge favor?" Kara caught her at the end of the day. People were less wary of Lena and a few even smiled at her when she passed them in the halls, though she suspected that had more to do with her relationship to Kara than her own popularity.

The bad habit of agreeing with Kara without thinking hadn't changed. "Anything."

"Well, I have a long block off today and I didn't get much sleep last night," Kara said, not meeting her eyes. She hadn't gotten any sleep because after staying up to text Lena until 2 am, she'd scrolled back and reread their entire conversation, trying not to read too much into the exchange and failing.

"You can use my bed," Lena said immediately. The idea of Kara sleeping in her bed made her feel strangely special and she clamped down on the enthusiasm. "If you want," she added, trying to keep her voice casual.

"Bangarang! I'll be in and out, I swear. You won't even know I was there." Kara's smile was as bright as the sun and Lena smiled back.

An hour later as she was emerging from her one-on-one maths class, she checked her schedule and groaned.

_You absolute fucking idiot._

The only reason Kara had a long block off was because Rojas had canceled class for the day. They had the same long block.

The guilty grin Kara had on when she met Lena at the door to Potter told her the blonde had realized the same thing.

"Whoops," she said sheepishly.

"You can still take a nap if you want," Lena offered, trying to keep the note of eagerness out of her voice.

Kara smiled gratefully. "Mike is being a real ass."

Lena arched an eyebrow as she unlocked her door. "Trouble in paradise?"

"Not actually. He's planning a surprise birthday party for me and he won't let me hang out with him while he does it but he knows I know what he's doing, so..." Kara left her bags by the door and kicked her shoes off, then stood in the center of the room and inspected the walls again. "Still have 2 photos up, I see."

"Still wearing my shirt, I see," Lena fired back. The strange disappointment she felt at Kara's correction only troubled her for a second before another thought hit her. "When's your birthday?"

"You don't know when my birthday is?" Kara still hadn't made a move towards the bed and she put her hands on her hips. "I know when your birthday is, I can't believe you don't know mine."

"You know when my birthday is?" The shock in her voice was unmistakable and Kara winked at her.

"October 24th."

"How?" Lena sputtered, honestly at a loss for words. She had celebrated her birthday so few times that even she sometimes forgot about it.

"I'm a woman of many talents. Plus, it's a week after my birthday." Kara's cheeky grin morphed into a yawn and Lena melted at the way her eyes scrunched up, one hand coming up to cover her mouth.

Pushing Kara to the bed and making sure her hands didn't touch her a second longer than necessary, Lena ignored Kara's apologies. "I have some reading to catch up on. Take a nap, I'll wake you up for the next class."

"I don't want to ruin your shirt though, hang on." In the middle of Lena's almost panicked objections, _"it's fine, it's just a shirt,"_ Kara unbuttoned it and draped it over the foot of the bed. She heard Lena make a quiet choking noise behind her and glanced back. Secretly pleased at the look on Lena's face, she pulled back the covers to reveal Lena's sheets.

"God, you're such a nerd," she snorted, lying down, trying to pretend like she didn't feel the same way. Like she didn't think about that first photo shoot when she had peeked at Lena changing.

"What's that mean?" Lena said in a strangled voice.

Kara was already closing her eyes. "Your sheets have Lewis dot structures on them. It's adorable."

"Your sheets have ice cream all over them," Lena fired back, "Which is just as _adorable._"

"Shhh," Kara mumbled into the pillow. "I'm not adorable. I'm a lean, mean, fightin' machine."

Rolling her eyes, Lena sat down at her desk. Every part of her was tense, like she was under a microscope and constantly being watched. She didn't know how to act around Kara, and was relieved when her breathing deepened. Opening _The Complete Adventures of Sherlock Holmes_ to a random page, she tried to distract herself from the sounds of Kara sleeping.

It turned out to be impossible. Kara was making the cutest snuffling sounds and occasionally murmured in her sleep, and Lena found herself rereading the same sentence for the fifth time before giving in.

Carefully opening her drawer, she took out a tin of pencils and opened her sketchbook to a blank page. Sitting with her back to her dresser and the sketchbook on her knees, she stared across the room at Kara's sleeping form, her hand starting to draw as her eyes drank in every detail.

Without glasses, Kara somehow looked younger and older at the same time. The curve of her jaw captured Lena's attention and she forced herself to say seated. Her hair was perfect even as she slept and she looked peaceful—usually Kara had an almost forceful enthusiasm to her. Wrenching her eyes away from Kara's face, Lena trailed them down her body. Halfway through her dream Kara rolled over and pushed the blanket away, and it was a true testament to Lena's willpower that she didn't immediately fix her eyes on Kara's exposed stomach.

What a terrible idea. Letting Kara sleep in her bed? Where the hell did that come from?

She knew where it came from. It wasn't like Kara was lacking in friends, or had never taken a nap in the hallways of the stud. But she had asked her, right? Which meant that she preferred Lena's bed.

_Yeah, preferred it to a wooden bench. Stop thinking like this._

When the next class rolled around she shook Kara lightly and the blonde groaned.

"Five more minutes."

"We have AP World." Lena hid her sketchbook away before Kara woke up, stretching her well-muscled body out along Lena's mattress.

"We could skip it," she mumbled, already sitting up. "Wow, I really needed that."

"You also need to put on a shirt," Lena said pointedly, loving the notes of sleep in Kara's voice. "Want to borrow another one?"

Kara rubbed at her eyes. "I wore your shirt to school because I needed to return it. Wouldn't that defeat the purpose of my good deed?"

Lena waved a hand at her, gathering her own books. "What's mine is yours and all that. Take a look in the closet." A second later she realized her mistake because Kara was commenting on her wardrobe.

"Jesus, Lee. You have a billion dollars worth of clothes in here."

_Lillian was never one to dress her children in casual clothes._

"Maybe I'll stick with this one." Kara pulled out a striped blue shirt and Lena watched appreciatively as she did up the buttons, her capable fingers moving too quickly for Lena's liking. In no time at all she was dressed and tucking in her shirt, her bag over her shoulder.

She looked even more attractive in the dress shirt than she had with no shirt on and Lena smiled at her through clenched teeth, locking the door behind them.

"You okay?" Kara asked, seeing the tendons in her jaw jump out.

"Just...thinking," Lena said vaguely. "Maybe I'll help Mike with the surprise party," she said, more to throw Kara off her trail than out of interest in working with the football player.

"Oh, god, no." Kara linked their arms and Lena let her pull her outside, reveling in the close proximity. "I hate surprise parties. That's why he told me about it when he started, but I still go along with it."

"Don't want to hurt his feelings?" Lena asked in a neutral tone. _Why does she let him get away with all this bullshit?_

"Something like that," Kara answered, not meeting her eyes.

"What about my feelings?"

Kara's eyes widened and she pulled them to a stop. "Lena," she started in a warning tone.

Lena slipped her arm out of Kara's, swallowing at the look of apprehension on her friend's face. "I don't mean it like that, I just—I want you to be happy. And if that's with Mike, then fine, I'll never bring it up again. But look me in the eye and tell me you're happy with him. That you don't mind the drinking and the parties and the fact that he ignores your opinion most of the time." Her words were stilted, rushed, and her hands fidgeted nervously with her backpack strap.

The silence went on too long before Kara answered her in a voice that screamed of doubt.

"We're happy."

_I'm not asking about the both of you. I'm asking about you, Kara, the girl that I_—

Lena swallowed and broke the eye contact. Staring too hard at her watch, she cleared her throat.

"Okay. I forgot something in my room, so I have to run and get it..."

"Lena," Kara implored.

Lena dragged her eyes back up to Kara's face. "No, really, I...I'll see you." She turned on her heel and walked away, trying to ignore the second sting of rejection.

_Love makes you say stupid, stupid things._

Kara wasn't surprised when Lena never showed up for AP world.


	9. I Think I'm In Love With You

After an agonizingly long week of avoiding Kara, Lena arrived at the dining hall early, frustrated at the way her heart stuttered when she recognized the blonde ponytail sitting at an empty table.

"Hey," she said in a causal voice, setting her bowl down.

"Hey!" Kara looked thrilled to see her and stood up to give her a hug. "You're coming to the party, right?"

"Dunno." Shuffling into her seat, Lena shot a look to the next table over. Elizabeth was sitting with her friends and raised her eyebrows at Lena but didn't say anything.

"Don't mind her," Kara said, waving. To Lena's shock, Elizabeth waved back and Kara lowered her voice. "She's been a lot more bearable ever since I pinned her to a wall at Mike's house."

"Ever since you—what?" Lena almost choked on her cereal.

"Not in a sexy way," Kara explained quickly, patting her on the back. "In a, she wouldn't tell me where you'd gone and I got pissed, that kind of way."

"Oh," Lena said shortly. There didn't seem to be anything else to say and they ate in silence for a while.

"So are you coming? You don't have to bring me anything," Kara added. "It's in the city. Midtown."

"This surprise party you don't want?"

Kara sighed, the words sounding heavy in her mouth. "Mike's all about surprise parties. And commitment. I'm not a fan of either, but I love him."

"You're not a fan of commitment?" Lena snorted, lightening the mood. It was scary, how easily she fell into conversation with Kara.

"What? I'm not!" Kara laughed, her teeth flashing with a smile.

Lena laughed with her. How did Kara not see how ridiculous that statement was? "You have _tattoos_. You've been dating the same guy for two years. Those things both scream 'commitment' to me," she said almost triumphantly.

"Whatever. We get it, you're a genius. So are you coming or not?"

"If you want me there," Lena said with very little conviction.

"Of course I want you there, you're my best friend." Kara's excitement made her look back down at her breakfast, trying to ignore the pang in her heart at the word 'friend'. She half-listened to Kara chatter about previous birthdays, her eyes locked on Kara's mouth. She had already bought her a gift the day before, a watch that Kara had commented on during one of their very first trips to the mall.

For a regular person it was an inordinately expensive gift. For Lena, it was barely enough to warrant the text her mother sent her—a picture of the invoice and a biting comment about her wearing cheap accessories.

She had a keen eye for fashion, having been raised by someone with the interest and the means to keep up with the constantly changing trends. Kara tended to wear larger watches that were closer to men's fashion than women's, and Lena had filed that information away for a day it would be useful.

"_That's such a pretty watch." Kara pointed at the glass casing and Lena followed her finger to a Cartier that she recognized from a fashion show._

"_The 42mm Ronde Solo de Cartier?"_

"_Of course you'd know that." Kara elbowed her playfully. "Yeah. With the blue face. It's one of my favorites."_

"_Favorites?" An idea was forming in her mind and Lena pushed it aside, following Kara along the display._

"_Uh huh," the blonde nodded enthusiastically. "If I had a million dollars, all the watches I'd buy. My father used to collect watches. I have a few, but there are still some that I want to own someday." She named a few more, all of them expensive, then turned to Lena with a wistful grin. "Here's hoping in ten years I'll have made enough money to buy at least one of them."_

"_I'm sure you will," Lena said confidently._

* * *

"Surprise!"

Kara jumped back theatrically and laughed, putting a hand to her chest. "Oh my god, you guys!"

"Happy birthday!"

Sitting in the middle of the Times Square Hard Rock Cafe, Lena felt more at home and simultaneously more uncomfortable than she thought possible. She hadn't been this close to the Luthor mansion in months, but Kara was a strong reminder of the changes she'd undergone since she'd left its cold hallways behind.

"Lena is my first wife. Thomas, you can be my second." Kara pointed a fry at the boy who was sticking his tongue out at her.

"Why am I the second? I've known you longer."

"True, but Lena's ten times hotter." Kara shrugged. "I don't make the rules."

"Here's my gift." Mike chose that moment to interrupt, kissing Kara with great gusto. Lena buried herself in fries as Kara unwrapped the box and almost choked when she saw what it was.

Mike had gotten her a watch.

It was slim, clearly a women's watch, and she felt her heart contract. Mike had gotten her a _watch_.

_Of course he did, they've been dating for years. He knows she loves watches._

How was she supposed to give Kara her gift with a shred of dignity now? It would look like she'd copied her boyfriend, bought something she knew Kara had at least a vague interest in, and slapped a bow on it.

Kara thanked him profusely and slipped the box into her purse, turning her attention back to the food. Everyone was laughing and the food kept coming, and Lena almost forgot her worry in the hubbub.

Things took a gut-wrenching turn when they got to their air bnb.

Mike had filled the rooms with as much alcohol as could fit in a pickup truck and he started handing out drinks, turning up the music. "It's your seventeenth birthday! Do a shot, babe!"

"I'm good," Kara said in a polite voice, firmly pushing his hand away. He already stank of tequila and she met Lena's gaze across the room. The brunette had said very little since they'd left the restaurant and she wanted to find out what was bothering her, not listen to Mike's loud yelling in her ear.

Mike followed her eyes and said the dumbest possible thing of the night. "It's either you or her!" He stumbled over and dragged Lena to the center of the room where a circle was forming. "Best friends! One of you takes a shot, the other one can watch."

"What kind of twisted—Mike, that's ridiculous." Kara looked extremely uncomfortable and Lena tried to escape the knot of people but they were _everywhere_. "We're not doing this." She was looking at the tiny glass in her boyfriend's hand like it was a rattlesnake and Lena felt her heart pang with sympathy.

"I'll do it," she said in a small voice, feeling like a child and Lillian was forcing her to talk to a business man she had no interest in. It was the wrong thing to say, because Mike turned on her with a vengeful look in his eyes.

"Oh, yeah? You think you can take it?" He advanced on Lena, a large, hulking mass of a quarterback and on instinct she shrunk back. "Come on, Lena. Let's see you come between me and Kara _again._"

"Mike, stop it!" Kara sounded frantic, her eyes fastened on the look of terror on Lena's face. "You're scaring her."

"Good." He took another step forward and she tripped backwards, landing on top of someone who just shoved her back towards Mike. "Maybe she'll take me seriously."

"What are you talking about?" Lena's voice shot up an octave and she watched Mike top the shot off with growing trepidation. Her heart was racing in her chest and she tried to stop her hands from shaking, clenching them in fists at her sides. This was clearly about more than just one drink. There was an underlying ire to his stance and she was getting more and more nervous the closer he got. Lillian had hit her plenty of times but she had the feeling it would seem like a joke compared to what Mike was capable of.

Kara was tugging at her boyfriend's arm but he was unstoppable, and she was no match for over two hundred pounds of muscle.

"You two, always hanging out. Never making time for me," he snarled. A mix of spit and beer hit Lena in the face and she flinched, her eyes closing. Her heart tried to jump out of her chest with the adrenaline coursing through her, and her stomach clenched at Kara's next words.

"Jesus, Mike, I'll do it. Don't be an ass."

And before Lena could object, Kara was gritting her teeth, seizing the shot glass and tilting her head back.

She coughed as the tequila burned her throat and something in Mike shifted because his lips twitched up in a wide grin, the exuberance of a drunk shining through. "I knew you could do it! Try another one."

With a pained grimace, Kara took the second glass, her eyes locking with Lena's. There was a desperation in them, like she hated what she was doing but couldn't find another way out of it, and Lena's guts twisted as she did a second, then third shot, the crowd cheering her on.

This was wrong. This was all wrong. Mike, pressuring Kara into drinking, Kara doing it because of her. The sheer revulsion Lena felt at Mike's behavior made her brave and she slapped a fourth glass out of his hand, the liquid splashing to the ground. Kara looked relieved and Lena mustered up the courage to square her shoulders.

"That's enough," she said, her voice emulating Lillian's commanding tone. Everyone near her took a step back, shooting her wary looks.

The bizarre insistence from earlier seemed to have been drowned out by beer and Mike just shrugged, turning his attention on Thomas. "Keg stand?"

The crowd roared its approval as Lena slipped away, taking Kara with her into an empty bedroom.

It turned out Kara Danvers was a lightweight.

Within 30 minutes she was a mess and Lena kept having to prop her up. She would giggle every time, amused with the way Lena would say, "Come on, Kara. You're killing me here."

At least she was a happy drunk.

"Lee?" Kara's fingers were sifting through her hair and Lena couldn't find it in her to deny her friend the simple pleasure she was getting out of it. And fine, maybe she was enjoying the feeling despite the situation, Kara's fingers brushing through the long, dark strands in a way that made her scalp tingle.

"Yes?" She sighed, sitting in a more comfortable position.

"You're my favorite person." As though seeing her for the first time that night, Kara's eyes focused on her then lit up. "You came to my birthday party!" Lowering her volume with a wince, she put her head in her hands. "Why do people drink? This feels horrible."

The noise of the party reached them even through the door and Kara groaned. Lena watched her carefully, unsure of what to do.

"I can get you some water?"

Kara shook her head slowly. "This party sucks. I hate this, I hate this. I shouldn't be here, not like this."

Lena grabbed her hands and knelt down, sadness and worry etched in every line of her face. "Do you want to leave?"

Kara physically recoiled at the implication. "I can't drive." Her voice was small and nervous and Lena stroked her palm in what she hoped was a soothing manner.

"I'll get a car—"

"I can't, I have to be the one driving." Kara was starting to slur her words and she clutched at Lena's hands with a fierce desperation. "I have to drive but I can't drive." A note of hysteria entered her voice and she started laughing frantically, uncontrollably. "I can't drive because I'm drunk. _I'm _drunk! Of all people, after my entire family died, I—"

"Kara. Kara, listen to me." Lena's voice broke through her high-pitched giggles, a pleading look on her face. "Do you trust me?"

After a moment of hesitation, Kara nodded, her eyes wide.

"Good." Lena blew out a breath and reached for her purse, her fingers brushing the Cartier box as she searched for her phone.

"Don't go," Kara pleaded, her arm stretching as Lena stood up.

"I'm not going anywhere," Lena assured her. "I'll be right here." Kara didn't let go of her and she sat back down, afraid of wrenching her friend's shoulder. The phone rang at her ear and she rubbed Kara's back as the blonde sunk into her side, her tequila breath washing over Lena.

"James? I need a favor."

Pulling Kara up again, Lena ran a hand through her hair. "Okay, he's coming in a few minutes. We need to get outside, is Mike going to stop you?"

"Can I drive?" Kara asked, a horribly confused look on her face that broke Lena's heart.

"No, you can't," Lena said gently, trying to open the door with one hand. Kara was leaning heavily on her and it made the simple task five times more challenging.

"I have to drive." Kara's voice was groggy and Lena had a hell of a time getting her downstairs. Thankfully, Mike was too busy downing beers somewhere to even notice they'd gone and they were sitting on the curb when the black SUV drove up.

"Lee, I can't," Kara protested as she helped her into the back seat. "I'm supposed to be up front, I haven't sat in the back since my brother died—I—"

James closed the door and cast her a worried look.

"Ms. Luthor, is everything alright?"

All her attention was taken up by Kara, who was practically hyperventilating in the seat next to her. "Sure, it's grand," she said shortly. "Take us to the Four Seasons on 57th street."

James started driving and Lena's frown deepened; Kara looked like she was seconds away from a full-blown panic attack.

"Breathe, Kara, breathe. It'll be okay." She rubbed circles on Kara's back but they didn't seem to be helping and she felt the logical side of her brain kicking into gear.

No time for emotions now, not with Kara having a meltdown in her arms.

"I can't breathe, I can't—" Kara was choking, putting a hand on her heaving chest. "What if we crash and I—I can't watch you die, too. I can't, I can't, I can't—"

What was it she'd seen on TV?

One of the ways to stop a panic attack was to hold your breath.

It would be so easy. Kara was already in her arms.

Lena grabbed the blonde's collar and pulled, crashing their lips together and effectively cutting off the panicked stream of rambling.

_Hold your breath, hold your breath, hold your breath._

It was nothing like she'd imagined. Not that she'd ever admit to imagining it, but in the weak moments when she'd thought about kissing Kara, it was never like this.

It never would have been in the back of her mother's car.

Kara wasn't supposed to taste like alcohol.

And she never would have done it without _asking,_ for Christ's sake.

So she was more than a little surprised when Kara's lips parted after a few seconds, the blonde pushing forward with drunken enthusiasm, her knee slotting the space between Lena's legs. Neither of them had their seat belts on and they tumbled back onto the leather, Kara's mouth chasing hers.

_Holy shit._

A wildfire was raging through her chest and settling somewhere between her legs. Kara's vanilla smell was wreathing around them and Lena couldn't stop the shiver that rippled through her body when Kara _moaned _into her mouth.

_Oh my god, oh my god—_

"Ms. Luthor." James cleared his throat loudly. "Four seasons."

Pulling herself away with a gasp, Lena looked up

"Thank you," she said hoarsely, not looking at Kara. Dragging her friend out of the car, she hurried to the front desk.

"Can I help you?" The man behind the counter eyed her with disdain. Lena didn't blame him; they must be quite a sight. Her shirt was hanging off one shoulder and Kara, drunk as she was, couldn't look any better.

"I need a room. Two beds, please."

"I'm sorry, miss, the minimum age is—" His eyes widened when she slid her credit card on the counter and he paled significantly.

"I said I need a room." Her tone left no room for argument.

"Of course, Ms. Luthor. I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you." He started clicking around on his computer, holding the card between a thumb and forefinger like her mother might come out of it and slap him.

She knew the feeling.

"Ninth floor, room 905." He pointed to the elevator with barely concealed curiosity as she fumbled with her purse. "Do you need anything else?"

Pressing a twenty into his hand, she glared at him. "Yes. Don't tell anyone I was here."

The elevator ride up was silent. Kara leaned her head on Lena's shoulder and the brunette tried to get her disorganized thoughts in line.

She had just kissed Kara Danvers.

Kara Danvers had just kissed her back.

The reality of the situation was she had done what she had to.

The feeling of the situation was her poor, rejected heart doing back flips at how _soft_ Kara's lips had been. Her immediate, militant response was to shut the feelings away, bury the memory of the kiss and pretend it never happened. Her heart chose that moment to override her brain, aching in her chest and trying to replicate Kara's heartbeat when she was pressed against her in the back of the car.

Her dream came crashing down when, after pushing open the door to a large, lavish room, Kara flopped down on the bed.

"Where's Mike?" she asked, a dazed look in her eyes.

_Mike. The reason Kara's drunk in the first place, that rat bastard._

"You wanted to leave the party, remember?" Lena ducked into the bathroom and fixed her hair, running a finger over her still-tingling lips. _This can't be happening._

"Oh. Right." Kara sounded annoyed and Lena padded back out to see what the problem was. Her friend was sitting on the bed, Mike's present to her in her hands. She was turning the box over and over like it held some sort of secret, her brow furrowed. "Is this it?" Her enthusiasm had visibly dimmed since mentioning his name.

Wordlessly, Lena opened the box and took out the watch.

Kara stared at it for a second before saying something very unladylike and throwing it across the room. It hit the wall with a crack of plaster and metal, and Lena covered her mouth with her hands.

"Kara..."

"I hate it," the blonde said stubbornly. "I fucking knew he was going to get me that watch. That's the same watch he got me for our first year anniversary and I _hate_ it."

"Why do you hate it so much?" Lena fought the urge to pick it up off the ground. Twisted satisfaction and regret warred in her and the satisfaction won; the watch stayed on the ground by the trash can.

"Veronica," Kara said simply. She still sounded a little drunk and Lena looked up from taking her bra off. "The night she—I was wearing it, when he walked in on us."

"Kissing?" Feeling guilty, Lena pressed the topic, her curiosity getting the better of her.

Kara never talked about Veronica but the alcohol had loosened something in her and she nodded. "It was more than that. A lot more. But he only barged in at the end. And then I threw that watch away."

"What was she like?" Jealousy shot through her at the way Kara's eyes lit up and she turned away, kicking her shoes off.

"Oh, man, you would've loved her! She was so cool and pretty and she always made me laugh, and her hair was just perfect," Kara said dreamily, staring into space. "And when she kissed me, it was like parts of me came alive that I didn't know existed and everything else faded away."

"She sounds great," Lena said shortly. Why had she even asked? Christ, she was so _stupid._

"Kind of like when you kissed me," Kara said bluntly.

The words brought Lena's brain to a screeching halt. "I only did that because you were having a panic attack." The words sounded hollow even to her own ears and she slid Kara's glasses off with a shaking hand.

"I liked it." The confidence was gone and Kara's voice turned shy. "Will you sleep with me?"

"What?" Lena sputtered, jerking back. Her cheeks flushed and she searched Kara's face for an explanation.

"Not like that. I'm tired." Kara held her arms out and Lena hesitated.

"There's two beds."

Kara smiled at her innocently. "Yeah, but sharing one will be warmer."

_You're digging yourself one hell of a hole, Luthor. You do this and there is absolutely no going back. _

But it was Kara, and she couldn't say no, so she walked over as slowly as possible and carefully slid under the covers.

Kara wasn't having any of it. The second Lena was horizontal she turned her over and wrapped her arms around Lena's waist.

Feeling insanely self-conscious, Lena held her breath and sucked her stomach in but Kara didn't seem to care, too busy pressing her cheek in the space between Lena's shoulder blades.

"You smell so good," she hummed, her fingers finding Lena's and winding them together. "I think I'm in love with you."

_Holy hell._

A minute later, Kara was snoring quietly in blissfully ignorant slumber, leaving Lena with panic twisting her insides. She could feel every point of contact between them like her senses were heightened—Kara's arm burning against her ribs, the even, warm puffs of breath hitting her back, their legs intertwined even though both of them were wearing jeans.

Resigning herself to an all-nighter, Lena slid her phone out, careful not to jostle Kara's arm. Opening the eBook of _A Tale of Two Cities,_ she started reading, not missing how alike she and Sydney Carton were.

He was a cynical, self-loathing man who felt a deep, unrequited love for a woman that brought out the best in him. It hit a little too close to home, and she closed her eyes for a moment, the painful tightness in her heart too much for her to bear.

* * *

Lena woke up at 3 in the morning with an annoyed grunt, her face pressed into the pillow. She couldn't get comfortable for the life of her, and squeezed her eyes shut in frustration.

A second later she became very, _very_ aware of a hot, heavy weight on her back, pushing her into the mattress. Warm air hit the back of her neck and she froze, feeling the _thing _on top of her shift.

Somehow, she had fallen asleep and somehow, Kara had ended up _on top of her._

Her heart was struggling to beat against the chains she quickly lashed around it and a strange pressure was settling below her gut, but she forced herself to hold still, praying that Kara would move.

A stressful, slow 20 minutes passed, then some merciful god took pity on her because Kara rolled off her and let out a quiet noise that melted Lena's heart. It melted her bones along with it when Kara whispered her name.

"Lena?"

Paralyzed, Lena breathed out a barely audible "Yeah?" but Kara had already lapsed back into sleep.

Her anxiety only heightened when the blonde pulled Lena to her front, her arms wrapping in an almost-too-tight way around her chest. Every cell in Lena's body screamed at her to get up and go over to the other bed, but her muscles didn't obey. She was putty in Kara's arms and was tired of fighting the confusing feelings that took up most of her concentration, so she let herself be held for the first time in a long time, knowing Kara wouldn't remember it in the morning.

She wasn't sure if she was happy about that.

Kara was the most confusing part of her life right now. Not her mother, not the weekly voicemails her brother left her from prison, but their supposed-to-be-easy friendship. She had admitted, out loud, how she felt about her friend and Kara had rejected her—but the way she was acting wasn't the way someone acted when they found out you liked them.

You weren't supposed to climb into bed with someone after telling them you didn't feel the same way. You weren't supposed to tell them they were your favorite person, or make jokes about them being your wife. You weren't supposed to make up reasons for taking their picture. You certainly weren't supposed to keep taking your shirt off in front of them, even if it was just to return it.

Lena was tired of always waiting for something to happen, for the crackling tension between them to amount to something more—and it had finally come to a head, with Kara's lips on hers and fingers in her hair.

But Kara had been drunk, and Lena felt like she had been robbed. She wanted Kara to _want_ to kiss her. She wanted her feelings validated, she wanted her feelings returned, she wanted to stop feeling guilty and out of place, a square peg in a round hole.

She wanted a lot of things.

* * *

oof. this is based off something that happened to me, but i was kara in this situation and it was a gay disaster


	10. Not This Time

The blinding sunlight that pierced Kara's eyelids made her groan and she buried her face in the person in front of her, taking a deep breath and pulling them closer.

It wasn't the familiar, overbearing cologne and hard muscles of her boyfriend that greeted her but soft skin smelling of light, airy perfume, with hints of citrus and rare, exotic flowers. Despite what her nose was telling her, she still felt the shock like a bucket of icy water over her head when she cracked an eye open and found herself an inch away from Lena's bare back.

Sometime in the night Lena had pulled her shirt off, no doubt overheating because of Kara—she always ran warm—and her skin was glowing in the sunlight. A smattering of freckles dotted her back and Kara traced them with a feather-light touch, connecting them like constellations. There were faint, long white scars that crisscrossed the pale skin, only visible at specific angles, and she wondered what they were from, sitting up with a frown.

What had happened to her Lena?

The phrase equal parts thrilled and scared her. _Her_ Lena. That electrifying kiss ran through her mind on a loop and she held her breath as Lena hummed in her sleep.

Running a fingertip along the scar at Lena's eyebrow, she wondered how she'd let this happen. How had she let this quiet, beautiful girl worm her way into her heart? After Veronica, she had sworn to never do it again, and yet here she was.

Speaking of, where were they?

Kara took in the extravagant room for the first time. Everything was branded with the Four Seasons logo and it was dawning on her that they must be in someone else's room. She remembered Lena dragging her into the lobby and the receptionist turning them down, and everything else was a blur.

Except that damned kiss.

As she twisted to see the time on Lena's watch, a wave of nausea rose in her and she scrambled out of the bed, running for the bathroom. Lena made a discontented noise at being disturbed but Kara was too busy being violently sick to check on her. Having never been drunk, her body was having a rough go of it and with her head over the toilet bowl and her eyes screwed shut, she didn't see, but rather heard Lena barrel into the bathroom after her.

Strong fingers were raking her hair back and resting on her shoulder, Lena's voice low in her ear.

"You're okay. You're okay, I got you. I'm here."

Another bout of nausea made her head spin and she coughed, bending further over the toilet. Her arms were shaking, sweaty fingers slipping on the porcelain rim, and Lena was pushing a paper cup at her. She sipped it with a groan, rinsing her mouth and trying to stop her throat from convulsing.

"I feel like shit."

Despite the situation, Lena half smiled. "Happy birthday?" she said in a terse voice, her eyes not leaving Kara's face.

Kara let out a strangled laugh and looked up with watery red eyes. A second later the paper cup hit the ground and she turned bright red, her hungover brain completely shutting down.

"Are you going to be sick again?" Lena said with concern, leaning forward. Kara's eyes were stuck somewhere below her neck and she frowned. "Kara?"

The deep breath Kara let out hit Lena's bare skin and—

_Hang on. Bare skin?!_

In her hurry to follow Kara to the bathroom, Lena hadn't noticed that she was _topless._ She quickly crossed her arms over her chest, feeling doubly self conscious when Kara didn't look away. Her heart rate skyrocketed until, with unnerving self control, she stood up and left the bathroom.

Wrenching open the cabinet, she tied one of the plush robes around her and peeled her jeans off. She glanced at herself in the closet mirror—her hair was in desperate need of a brush, her eyes were wide and nervous—and forced a neutral expression on her face before heading back to the bathroom to check on Kara, her heart pounding.

Her friend had moved from the floor to the edge of the tub and looked embarrassed when Lena appeared in the doorway. "So," she started, her blue eyes much clearer now that her body had cleaned itself out. The pause that followed was awkward and drawn out; Lena pulled the robe tighter around herself and Kara opened her mouth without saying anything several times.

"About last night," the blonde said at last. "I didn't...get drunk, did I? After we left dinner?"

Lena raised an eyebrow, feeling accomplished when her voice came out casual. "Is that what you remember?"

"I think so." Kara seemed to be waiting for her version of the story and Lena sighed, perching on the counter.

"When we got to the house, Mike got it in his head that you needed to do a shot." She couldn't keep the annoyance out of her voice. "Then he asked me—"

"He didn't _ask._ He was threatening you," Kara interrupted angrily.

"So you do remember." It wasn't a question.

Kara looked down at her feet. "I dreamed that we were in the back of a car. And I didn't care that I was in the back, because you were with me and I could feel you kissing me." Her voice dropped lower and lower as she continued, "And I think it was a dream, but I'm not sure."

She didn't know what made her say what she said next; maybe it was the tight giddiness in her chest, maybe it was the butterflies in her stomach, maybe it was Kara looking beautiful under the fluorescent lights and talking about kissing her.

"Do you want it to be a dream?"

Kara's eyes flickered and Lena tried to interpret the flash of blue and grey but she hid her face behind a curtain of blonde hair. At that reaction, self doubt tore into Lena and she second-guessed everything from the night before; the jokes, Kara's mumbled words, holding her in her arms. She turned to go and suddenly Kara was blocking the doorway, sky-blue eyes burning into her and sweat beading her forehead.

Lena tried to convince herself that she would be satisfied if Kara walked away, but even she couldn't lie that effectively. Her body quivered with anticipation as Kara looked her up and down.

"I don't know." Kara's voice was soft but her eyes were like chips of ice, unyielding and determined, and Lena felt like a bug pinned to a board; helpless, vulnerable, under scrutiny. They were all sensations she was familiar with, but not like this. Never like this.

A door slammed out in the hallway and Kara jumped back, her eyes darting around the room.

"What are we doing here?" The question came out high-pitched and shaky, and Kara walked to the window, hiding her expression from Lena. She couldn't remember everything she had said, but one sentence in particular glared out at her.

_I think I'm in love with you._

"You wanted to leave the party." Lena emerged from the bathroom to see Kara pulling her hair into a messy bun. "I got us a room," she said matter-of-factly.

"_This_ room?" Kara said, disbelief coloring her tone. She picked her glasses up and cleaned them before sliding them onto her face, blinking as her eyes adjusted.

Something about being back in New York changed the way Lena thought and her chin raised defiantly. "I always stay here."

"You do? I mean...wow." Kara was at a loss for words. "Isn't this place, like, a thousand dollars a night?" She craned her neck to look around, loose strands of hair falling down her neck.

"It's not important. You wanted to leave, so we left. Consider it a birthday gift."

Money. One more thing that separated her from everyone else. Kara had the same look that everyone else did when they found out how rich her family was—the kind of rich that people didn't talk about. The kind of rich that made her name synonymous with royalty, that made service people bend over backwards for her out of fear.

Lena understood it. She knew she had been raised in money, by money. She tried to keep in mind that Lillian's standards were different than the average middle-aged woman's, skewed by price tags and luxury, but the watch sitting in her purse now seemed more like a grenade than a gift.

Looking around her in awe, Kara peered out the window. "Nice view." She fingered the curtain like she was afraid of how expensive it was, and Lena's heart sunk.

Kara moved away from the window and Lena moved with her, the movements feeling rehearsed, like a bizarre play they were both unwitting participants in. When had being with Kara gotten so stiff, so formal? Not an hour ago they were sleeping in the same bed, holding hands.

In an attempt to break the silence, Lena cleared her throat. "Should I order breakfast? Bagels are good to soak up alcohol."

With a frown, Kara nodded, a shadow crossing her face. "I can't believe I was drunk. Sorry you had to see that."

"It it's any consolation, you're a happy drunk."

"That has more to do with the company than me, I think," Kara said generously. She felt drab compared to the glamour of the room and worried at a hole in her tee shirt, watching Lena search for the room service menu. Her friend fit in with the fancy setting but she looked like she was on edge and Kara's frown deepened. She was on edge too, if she was being honest. The unspoken words between them were the elephant in the room as they sat on opposite beds, Lena checking her phone, Kara watching Lena, until the food arrived.

"Put it over there." Lena was confident, commanding. This was familiar territory and she fell back into society's role for her with an effortlessness that both pleased and irritated her. She worried that Kara would see her for who she really was and hate her for it, but habit already had her on her feet and tipping the man. "That will be all." The door closed behind him and she turned back to see Kara studying her, biting her lip. "What?"

Kara shook her head. "You're doing it again," she said with evident concern.

"Doing what?" Lena asked self-consciously, glancing down at herself. Had she forgotten to put on clothes? Had her robe come undone?

"Acting all formal. You don't like being here, do you?" As usual, Kara knew exactly what she was thinking, and Lena rolled her shoulders back.

"There's bagels, pancakes, eggs, fruit, orange juice, milk, coffee, tea..."

"No waffles?"

Her face fell. "I forgot to order them. I can call him back or—"

"I'm messing with you." Kara rolled her eyes, letting Lena off the hook in lieu of eating, but a shine in the corner caught her eye. Bending down with a sigh, she picked something off the ground and when she straightened up, Lena saw the watch gleaming in her hands. Kara's face took on a troubled expression, her knuckles whitening around the leather strap.

"You know, if I'm paying for them you might as well try on a robe." She said it to distract Kara and it worked; the watch clattered onto the tray and Kara slid the other robe off the hanger.

"Ugh. Sleeping in jeans is the worst."

"No kidding," Lena agreed, trying to ignore the way Kara's pants fell to the ground.

Kara dug into the spread eagerly and Lena watched, her stomach in knots. Where were they supposed to go from here? Did they stay friends? Maybe it was just one kiss, maybe Kara didn't even think it was important enough to bring up...

"Lena?" Kara was looking at her expectantly, like it wasn't the first time she'd said her name.

She blinked, adorably distracted. "Yes?"

"Are you going to have any of this?" Kara gestured to the already half-empty table, chewing on a strip of bacon.

Forcing down a sip of water, Lena shook her head. "I'm thinking of switching schools," she said suddenly, delivering the battering ram of a sentence in a flat voice.

The piece of bacon fell from Kara's hand. "What? Why?" She looked shocked and disappointed and Lena felt it like a tug in her gut.

Not sure what had possessed her to say such a thing, she blinked, trying to come up with a reasonable follow up. As it always did around Kara, her brain failed her.

"Because he got you a watch."

Disappointment morphed into confusion and Kara tilted her head like it would help her see clearer. "That's—What does that have to do with you staying?" She made sure to say 'staying' instead of 'leaving'; the idea of Lena going back to some snobby, posh school well out of her reach threatened to open a crater in her chest. Lena had been so jumpy and withdrawn when she came from that place, and Kara hated to think she would be going back there.

Stirring a cup of tea with enough force to rattle the entire tray, Lena clenched her jaw and glared at the sugar cubes. "Forget I said anything," she said grimly. She started to get up and Kara had to reach across the table to stop her, grabbing her hand.

"Wait."

"I said forget it, Kara." Wishing she didn't sound close to tears, Lena refused to look her friend in the eye.

"Don't shut yourself off, Lee. Talk to me. What's going on? Is it the watch? I hate it too," Kara added, seeing Lena relax incrementally. She was trying to get back to the easy conversation they usually had, but everything had changed after last night.

Lena sensed Kara's eagerness to listen and it snapped something in her, because a second later she was throwing caution to the wind. "I got you one, too. But now it seems lame after seeing Mike's, because everyone knows you like watches—"

"Not everyone," Kara said quietly. Very few people knew she collected them.

"—and I feel so _stupid_ because I got all excited to give it to you and now I've gone and ruined everything and—"

"Can I see it?"

Lena caught her breath, her eyes wide. She was staring at Kara in disbelief, like she couldn't believe she had just confessed all that, and it took her a moment to come back to life. "See what?"

"The watch, silly." There was no mistaking the enthusiastic set of Kara's shoulders.

Lena's eyebrows knit and she had to turn away from the look in Kara's eyes. "You'll hate it," she mumbled, afraid of being rejected yet again. But her heart strained against her pessimism, rubbing open old wounds and whispering that maybe Kara _would_ like to see it, maybe she'd even like it more than she liked Mike's.

"Not if it's from you," Kara said earnestly. "I've been a bad friend, I know, but look! We're here having a nice breakfast and no one is around to bother us. There's nothing to be afraid of, Lee."

Weighing Kara's words against the weight in her chest, Lena pursed her lips. "You have to close your eyes," she instructed, trying to stay calm. Anticipation zinged through her and she was trying to keep it at bay, keep it so she wasn't disappointed when Kara's reaction didn't live up to her expectations.

Kara closed her eyes obediently and grinned. "Alright, have it your way." She heard Lena get up and go over to the bed and her fingers tapped against the tray, a staccato beat that hammered in the silence. Unfortunately, when she closed her eyes, she saw Lena's green ones, dark with an inexplicable hunger, pulling her forward until their lips met—

Lena's voice spoke from somewhere to her left. "You can look now."

A wrapped box was sitting on the edge of the tray, small, neat letters spelling out "Happy Birthday!" in Lena's familiar scrawl. Lena herself was sitting on the floor a few feet away, apprehension in every line of her body. Kara picked it up carefully, trying not to seem too eager, but she ripped the paper off impatiently, earning a throaty chuckle from Lena.

_Cartier._

Sliding the perfectly fit, pristine white sleeve off, Kara's breath caught and she couldn't tear her eyes away. A red box with gold trim sat in her lap and her fingers paused on the latch, the moment building.

"This isn't a prank, and it's just an empty box, right?" Her voice was breathy and an octave too high.

"Afraid not," Lena said in a low voice that sent a shiver down her spine.

The latch clicked open and Kara forgot how to breathe.

"_The 42mm Ronde Solo de Cartier?"_

"_Of course you'd know that. Yeah. With the blue face. It's one of my favorites."_

For a long time, neither of them moved a millimeter. Lena was afraid, already planning how to get out of the state if Kara decided she hated it. Kara was sitting in absolute silence.

Finally, Lena couldn't take it anymore. She stood up to get a good look at Kara's face and her friend stood up with her, the open box landing upright in her newly vacated chair.

"Lena..." Kara swallowed hard, the magnitude of the gift still washing over her. Lena had remembered which stupid watch was her favorite, had _bought _it for her, most likely without even thinking about the price based on this hotel room, and now...

Her chest tight with uncertainty, Lena took a step back. No one had ever looked at her the way Kara was looking at her right now, and she wondered if she had made a horrible mistake in buying the watch.

"Do you..." Her teeth worried at her bottom lip, her eyes trained on Kara's face. "Do you like it?"

Kara's eyes were suspiciously bright and she swallowed again. "I..."

Lena opened her mouth to say something, anything, to justify the clearly terrible purchase she'd made, but nothing came out. She stumbled back another step and this time Kara followed, a desperate look in her eyes that Lena felt mirrored in her own.

And then Kara was pressing her into the wall and crushing her lips in an all-encompassing kiss that made Lena's knees go weak.

Kara was kissing her. Kara had leaned forward, she had _kissed_ her, she had _wanted to._

Lena froze, her heart flailing in her chest in a final, pathetic attempt to protect herself. Sensing that something was off, Kara pulled away, still framing Lena's face in her hands and looking at her with so much genuine concern that she had a hard time not leaning forward and kissing the confused look off of Kara's face.

"Lena? Did I do that wrong? Is it—"

"This is a bad idea," Lena gasped out.

_No!_ her heart screamed, _This is exactly what you want!_

"But...I want to." And that simple statement was almost enough for Lena, who had been denying herself so much for so long. But reality was a bitch, and she delivered it in three short words.

"What about Mike?"

Kara didn't so much as blink at his name. "I don't want Mike, I want you." She said it like it was obvious, then let out a long breath and took a step back to regard Lena with hurt in her eyes. "I thought you wanted...I mean, last night..."

Lena couldn't do much but swallow; her throat had closed up and she was trying to keep a tenuous control over her impassive expression.

"I meant what I said, Lee. About..." Her throat bobbed up and down and Lena waited with baited breath. "I feel the same way about you."

And that was it.

The final chain, put in place by her own self-hatred, snapped, and then they were kissing again. She didn't know who leaned in first, but Kara responded enthusiastically and Lena marveled at how good, how _right_ it felt to have Kara's arms around her and her lips on hers. The electricity that was coming off the two of them made the hairs on the back of her neck stand up and just like last night, Kara moaned into her open mouth and she melted.

The kiss deepened and Lena tried to keep up. Kara, clearly, had experience kissing a girl, but Lena was getting caught up in her own current of emotions. Kara's fingers on her face, cupping it like it was breakable and important, whispering her name.

_This can't be real._

Something ran across her lips—Kara's tongue, darting out of her mouth—and she sighed into the kiss, her lips parting subconsciously.

"Is this okay?" Kara asked in a hoarse voice, her eyes closed.

Lena pushed off the wall in response and then Kara's tongue was in her mouth and all she could smell was Kara, and all she could taste was Kara, and she couldn't close her eyes because she couldn't believe that _this was happening._ Blonde hair hung over her (Kara was a few inches taller than her) and something deep inside her moved when she felt Kara's legs hit the bed.

She tore herself away the same way a starving man tears himself away from his first meal in months.

"Lena?" Kara's pupils were blown out and she was looking at her with something like reverence.

She felt like she was in limbo. Her heart was pounding in her chest and she tried to talk herself out of it, but the next words out of her mouth crushed her own fragile hope. "You don't want this. You don't want me." Lena's eyes stung and she looked away. Her hands shook at her sides and she clenched them into fists, knowing she could never be the girl Kara thought she was.

Kara's slim fingers turned her head and she kept her eyes down, knowing her resolve would disappear if she looked up. "Lena."

Lena shook her head, biting the inside of her cheek so hard she thought she tasted blood. Her heart felt like it was about to explode out of her chest, and no doubt Kara could see her pulse pounding through every vein in her body.

"Lena," Kara repeated with more force. "What's going through your head right now?"

"I don't deserve this," she whispered, the words torn from her with Kara's blue eyes and expectant expression.

"Don't deserve what?"

"I'm not...I'm not the kind of person that people like, Kara." Squeezing her eyes shut, a tear slipped out and slid down her cheek, and she leaned away from the warmth of Kara's hand. "I'm going to go check out. Make sure you have everything." She ducked away from Kara and ran out the door before Kara could say anything.

* * *

"I heard you got the part."

Kara smiled into the phone, pushing her glasses up. "Yeah. How's New York?"

"Cold," Lena said shortly. She clamped her mouth shut to stop the flow of words; that she missed Kara, that she was sorry they didn't talk about that morning, that it was too late now. They had hung out exclusively in groups since Kara's birthday and Kara had gone right back to her flirty, touchy ways and Lena was so confused by it that she didn't know what to do. Now they were on winter break, and Lena was back at the Luthor mansion. "What's the musical?"

"The Last Five Years." Kara stuffed her script into her backpack and an idea came to her. "Hey, if I gave you the music, could you learn the piano accompaniment? I need to practice the songs."

"Sure," Lena agreed readily, unable to deny Kara's upbeat attitude.

"Bangarang! I'll email you the PDF. Does your mom have a piano?"

"My mother has five pianos," Lena said with a hint of bitterness.

Sensing that it wasn't directed at her, Kara just hummed. "Alright. I can't wait to see you!"

"Where are you and Mike staying?" Lena already knew, Kara had talked about their plans several times, but once Kara hung up all she had to look forward to was dinner with her mother. Her mother, and the memory of her brother that Lillian would never stop talking about.

"Aspen. I wish you were here with us, it's so pretty. You should come next time, if your mom lets you."

Letting Kara ramble on, Lena looked out her window despondently. It hadn't been Lillian, but herself, who decided to tell Kara she couldn't make it. Now she was regretting that decision, but she didn't know if it would do her any good to spend winter break with Kara—Kara and Mike. She missed her, sharply, but she couldn't keep going on like nothing had happened even though Kara seemed content with doing exactly that. Only Lillian yelling at her about being a disgrace had been enough to force her hand, and she had dialed the number she had been avoiding for three days.

"I'm really glad you called. Shoot, I gotta go. Mike is yelling something about a bonfire." Kara waited for Lena to say something, but the brunette was silent. "Lena? Did you hang up on me?"

"No, sorry," Lena said, shaking her head even though Kara couldn't see her. "I, um...Have fun, Kara."

"Yeah. What are you doing tonight?" Kara seemed just as reluctant to end the call and Lena tried to keep the suspicion out of her voice.

"Dinner with my mother. Why?"

"No reason," Kara said quickly. "I just thought I'd give you a call if you were free. But maybe you'll be busy with dinner," she added as an afterthought. "Text me when you're done?"

"I'd like that." Lena was surprised that Kara would interrupt her vacation to talk to _her,_ but it was easier to agree to things like this when they weren't face-to-face. Every time Kara had suggested calling her when they were at school, she had turned her down, but the distance made her brave and she didn't feel like the rug was being swept from under her feet by Kara's eyes on hers.

"Okay. Talk to you later!" Kara sounded cheery, and Lena hung up before she could say something stupid.

Dinner with her mother was an uncomfortably tense affair.

"How is school?"

Lena didn't look up from her plate. "Good," she said tersely, stabbing at a piece of broccoli. Her lips twitched up in a smile when she remembered Kara's excuse for not eating vegetables.

"_They're against my religion."_

"_And what religion is that?"_

"_The religion that worships carbs and sugary goodness."_

"What have you learned so far?" Lillian prodded.

"Science. Math. World history," Lena supplied unhelpfully.

Lillian set her jaw. "If I'm going to pay thousands of dollars, you should respect me enough to answer my questions."

"Sure," Lena scoffed. "Then maybe we can pretend you're not spending that money just to get me out of the house."

"I asked you to come back here for the break, didn't I?" Lillian's eyes were glinting with a dangerous light, and she placed her fork next to her knife with thinly-veiled anger. "Your brother would have—"

"Come off it, mother. You always liked him best, don't pretend like you wouldn't rather be having this conversation with him." Frustrated, Lena interrupted her mother despite years of training not to do exactly that.

Lillian's polite manner dropped in an instant. "Listen to me, you self-centered parasite," she snapped. "Just because you can't stand to be second to him doesn't mean you have to spite me. Your short comings are not my fault."

"No, but the years of emotional abuse are."

Lillian's face turned red and she narrowed her eyes, and Lena raised her chin defiantly even as fear chilled her veins. She wasn't sure what had gotten into her, but she desperately wanted away from this massive, empty house and it's gloomy passages. She was baiting her mother, because at least she could leave her suffocating presence if they were fighting.

"I told you to rise above it all. Emotions only cloud your judgment, your ability to make decisions," Lillian said in a controlled tone. "If you can't manage that—"

"Why does everything have to be _my fault?_"

Her own words brought Lena up short. She had never voiced the thought aloud, but it suddenly made sense. She was tired, tired of being the only focus of her mother's attention now that Lex was in jail, tired of being made to feel constantly worthless, tired of taking responsibility for everything. "Why is it always my fault?" she repeated with less force. "Everything I say you turn around and blame me for, things I couldn't help when I was younger, things I can't help now. You make everything a fight, and I don't understand it."

"It's certainly not my fault you haven't changed in over a decade," Lillian said bitingly. "And if you weren't so insolent, we wouldn't be fighting."

Lena stared at her in dismay. Even after all these years, Lillian could still get under her skin so easily that it made her eyes sting, but not in sadness. It was a mixture of helplessness and anger, and she let it out. "Maybe I should've just killed myself," she said, not really meaning the words but at the same time not caring.

"Fine by me." Her mother waved a hand and turned back to her dinner. "Just don't do it on the property. It'll lower the resale value and I don't want to have to hose your body off the lawn."

Her bottom lip trembled and Lena stood up, pushing the chair back. "You are a _horrible_ mother," she said in a shaky voice.

"I really don't care." Lillian didn't even look up. "I haven't wanted to be your mother for years. I told you when you were 12, I'm abdicating the role. It's not my fault your birth mother went and killed herself." She glanced around to see if her words had an effect on Lena, but the girl was already running out of the room and up the stairs. "No, don't put those there," she snapped at a servant. "I told you, keep this dish warm!"

* * *

"Kara?"

"Hey! I was waiting for your text. How was dinner with your mom?"

Without warning, Lena burst into tears.

"Lena? Lena, what's wrong?" Kara sounded frantic. Ambient noise and shouting could be heard over the phone, and Kara apologized under her breath until she moved away from it. "Lena, what happened?"

"It's my mother," Lena said in a rush, wiping her nose. "I forget how much she hates me sometimes, and then it hits me and I don't understand, I can't understand, we were just having dinner but she _hates_ me and she told me she didn't care if I killed—" She hiccuped, putting a hand over her mouth and shutting her eyes against the setting sun coming in her window. Her chest was tight, whether in apprehension to Lillian's reaction or her own agony, she couldn't be sure, but Kara's voice in her ear made it a little easier to breathe.

"Lena, slow down. Take your time. Did you and your mother get into a fight?"

"Yes," Lena whispered brokenly.

Kara hesitated, asking a question she already half-knew the answer to. "Did she hit you?"

The words sounded harsh over the phone, like Kara was angry, though Lena knew it wasn't directed at her and she chose her answer carefully, knowing it was opening a door she could never close again. But Kara knew her, and she trusted her.

She still felt exposed when she whispered the words.

"Not this time."

"Oh, Lena," Kara breathed, and her heart ached. That's what the scars were from. That's why Lena was always so jumpy, why she shrunk away from people reflexively, why she hated herself for doing so. "Can you—are you going to be okay?"

"I'm fine." Now that she had confessed it, said the words out loud, she was afraid of the consequences. She didn't want to get her mother in trouble, her ties of loyalty were too strong even for that.

"Lena, from what you're telling me you're definitely not fine. I have to tell someone, you can't—"

"Sorry to bother you." Her voice sounded dead, even to her own ears, and Lena hung up on her friend. She wasn't surprised when, a second later, Kara called her back, but she ignored the call. Two more calls came and went, and she stared at the name _'Kara Danvers'_ until it went to voicemail. A notification popped up and she hit accept without really reading it.

_'Kara Danvers has requested to know your location.'_

_You weren't supposed to tell anyone. You were supposed to keep it to yourself, and now you've ruined everything._

* * *

based off a real conversation i had with my mother two days ago, hopefully people can't relate but i'm sure you guys can. Don't forget, no one is alone, and even if it's hard to say you should tell people what you're going through, they're there to help!


	11. Northern Downpour

"Where are you going?" Maggie reached an arm out and touched Alex's back. The other woman was bent over, digging in her purse, her phone interrupting their evening cuddling session.

Alex turned, kissing the cop's sleepy grin. "Where's Roscoe?" The domestic casual nature of the kiss warmed her chest, filling a spot that Sam had created in her, and she forgot about her phone for a moment, relishing the taste of Maggie in her mouth

"Sleeping. Like I was, until you woke me up." Maggie grinned. "Thanks for taking the chew toy out of his stomach."

"Your dog is as dumb as you are," Alex said against her lips. In her hand, the phone stopped ringing, then picked right back up.

With a groan, Maggie pushed her away. "Answer it," she said with a glance at the screen. "It's your sister."

Her face twisting with concern, Alex stood up, putting the phone to her ear. "Kara?"

"Hey, sis!"

Alex immediately narrowed her eyes at the hitch in Kara's voice. "What did you do." Maggie shot her accusing tone a sleepy look, lying on her back and stretching along the bed.

"What makes you think I did anything?" Kara said defensively, pacing back an forth.

"Kara."

Staring at the massive windows, the sounds of engines and a PA system all around, Kara hesitated. "I'm at the airport," she started, her feet pausing their frenetic pacing.

"Okay." Alex drew out the word, not sure what to say.

"I just got off the phone with Lena. She's, well, I think I should go see her. Should I go see her?"

Alex rolled her eyes. Kara always turned into a loved up schoolgirl when she talked about Lena—or worse, wouldn't shut up about how amazing she was. Something had happened on her birthday that her sister wouldn't tell her, but she had noticed the shift the day Kara came back from the city. "What are you trying to say?"

"You know how I drove out here with Mike?" Kara bit a nail, trying to psych herself up.

"Just tell me what you did," Alex sighed.

"I'm about to fly to New York city."

Alex nearly dropped the phone. "You hate planes," she said blankly. Kara didn't _fly._ She didn't voluntarily lock herself in a tin can for hours on end, forfeiting her carefully culled control and waiting for the plane to land.

"_Flight 2721 is boarding in ten minutes."_

"That's me!" Kara said with nervous excitement in her voice. Alex heard the trepidation in it and tried to think of something to say. "I'll call you when I land?"

"Kara, wait. I know you like—I know she's your best friend, but is this a good idea?"

"Not sure yet," Kara said nervously, walking towards the gate. Anxiety was coiling and uncoiling in her stomach and the fierce sense of justice that had urged her on to buying the ticket and driving to the airport—leaving Mike to drive back to the ski resort in a huff, thinking it was Alex that needed her to fly back—was dissipating the longer she watched planes take off through the window. "I'll call you if I need anything." She hung up, leaving Alex staring at Maggie, dumbfounded.

* * *

Lena had always been a light sleeper. Ever since being adopted by the Luthors, her sleep had been uneasy and broken, so she thought it was the rain, driving into the Victorian-style windows with the force of hail in the cold weather, that woke her up. It wasn't until the intercom buzzed again, forcing her into unwelcome consciousness, that she opened her eyes reluctantly.

She used to hate sleeping in her old room and the nightmares that came with it, but she had been dreaming of Kara. Dreaming of Kara, and that kiss. She had dreamt of it almost every night since it had happened, waking up frustrated and unsatisfied, her cheeks flushed at everything it implied.

Hitting the button that linked the mansion's intercom system, she stifled a groan. That was one of the things she liked about not living at home. Lillian rarely called and she didn't have to worry about her temper—the temper that would send her storming into Lena's room at 2, 3 in the morning, screaming her awake or buzzing the intercom to deliver her verbal abuse without leaving the comfort of her bedroom.

"Yes?"

"Lena. You weren't busy, were you?" Her mother's tone was snide, almost vindictive, and alarmed Lena enough that she got out of bed, expecting Lillian to be at her door with a conniving smirk on her face.

"No. What is it?"

"You have a...friend calling on you." Lillian said the word like she couldn't believe Lena had any friends. "She says she needs to talk to you."

_Who would call at such an odd time of night?_

"I'll call them back," she said warily.

Lillian's condescension oozed through the small speaker. "You're welcome to, but she's sitting here with me."

With her brow furrowed in confusion, Lena tried to think of who would be _at her home. _She had no idea who it could be, no idea who would know the location of the Luthor mansion.

"You said it was a friend?"

"Yes. I don't know why you're giving out our address like it's a country club," Lillian echoed her thoughts in a disparaging tone, "But she says she's here to see _you_."

"I didn't tell anyone..." Lena trailed off, remembering the 'yes' she'd seen on her phone right before crying herself to sleep. Kara must have sent Alex after her again, to check on her.

_This is getting embarrassing. Alex must be tired of running her sister's errands, and I'm sure mother is being her usual horrible self._

The next words over the intercom made her heart leap out of her chest.

"She says her name is Kara Danvers."

_What the fuck._

Lena threw a jumper over her nightgown and was running down the hall in a matter of minutes. Turning the corner at a dangerous speed, she skidded to a halt, her mind a blank.

Lillian sat in one of the family rooms dressed like she was going on a business trip, Kara sitting across from her. A butler stood behind them, dripping from going out to fetch Kara in the downpour. The blonde had a slightly nervous expression on her face but the smile that broke out when she caught sight of Lena brightened the entire room.

"Hey!" Kara waved at her like she wasn't soaking wet, like she hadn't miraculously shown up at her doorstep, like Lillian wasn't towering beside her like a grotesque gargoyle. "Just thought I'd drop by," she joked.

"What are you doing here?" Lena blurted out, her brain trying to catch up to what her eyes were telling her. Kara Danvers was in New York. Kara Danvers was sitting in the family room of the Luthor mansion. Kara Danvers was here to see _her. _It made her heart race more than it should've, the gloom and doom of the house melting away to make room for Kara's cheery personality.

"I was in the neighborhood," Kara grinned, oblivious to the sly look Lillian fixed on the side of her face. "Had a bit of a schedule mishap and your mother was kind enough to let me in."

All of Lena's attention was on Kara, but when she spoke, she addressed her mother.

"And why did you let her in?"

Lillian's simpering smile made her immediately suspicious. "Because, darling, she said she was a friend of yours. And anyone with such a nice taste in watches is a welcome guest in my home."

The watch glinting on Kara's wrist, shiny with rain, was the one Lena had gotten her. She had put it on when they'd gotten back to school, and as far as Lena knew, she hadn't taken it off.

Lillian knew exactly who had bought that watch. Lillian had insulted that watch.

"Your mom's been really nice," Kara said, smiling at Lillian's stone-faced expression. Lena felt like a fish out of water, no idea what to say, sensing the tide turning against her. Had Lillian already gotten her claws that deep into Kara?

"Where are your manners, Lena? Why don't you take Kara upstairs," Lillian suggested, her green eyes glinting. "Help her dry off, give her a change of clothes? Let me know if you need anything." She got up and left them alone, and still Lena didn't say anything.

Kara's smile wavered into uncertainty and after the door closed behind Lillian, she was up and reaching for Lena's arm. Her hands were wet and cold and Lena shivered, but not because of the temperature.

"Lena? Are you okay?"

A closer look at Kara showed that besides the rain water soaking her, she looked disheveled, like she had just run a marathon or gotten off a plane. Rivulets of water ran down the sides of her face and her hair was almost brown from the soaking it had taken, but she didn't seem to mind.

"Lena?"

With a surreptitious glance at the butler, who was no doubt acting as Lillian's eyes and ears, Lena took a definitive step back.

"You can leave your shoes and jacket by the door. Follow me, and please don't touch anything." She hated the way Kara's eyebrows crinkled at her standoffish tone, the tension in the air as she removed her soaked boots, shooting Lena concerned glances the other girl pretended not to see.

The plush carpet drunk up the water eagerly, and Lena winced out of habit. Not dirtying the carpet had been another lesson learned too harshly, at too young an age.

"Sorry!" Kara apologized with a sheepish smile. "I tried to stamp it out at the door, but it's pouring."

Lena shot the butler another glance and pursed her lips. "Just follow me," she said tersely, and Kara did so without asking any more questions.

It took all of her acting skills and all of her self-control to lead Kara through the mansion. Kara kept letting out little sighs that pulled at her heart, and she felt like Orpheus, leading his wife up from the underworld. If she turned around, maybe Kara would disappear and she would wake up alone in her bed with nothing but wishful thinking to keep her company.

She made it to her room and kept her eyes on the floor as Kara walked past her cautiously, holding her breath when the vanilla smell entered her room.

Kara couldn't believe that she was _here,_ in Lena's house, in her _room_. The legendary Luthor mansion. The plane ride there had been a nightmare, and she had taken Dramamine, but it didn't help much—her anxiety at being stuffed in the plane meant her nausea came back every half hour.

Then the tram to Roosevelt Island. She hadn't thought it through, that it was an _island,_ that she would somehow have to get across the water. When the tram had bumped along the cables, the dark water splashing visibly beneath her, she had had to shut her eyes and think of Lena on the other side to keep herself from breaking down. Thankfully, no one else was stupid enough to ride the tram at 3 in the morning, and she had stumbled out, gasping and on the verge of tears but with no one staring at her.

Lillian had been a shock as well. The way Lena described her and the very little Kara knew about her, she had almost expected a withered old woman, the evil witch from Snow White or a villain out of a movie. Lena's mother was cold and beautiful and elegant, and the moment she opened her mouth Kara knew where Lena got her formalities from. Still, she had welcomed her in through the gates the second Kara had told her her name, and she acted like she knew Kara.

Maybe Lena had told her mother about her. Maybe Lillian knew they were best friends.

No, that wasn't right. Lena had told her just last week that Lillian thought she had no friends at all.

Shaking her head, Kara set her backpack by the door and rubbed her arms, trying to warm up, and her lips twitched up in a grin when she took in the large bedroom.

Lena's room was messy and cluttered and filled with books. They cascaded in teetering piles along the side walls, some were propped open with other books, and a tower that was on the verge of collapsing stood by her bed. Nothing else was in the room _besides_ books that she could see, and she turned to say something to Lena about it but her friend had disappeared from the doorway.

Not sure what to do, Kara sat down on the floor and waited patiently for her to come back, waited for her to explain herself. She knew Lena well enough to know that her detached act was just that—an act. If Lena got tense just being in New York, being in her house must be even worse. Not that you could even call it a house. More like a castle. She tried to imagine Lena's childhood, growing up in an empty mansion with empty people and the thought made her heart hurt.

Lena had walked to her mother's room and was standing at her door, her hand raised, teeth worrying at her lip. She needed to talk to her mother, needed to make sure her secret was safe, but to do that she had to do something she hadn't done since she was five. She needed to go to Lillian's bedroom and knock on the door.

Three minutes passed and her arm was getting tired, but she still didn't knock, not until she thought of Kara, alone in her room. Her heart in her throat, she drew her hand back and did something she hadn't done in over a decade.

"It's open."

Lena stepped just inside the door. Lillian had clearly been waiting for her, sitting at her boudoir and staring at herself.

"Why did you let her in?" She couldn't explain her anger, just that she was beyond unprepared for Kara to meet her mother, to see how much Lena was like the woman who'd raised her.

Lillian assumed an innocent expression and stared at Lena in the mirror. "Well, darling, I thought you wanted to see her. You spend enough time with her at school, holding hands and sneaking around all day, not studying. I figured you must think she's worth your time."

Lena swallowed. Her mother was too close to the truth, she knew too much. Perhaps she already knew how Lena felt about the blonde girl waiting for her in her room. She tried to keep her voice even and not give herself away, but she suspected Lillian saw right through her. "Tell the truth. You never let me take friends to my room. What's your ploy?" When Lillian stood, Lena had to force herself not to flinch away and met her cold stare.

"Occam's razor, dear. Perhaps I simply wanted to help your friend get out of the rain. Now go tend to her, I'm sure she's waiting for you."

Lillian's smile didn't reach her eyes and Lena walked back to her room on unfeeling legs, absolutely positive that her mother knew she was _gay_.

That information in her mother's hands was damning. She could so easily burn Lena's world to the ground, turn her few acquaintances against her, out her to the entire world. Lena didn't even know if _she _was ready to accept that part of herself; she knew it would be easy to cling to the idea of loving men, the idea of marrying a man—as depressing as that was to her. They didn't excite her the way girls did, she didn't obsess over their personal lives, the details, like she did with girls.

Like she did with Kara.

"Lena! Hey, where'd you go?"

She had just walked past her room and Kara called out to her, standing quickly.

"You should shower. It's late, we can talk tomorrow." Lena wouldn't meet her gaze and Kara's features shifted into a frown.

"But I came to see—"

"Tomorrow, Kara. Please." She knew she couldn't handle this right now, Kara looking at her like she was a fragile doll, like she was worth attention and care and someone coming from _Colorado _to _New York _in one day. "There's the bathroom, I'll get you some clothes while you're in there."

Kara looked like she was about to argue, then she shivered and gave her a weak smile. "I guess that's not a bad idea."

Lena stared out the window as Kara took a hot shower, steam coming out of the open door. The pounding of the rain and the pounding of the shower was echoed in her chest; uneven, pattering beats that kept her eyes on the glass even as she heard Kara turn the water off and walk back into the bedroom. Closing the drapes, she didn't turn around until the other girl was in her pajamas, her hair washed and in a bun, and it was a mistake. It was just clean joggers and one of the only tee shirts she owned, but the sight of Kara in her clothes was so cute and so close to what Lena wanted, that she turned her back to the middle of the bed and pulled the covers up.

"Lena, what's going on with you? I know you fought with your mom, but I came all this way for you." As usual, Kara had no idea the effect her words were having on Lena. The bed dipped as she slid under the covers, reaching out to touch Lena's back.

It was so surreal, having Kara in her childhood bed. The bed had always seemed so big, and Lena had taken to curling up at the side so she couldn't feel the empty mattress around her, but she tried to put as much space between her and the blonde as she possibly could on the queen-sized mattress. She didn't answer Kara, trying to turn her brain off and worry about _all of this _tomorrow, but the brief contact sent shivers up her spine.

Kara had just closed her eyes and started to pull her hand away when the mattress shifted and she felt Lena's fingers wrap around her wrist.

"Don't," the brunette whispered hoarsely. "Don't give up on me."

Kara's heart leaped at the begging tone in Lena's voice. "What? I'm not giving up on you," she whispered. "You just said you wanted to sleep, so I was going to let—"

And just like that, they were kissing again.

Like the first time in the back of the car, Lena initiated it. She rolled over so her front was pressed against Kara's and their lips met, warm and sweet and slow. Kara's skin, still hot from the shower, burned through her nightgown and something bloomed in her chest. Something that Lillian had stamped out the day Lionel had walked her into this mansion at 4 years old, an orphan without really knowing it. The weeks of careful control between her and Kara didn't matter anymore, the 'friendship' they had kept up dissolved like ice under hot water as she kissed her.

Kara was so taken aback that she didn't respond at first, frozen in shock. A second later her muscles unlocked and she pushed forward, sliding a hand up Lena's side under the nightgown and onto the soft skin of her ribs. Lena tasted like salt and tears and she wiped the wetness from her cheek, whispering her name.

"Lena, it's okay. I'm here, Lena. I'm here now."

And just like each time before, the rest of the world disappeared. Her mother could've been standing over her bed, but with Kara's skin so close to hers, she wouldn't have cared. Kara, also, seemed to forget that she had told Lena not to chase her, that it was a mistake, that she had a boyfriend.

They fell asleep twisted together in the sheets, Kara's arms around her waist, her chest pressed against Lena's back.

* * *

"Rise and shine!"

Sunlight hit her like a truck and Lena was up and on her feet, her eyes wide with fear. Lillian almost never came in to wake her up, so there must be something wrong.

It wasn't her mother, but Kara, who was standing by the window and grinning ear to ear. The smile dropped from her face at Lena's frightened expression and she practically leaped forward, her hands stopping inches away from Lena's arm. "Are you okay?"

Lena blinked a few times, then gave her a halfhearted sort of smile. "I thought you were someone else."

Kara's expression darkened, her features shifting into an almost angry countenance. "Your mother." Despite the way Lillian had treated her the night before, she had decided she had very little respect for the woman. Anyone who was capable of cruelty towards someone like Lena didn't rank very high in her book. The way Lillian had spoken through the intercom, subtly degrading her daughter through casual conversation, wasn't something Kara wanted to associate with. She was already forming an escape plan, planning the best way to get Lena to spend the rest of the break at her house.

After a moment's hesitation, Lena nodded, her body relaxing. "Sorry," she breathed, sitting back down on the bed.

"You have nothing to apologize for," Kara insisted, joining her on the mattress. She put her arms around her friend and kissed her cheek, and started rubbing the knots out of Lena's shoulders. In the light of day, with a good night's sleep in her, everything was clear to Kara. Lena's mother was, without a doubt, abusive in every sense of the word, and it explained a lot of Lena's personality.

It had also awoken a quiet sort of rage somewhere deep inside her.

"You should spend the next week at my house," Kara suggested suddenly. "Do you think she'll let you? It's not as far as Aspen, and now that she knows who I am, maybe she'll be okay with it!" Her unbridled optimism was so at ends with the house that the walls seemed to groan, but it was just the wind.

Lena's head was spinning. Seemingly out of nowhere, Kara had shown up, met her mother, kissed her (well, _Lena_ had kissed _her_) and woken up in her bed. And now she was inviting her over, like it was all perfectly normal.

"I still can't believe you're here," Lena said softly, turning, her eyes meeting Kara's full on for the first time since last night. "What are you doing here?"

The crinkle formed between Kara's eyebrows even as she nudged Lena with a light shoulder. "I was worried about you, you dork." She said it like it was obvious, like Lena should've expected her to show up.

If she was being honest, she was relieved that Kara was there, but she had no idea what to do. She had resigned herself to a long vacation of Lillian's mocking and was counting down the days til she returned to school, but now Kara was _here_ and battering down the defenses she had spent the drive home building up.

"Kara, what are you doing here?" She said again with a hint of hysteria. "You were just in _Colorado,_ for crying out loud—"

The blonde's eyes sparkled. "Crying out loud?"

"It's not funny! You can't be here, this is insane, my mother will—"

She stopped talking abruptly at the glaze of anger that covered Kara's features. "Never mind. You should just go home, I'm sorry you cut your vacation short for this."

"Lena, come on." Kara curled her legs underneath her, making it clear she wasn't going to leave until Lena at least heard her out. "There's a few things we need to talk about, so don't run away again." She had that determined look in her eye, the one Lena recognized from when she tried to teach Kara chemistry and she couldn't grasp it, and would keep trying until they were both laughing out of frustration and had to take a break.

"Fine," she sighed, crossing her arms, ignoring the tightness in her chest. She didn't want to talk to Kara, not about the things Kara wanted to talk about.

"Okay. Okay," Kara started. "I know you and your mom fight a lot."

"Understatement of the year," Lena muttered.

"And I know the fights can get...ugly." She was skirting the topic, waiting for Lena to loosen up before she voiced her concerns—that someone had to report Lillian, that she needed to get out of the house.

Lena didn't say anything, her jaw flexing as she stared at a spot below Kara's chest.

"And I talked to your mom last night about it," Kara said quickly, taking Lena's silence as a green light. "She told me—"

"You what?" The words were harsh, barked out in a sudden explosion of irritation that caught Kara off guard.

"Yeah, she told me a little bit about why she sent you away. She...she told me you tried to kill yourself, Lena."

"That's not what happened," Lena refuted her immediately but her excuse sounded weak. "I wasn't—it was an accident." Shame burned through her and her voice cracked.

"Lee, she said you jumped off the Brooklyn bridge. You and I both know it wasn't an accident." Kara shook her head, apology in her eyes. "Look, I'm not here to drag up your past. Just, your mom said she sent you away to protect you, and honestly? I think it did."

Lena's throat felt suddenly dry and she swallowed, sitting on the edge of the mattress. She could hear a maid and butler moving around down the hall and no doubt Lillian was already awake. She hated her mother with a sudden, fierce passion that almost knocked her over—not for the years of belittling her, not for the years of locking her away and holding her at an arm's length, not even for the scars she had inflicted with a riding crop when Lena, in a fit of childish desperation, had tried to run away on horseback at the age of 8.

She hated her mother for trying to come between her and Kara, and apparently succeeding. Hated her for painting herself in a good light and Lena as a girl in need of guidance and a firm hand, sent away for her own good.

"So, you're on her side, then?" Lena said faintly, feeling her sanity start to slip away.

"God, no!" Kara was vehement, her hands moving in a frantic manner as she explained herself. "no, I'm not 'on her side', how could you even think that when you know I—how could you think that? I flew here to see you! I only meant it protected you from her."

Relief washed through her and she processed that Kara was, indeed, just here to help. "How was the flight?" The innocuous question was so out of place that Kara let out a startled laugh before answering, sensing that Lena was pulling away from the conversation.

"The flight was horrible. Not as bad as that tram though, holy _shit_. But I survived and I got to see you, so it's all good." She gave Lena a thumbs up and accidentally dove right back into their heavy conversation with her next question. "Why else do you think I suffered through that trip?"

"I don't know," Lena rolled her eyes, trying to lighten the mood. "I'm nothing special, I'm just..."

Kara's phone started ringing. Their eyes flicked to it as Kara hastily sent the call to voicemail.

"You _are _special, Lee. I know you have trouble seeing it, and I know you have trouble expressing your emotions, but I'm here for you. I—"

The phone started ringing again and Kara let out an annoyed grunt, checking the caller ID. She normally wasn't one to ignore calls, but Lena always took all her attention, to make sure she didn't overstep or say the wrong thing.

"It's Mike," Kara mumbled. "Can I just—"

"Go, go," Lena insisted, waving Kara to her bathroom. "I'll be here."

Looking her directly in the eye, Kara stayed in her spot on the bed and answered the call.

"Mike!" She said his name with fake enthusiasm, her eyes trained on Lena's face. "What's up, babe?"

"What's up? _What's up? _What the fuck is going on, Kara?" Lena could hear every word through the phone and Mike did not sound pleased.

"What do you mean?" Kara said innocently, shooting a careful glance at Lena.

"You said your sister needed you to come home."

"I called Alex at the airport," Kara dodged the question, playing with Lena's fingers on the duvet. The space between them closed as Lena inched closer, wanting to be nearer to Kara.

"Yeah, well I just called your house. Eliza said Alex was staying in the city and you weren't at home. What is your deal?"

"Calm down, Mike. I'm a big girl, I can handle myself."

"That's the problem. I know exactly how you _handle_ yourself," Mike argued, the sounds of cars coming through the phone. "Get out of the lane, jackass!" He honked the horn, his voice rising into a yell.

"Mike, call me when you're off the road." Kara's voice dropped in contrast, the concern she felt for him showing through even as Mike complained. Lena squeezed her hand tighter, biting her tongue at Mike's angry words.

"I'm not texting and driving, don't tell me what to do."

"I'm not telling you what to do, I'm just saying it's not a good idea to drive when you're distracted."

Mike honked the horn again. "Just because your dad was a shitty driver doesn't mean I am."

Kara blanched. Lena's stomach swooped then took a sickening swan dive, making her feel like someone had just torn out her insides. Kara stammered, but she had clearly lost her train of thought, and Lena's heart stopped in her chest.

"Mike, what...I don't..."

"Yeah, can you believe it took me 2 fuckin' years to find an article about my own girlfriend?"

"I—"

"What, Kara? What reason are you gonna give me for not telling me?"

Kara didn't say anything, just looked at Lena with wide eyes, and Lena ground her teeth together. She was a second away from hanging up the call for her friend, and her anger was building, slowly but surely.

"Who else have you told?" Mike said harshly. "Don't tell me you told the Luthor girl."

Kara wordlessly handed the phone to Lena, her mouth a thin line. It was apparent that she had never planned on telling Mike about her family, and didn't know what to say to him under his attack.

"What are you giving me this for?" Lena hissed, and Mike caught her voice over the speaker.

"Who is that? Is that Lena?!"

Lena cleared her throat and put the phone to her ear. "This is Lena Luthor, may I help you?" Her voice was flat, and she fell back on her mother's training.

"Fucking hell. What are you doing with _her?_"

"Not making her feel horrible," Lena said in complete seriousness. Kara's head perked up at her cold tone and her blue eyes were cloudy, which hurt Lena's heart. A car door slammed over the phone and Kara twitched, and Lena ran her fingers across her palm. The blonde was too focused on the sensation to listen to Mike or see Lena clenching her jaw, but the words building in her throat were screaming to be let out.

"I'm sure she told you, though I don't know why. Tell her I'm home and I'm waiting for her," Mike demanded, his breath huffing through the speaker.

With a crazed look in her eyes, Kara grabbed the phone out of Lena's hand. "I'm not coming over, Mike. I'm never coming over again. And I told Lena, because I love her."

She hung up the call and stared at the phone, feeling Lena's gaze boring into the side of her head. Their hands lay still, twined together on the bed, and neither of them were breathing. Lena tried to think of several things to say but her brain felt slow, lopsided, like a car with three wheels stuttering along the road.

_Because I love her._

She had only ever heard Kara say those words to her with any feeling behind them. Lillian often hinted at affection, but it was always to fuel her own ulterior motives, always for the wrong reasons. She changed schools so often, was such an outcast, that it was never worth starting a relationship—not that anyone wanted to be in one with _her—_so the situation never arose where anyone would have said it to her.

Kara, meanwhile, looked nervous, but not that surprised. As intentionally oblivious as she had been, even she'd had to admit when she woke up in Lena's bedroom that it was all a bit ridiculous, flying halfway across the country. She told herself she was just worried about Lena's well being, but in reality she was tired of Mike's crass humor and snide comments about her friends, her family, her sister. She slid her hand down Lena's cheek, along her jaw, and her breath caught at the look in Lena's eyes.

"Can I kiss you?" Her voice was hoarse, Mike already gone from her mind. The only thing she could think of was Lena, and her immediate urge to kiss her. "I really want to."

"But—you told me—"

Kara cut her off, and suddenly Lena was lying down, Kara's hair falling into her face and her hands on Lena's stomach. The pull that Lena had been feeling hadn't weakened with Kara's body pressing against hers, if anything, it got stronger. She pushed off the bed and Kara groaned, her mouth opening, and then _she _was straddling _Kara,_ feeling those rock-hard abs through her shirt, wondering how she could feel so full and so, devastatingly like a vacuum was sucking at her insides at the same time, and Kara's breath was mixing with hers—

"Well, well, well. What have we here?"

* * *

i know i've been horrible w updating, I'm busy at work! also just wanted to say i rly support chris, it's not his fault Mon-El's character had flaws, and I'm sorry i had to make mike the bad guy :/ but of course, it won't be a clean break up because then where would the angst be?


	12. You Need To Tell Someone

Lillian's voice was a horrible shock, and Lena jerked herself away from Kara, breathing hard.

"Mother. It's not..." Lena trailed off. It was exactly what it looked like. She refused to even flinch in Kara's direction, holding herself stock-still, her back straight.

"Ms. Luthor, this is my fault," Kara was apologizing frantically, clambering off her bed. "I asked Lena if she was okay with it, and I didn't wait for her answer. She didn't want this."

_Shut up! _Lena wanted to say. _You'll only make it worse for yourself!_

Lillian gave Kara a smile that didn't reach her eyes. "Lena seemed perfectly happy to take advantage of your...urges, then." She turned to go, not needing to say anything for Lena to know she had to follow.

Lena shot Kara a glance, and Kara felt her heart shatter at the resigned look in Lena's eyes. Something in the green eyes kept her from following the Luthors, something heavy that weighed on her chest, making her feel like the wind had been knocked out of here. More than anything, she was worried about Lena and what Lillian's reaction was going to be to catching them in bed.

The worry worked itself up into an anxiety, and she warred with herself for a long while until she couldn't handle it any longer and left the room, her socked feet silent on the plush carpet. She didn't know which way to go, and started wandering about, listening for signs of life.

* * *

Lena was panicking. She knew she could handle her mother's wrath, but Kara was a different story. Kara was loving, and gentle, and didn't know the pain of someone who was supposed to love you unconditionally hating you beyond words. Kara didn't deserve whatever Lillian was about to hit her with. Was she going to get her thrown out of school? Blackmail her? Or worse, was she going to scare her off, convince her—no, _show _her—that Lena wasn't worth her time?

Lillian stopped in front of a closed door and Lena, caught up in her thoughts, almost ran into her. Lillian gestured for her to go in, and Lena forced her feet to move through the doorway even as her brain screamed at her to turn and run, and her spine tingled when Lillian followed close behind. The uncertainty threatened to consume her but she kept her mouth shut, trying to calm her racing heart.

"I knew this would happen."

Lena's mind started whirring. Lillian seemed awfully calm, but that could change in an instant. "What do you mean?" she said timidly, keeping her eyes on the ground. Playing dumb had never helped in the past, but she was distracted by the thought of Kara. She licked her lips, tasting the warmth that had been there minutes before.

Lillian sighed, coming around to face her daughter, an empty smirk curving her lips. "I had wondered when this would happen. Hoped it wouldn't, perhaps, but always expected it. I saw you with her, following in her shadow, smiling behind your hair. Staring at her when you thought she wasn't looking. And I read about her. Popular girl, that Kara Danvers. You must have known she made advances on a trouble maker months ago. A _female _troublemaker."

"I don't see what that has to do with anything." Despite her arrogant words, Lena swallowed nervously, the lump in her throat threatening to choke her. It doesn't mean anything, her being close to Kara. She's trying to convince herself of that, when her mother clears her throat.

"We both know what I'm talking about, so don't make me say it. Turn around."

A sudden defiance gripped her and Lena clenched her jaw, hating the way Lillian looked at her like she didn't even know her.

"No. Say it."

"Excuse me?" The older woman was shocked, and seething. How dare her daughter disobey her? "I said _turn around._"

"I said no." Lena met the angry stare head-on, her heart racing in her chest. "I won't let you criticize me for something I can't help."

"I'm not criticizing you, I'm punishing you. You take and take—"

"You can keep your money to yourself!"

"You know I don't care about money. I care about time, and energy, and pride, all things you've sucked away from me since you came into this house a whining child! It must be your nature to be this much of a disgrace, or your birth mother's, because I certainly didn't raise you to be a failure," Lillian spat.

"You didn't raise me at all."

Lillian had viciously backhanded her across the face and she stumbled sideways, biting back a cry of pain and holding her cheek. Stars burst in her vision at the sheer _force_ of the hit—she didn't remember Lillian having that much strength the last time they'd fought.

Scrambling behind a large wooden table, Lena caught her breath. "Mother, wait," she begged, inching for the door.

"Your brother was the genius of this family, not you! _Not you!_"

Lena barely had time to duck the paperweight Lillian hurled at her and it hit the wall behind her, bits of plaster raining down onto the carpet.

"Turn around, you coward!" The next thing that sailed through the air wasn't as lucky, and the vase shattered against the wall. Lena flinched at the sound of breaking pottery, and her mother took the opportunity to lunge across the table. She dug her fingers under Lena's collarbone, her thumb pressing uncomfortably into her windpipe. Lillian half-dragged her to the middle of the room and both of them were screaming terrible, awful things at each other. Only the fear of what Lillian might do to Kara kept Lena waiting for the blow, tears forming in her eyes as Lillian's belt clinked, the fashionable, thin leather accessory turning into a weapon in her mother's hands.

Fear crept up Lena's spine, anticipation drying her mouth and knotting her stomach. She tried to fight the panic clawing its way up her throat but the whistling in the air and the snap of the belt echoed in her ears.

A split second later the pain hit, a flame that seared the skin of her back and sent her to her knees, biting down hard on her bottom lip.

"I sent you away and you got _worse!_ And you try to _blame me!_" Lillian seethed, bringing her arm back again. She had been unstable ever since Lex was arrested, on edge, and Lena had done nothing to help that. In fact, her daughter seemed to be rubbing in her face that Lex was locked away and she wasn't going to stand for it—not in her house.

The second strike made Lena scream, the thing nightgown doing nothing to protect her back. Lillian was yelling as she pulled her arm back a third time, the words blurry through the pain; how she was worthless and going to amount for nothing, and a blemish on the Luthor name, how she was never going to contribute anything to society.

"And to make matters worse, I find you with a _girl?! _Do you really hate me that much, that you would defy me by having relations with a _girl?!"_

Lena squeezed her eyes shut and the tears dripped down her cheeks.

* * *

Kara was pretty sure she was lost. She was trying handle after handle as she walked down the hall, whispering, "Lena!" at each locked door. It wasn't until she heard yelling that she turned down a side passage she nearly missed and started walking towards the door with a mix of trepidation and anxiety. She was alarmed at the volume of the argument she was hearing and carefully inched the door open until a scream drew her forwards, pushing her way into the room without caring how much noise she made.

Lillian stood with her back to the door, her arm raised like an avenging angel. But there was nothing angelic about it when she slashed in a down on her daughter's back, eliciting another scream that rattled Kara badly enough that she felt tears well up in her eyes. She darted forward and shoved her body in the space between Lillian and Lena, grabbing the older woman's arm.

"What the hell are you doing?" She blurted out the question, trying to conceal her shock. The anger that followed was harder to hide, making her blue eyes hard and cold.

Lillian towered over her, a savage sort of destruction gleaming in her eyes. "You should leave," she snarled. "This is none of your business."

"Lena's my friend. This is my business," Kara insisted. "Especially if you're going to hit her."

"Lena is an absolute disgrace and she'll be treated as such," Lillian spat, trying to yank her arm out of Kara's iron grip. The blonde held on, certain that if she let go Lillian would strike her daughter again, and she couldn't bear to see that.

"I think you're the disgrace here," Kara supplied bitterly, ripping the belt from Lillian's hands. She could hear Lena behind her, still sobbing and trying to collect herself.

A horrible mix of disgust and anger twisted Lillian's features and she narrowed her eyes. "Get out of my house," she hissed. Stepping away, she eyed Lena like she was a piece of trash on the side of the road. "We have a dinner at 8. Be ready by then." With an air of finality, like it was her who decided the thrashing was over and not Kara, she turned on her heel and left the room.

Kara dropped to her knees, her hands automatically going to Lena's face.

"Oh my god, oh my god! Are you okay? Of course you're not okay, I'm so sorry. Come on, I'll take you back to the room, you're gonna be fine. I'll take care of you."

She was rambling, wracking her brain for something to say that would comfort Lena, but her friend was crying uncontrollably and the screams she had let out not a minute before echoed in Kara's ears with a horrible clarity. She got the feeling that Lena wasn't all there, her green eyes shiny with tears but empty of any emotion but pain, and as she helped her down the hall back to her room, she scrambled to put a plan together.

No matter what, she was going to get Lena out of here. Tonight.

When she sat Lena down on the edge of the bed, the other girl winced as the duvet brushed her back, her face screwing up in pain.

Shame turned Lena's cheeks red and she turned away from Kara's gaze, wishing she could break down on her own. But Kara was there, somehow, and she was watching her fall apart.

"Let me see. Lena, let me see," Kara pleaded, kissing Lena's forehead until the other girl gave a tight nod. She stretched out on the bed and the nightgown slipped off easily, and Kara sucked in a breath at the three angry-looking, bright red welts that crisscrossed Lena's back.

"Jesus, Lena," she breathed, a little lost. Rushing to the bathroom, she soaked a face towel in cold water and wrung it out, her brain in overdrive.

Lena flinched when the cloth touched her back and she gripped Kara's hand to stop herself from crying out.

"I know it hurts, Lee. I know. But this will help, I promise," Kara soothed, draping it lightly over Lena's back. "Do you have a suitcase?"

Lena seemed incapable of speaking, so Kara rummaged through her closet to find a matching set of a luggage bag and an overnight, both of which she started filling in a frantic whirlwind, shooting out random comments to an unresponsive Lena as she opened drawers and rifled through the closet. She started to throw clothes in the bags; shirts, pants, jumpers, essentials. The last thing she grabbed was Lena's toothbrush and a few random books, and in less than an hour both bags were bursting at the seams

Putting her hands on her hips, Kara blew a loose hair out of her face. "Alright, I'm done."

No answer.

"Lena, come on. You gotta get up."

A small shake of her head was all the response Kara got, and the blonde sat on the edge of the mattress.

"What do you need?" Kara asked softly, touching Lena's arm with her hand.

"You should go," came the muffled response from the pillow.

"That's what I'm trying to do, I just packed for you—"

"Without me."

Kara's eyes widened. She had never seen Lena this disconnected and it was terribly worrying, but her suggestion that Kara _leave her behind_ completely baffled the blonde. It didn't make sense to her. "Lee, I just watched your mother _hit you._ You're coming with me and I'm calling the police."

"No!" Lena's forceful objection took them both by surprise and Kara leaned back, not understanding. She felt like she was missing something, something that she couldn't see without Lena explaining it to her but no such explanation was forthcoming.

Bristling with anger at Lillian Luthor, Kara blinked. "You're coming with me," she repeated, standing up, "And I'm going to report her. She just _whipped you,_ Lena. You need to tell someone."

"I'm not telling anyone anything," Lena insisted, the towel falling onto the bed as she sat up. The defiance in her eyes caught Kara off guard, because it was directed at _her._ "I don't want her getting in trouble. Please, just leave me alone." Her eyes were still empty and the resigned look from before hadn't left them, ringing them with grey and blue.

"No. No, I'm not leaving you here. Please just come with me," Kara begged, leaning over Lena and putting her hands on her shoulders. "You'll be safe with me. Don't you think you deserve that?"

Lena answered the rhetorical question with a blunt "No," shaking her head. She was about to tell Kara to leave off it, go back to Aspen and forget about her, but then Kara was kissing her and both of them were crying and the next thing Lena knew they were outside the front door and James was pulling up in a black car.

"You called, Ms. Luthor?"

"Actually, that was me." Kara stuck her hand out and James shook it with a lopsided smile. "Kara Danvers."

"I recognize you," James grinned. "Only this time you aren't hammered."

"Ah, yeah. Anyways...I need to borrow this car."

James raised an eyebrow, taking in the scene. Lena, standing behind Kara with two full suitcases, clear signs of crying on her face, and Kara, asking him for a getaway car. "I can't let you do that."

"Lena, tell him—"

"I can't let you do that, because then Lillian Luthor could have you arrested for grand theft auto," he clarified. "If I go with you, I can just say I dropped Ms. Luthor off and didn't know when she was returning."

Kara considered for a moment then turned to Lena. He watched her touch her on the arm and whisper something in her ear, and Lena got a sad look in her eyes that he tried not to read into. The brunette nodded once, then Kara kissed her on the cheek and turned back to him.

"I guess you're coming with us. I'm driving."

* * *

"I don't know, sweetie, they're upstairs right now. How's Maggie? How's New York? I'm glad you moved out, but I miss you."

"Maggie's good, the city's good." Alex frowned, absentmindedly scratching Roscoe behind the ears. He was sitting under the dining room table and Maggie kept throwing him chunks of tempura. "Quit it, you're going to give him diarrhea."

"What?"

"Nothing. Maggie's ignoring my advice, as per usual," Alex explained as Maggie stuck her tongue out, tossing her dog an entire slice of eggplant. "So what are you going to do?'

"Not sure. Kara says that Lena is pretty adamant about not reporting it, but I feel like I have to. What would you do?" Eliza kept her voice down, shooting the stairs a wary look.

"You're asking _me _for advice? My my, how the turn tables. But seriously," Alex continued, chewing on a mouthful of tempura, "I think you should wait. Sounds like Lena's already been through a lot, and you don't want to put her through another ordeal—especially not against the Luthors. They're a powerful family, and who knows what they could do to you."

"I just don't like the idea of that woman getting away with it," Eliza fretted. The timer dinged and she opened the oven.

"Are you grief baking?"

"I'm stress baking," Eliza said defensively, blowing on her muffins. "I swear, your sister will be the death of me. Every time she shows up with that girl I have to bite my tongue, because clearly she's in love with her. That, and the world always seems to be ending."

"Yeah, no kidding. I bet you wish it was the good old days, when all you had to do was post my bail for the B and E's I racked up."

"Now _that,_ I do not miss." Eliza grinned and turned the oven off, mixing the leftover batter. "I'll let you get back to dinner. Tell Maggie I said hi."

Upstairs, Kara was watching Lena carefully. The brunette had been in a daze since they'd left New York, staring aimlessly out the car window the entire way to Kara's house. James had asked a few questions but eventually even he'd given up conversation, falling asleep in the backseat, and Kara had spent the entire drive worrying about Lena. When they'd gotten to her house, Eliza had welcomed them with open arms and a concerned look when Lena just walked up the stairs without saying anything. Lying down on Kara's bed, she faced the wall and curled up and went to sleep.

Or at least, Kara thought she was asleep. Her eyes were closed and her breathing had slowed, but her mind was in turmoil. Anxiety made her chest tight at the thought of what Lillian would do when 8 o'clock rolled around and she wasn't there to go to dinner—it was a little after noon, and that meant several more hours of gut-wrenching worrying. She was so caught up in her thoughts she didn't hear Kara leave the room and go downstairs, trying to keep her stomach from turning at the thought of what Lillian would do.

"How is she?" Eliza asked in a quiet voice when Kara padded into the kitchen.

Kara's frazzled explanation had left a lot to be desired, but now she took the time to sit down and recount her trip from Aspen to New York.

"I thought she was going to do something stupid, mom. I had to go," Kara said, trying to convince herself. "And then Mike broke up with me—or I broke up with him—and she was there, and I just kissed her! How was I supposed to know her mother would see, that her mother would..." She trailed off, the electricity that always buzzed in her veins when she talked about Lena returning.

"You like her, don't you."

"It's my fault her mother did this, that she's upstairs tearing herself apart."

Eliza shook her head. "It is not your fault. Lillian Luthor is a bully and a bad person, and you can't blame yourself for someone else's decisions. And Lena will wake up and you can talk it through and decide what to do next. I'm just glad I raised a woman who can help her friends when they need it."

Kara gave her a wan smile, biting into a muffing. "You don't know her, mom. She hates herself right now. I'm not sure why, but I saw the look in her eyes." It was like hitting a brick wall with nothing but her fists, trying to get to the root of Lena's self-hatred, but god damn it, Kara was going to break down the wall even if she had to break her own hands in the process. "Can you take a look at her back, if she lets you?"

"Of course, honey. Just warning you, Mike's been calling the house. I wasn't sure what was going on, but I told him you'd call back—I figured you two had just had another fight."

"I'm not calling him back, mom. I don't love him anymore, I love—"

"Her." Eliza gave her a knowing look.

Kara swallowed. She had known for weeks, months, that it was Lena she thought about when she was falling asleep, Lena that she wanted to tell about her day, but saying it out loud always seemed scary, like it was the tipping point of something and she didn't want to set the ball rolling.

"I'm going to bring her a muffin."

"Okay. Let me know what you decide." Always understanding, Eliza blew her daughter a kiss and watched her disappear up the stairs with a motherly expression.

Taking a deep breath outside her door, Kara tried to fight the feeling like she had done something wrong. It wasn't her, it was Lillian. Lillian, who had beaten her daughter without caring that they had an audience. Lillian, who expected her daughter to stay even after all that. Lillian, who had raised Lena in such a way that it had taken far too much convincing to get Lena to leave a house she wasn't safe in, from her own mother.

She opened the door. "Lena? If you're awake, there's some lunch downstairs," she whispered.

"I wasn't asleep," came the hoarse reply.

"Oh. Okay. Well, I lied, there isn't lunch but there's muffins. And my mom says you can stay as long as you need." Kara sat down on Alex's bed. It was stripped of its familiar blue sheets and all the posters were gone; Alex had taken them with her when she'd moved in with Maggie. "I think I'll sleep in Alex's bed," she mumbled, nibbling at her muffin with a disinterested air.

Lena sat up gingerly, raising an eyebrow. "Why wouldn't you just sleep in your own bed?"

"Because you'd be sleeping in it." Kara looked confused, like they had already agreed on it and Lena was changing the plan on her. "We'll report your mom, and I told you, you can stay here as long as you like. For the rest of the break." It was frightening, how much she wanted Lena to accept the offer, but she waited for the other girl to nod slowly.

No nod came. Instead, Lena hugged her arms to her chest, rocking back and forth slightly. When she seemed to realize Kara was waiting for an answer, she swallowed and seemed to think about it, but her answer didn't change.

"You can't say anything. Not to anyone, about my mother."

"Lena. I know it's hard, but—"

"Really? You know? What do you know, Kara? Do you know how it feels, to have your mother rather beat and drug you into submission than have an actual conversation? Do you know how it feels to think your brother is a guardian angel but instead, he's a monster?" Lena took a deep breath and Kara watched her gather her thoughts before steamrolling on. "Do you know how it feels to have someone come to you because they think they can trust you, and tell you something about your brother, and you dismiss them? And then, a week later, you see on the news that they've hung themselves? Tell me, Kara, are those all things you're familiar with?"

The silence grew until Kara couldn't bear it, and then she felt exhilarated and frustrated all at once because Lena still couldn't see herself how Kara saw her.

"No, I'm not familiar with that. But I want to be. I know it's not fair, springing this on you at a time like this, but I really do care about you. I want to get to know you, I want you to be able to talk to me about—about all those things. I want to be the person you call at the end of the day so you can tell me about your day." When she finished her small speech, she held her breath, watching Lena's face morph from denial into disbelief, and her heart twinged. Even after everything, Lena still didn't believe she was worth anything, and it was so sad and cute and _annoying _that Kara blew out a breath and ran her hands through her hair with an angry huff.

"God dammit, Lena. I _am in love with you._"

_I am in love with you._

Lena inhaled sharply and fidgeted with the edge of Kara's blanket, forgetting about the stinging on her back in the heat of the moment. No one had ever said that to her before, not with the hushed sincerity that Kara had in her voice.

"I don't think that's a good idea," she got out, looking around nervously. It was like she expected Lillian to pop up out of nowhere and hit her again, and she shrunk back from Kara's hand.

"Lena, please. You have to know you aren't worthless. I can see it on your face that you think I'm wrong, but I'm not. You're smart, and funny, and amazing, and anyone would be lucky to be your friend. Your mother...she's not a good person. And I'm sorry that you were raised by her, because you deserved so much more."

Lena looked like she was about to bolt for the door, and Kara stood in the doorway, blocking her exit. "Hear me out," she pleaded, holding her arms out. With the wary look of a cornered animal, Lena uncrossed her legs and nodded for her to continue.

"I've been thinking about you for months, Lena. I can't keep telling myself that I'm happy with Mike, and that's why I ended it with him. Not because I got caught up, not because I thought it would convince you to—because I care about you. And I'm not saying this now to convince you to do anything, though god knows I know what I want. And that's you."

Lena was shaking her head but at Kara's words the movement slowed until she was watching her, rapt with attention, clinging to every word like she would never hear it again. And Kara was determined for that not to be the case.

"If you don't want to report your mother, fine. I don't care. As long as you're safe, whether that's here in my house or staying at school, it's fine with me. I care about you too much to watch you get hurt, but I understand if you don't want to go against your mother."

A knock at the door made both their heads whip around to see Eliza standing there, the house phone in her hand.

"It's..." She looked shocked, like the phone was a live wire in her palm and she couldn't think straight. "Lillian Luthor is on the phone for you."

Lena got up from the bed, holding her hand out. "I'll talk to her."

"Not you." Eliza's hand swung from Lena to Kara. "She says she wants to talk to you."

* * *

sorry it took so long to update! I keep starting new stories, and then i got the flu :( I'm trying to wrap this one up but i don't want it to be too abrupt. Genuine question, is it better to report child abuse or no, if it directly affects the person being abused (in a bad way, if it doesn't go the way you hope?)


	13. How Did I Get Myself Into This?

Kara reached for the phone but Eliza swung it out of reach. With a confused look, the blonde held her hand out, the cold fury reawakening itself at the thought of Lillian trying to reach her daughter and using _Kara _to do it.

"Mom, what are you doing?" Kara hissed, trying to grab the phone again.

Eliza shot her a look. "It's muted. I don't think you should talk to her, honey."

"I should definitely talk to her. I have _words _for Lillian Luthor and I intend to say them."

"That's exactly why I don't think you should talk to her," Eliza said pointedly.

"If you think I'm going to sit back and let her treat Lena like that, then you—"

"Enough."

It was a single word, quietly spoken in Lena's low voice. As if in a dream, Lena saw herself take the phone out of Eliza's hand and stare at the caller ID.

_Unknown number._

Wordlessly, she hung up the phone. Kara made a small sputtering sound and she was aware that Eliza was saying something, but she straightened her spine and gave the phone back.

"No one is talking to her. I don't want anything to happen to my mother," Lena said in a firm voice, "And I'm not going to repeat myself. I'm tired of courtrooms and lawyers and a scandal like this will only bring on more stress."

"Lena, I really think—"

"Please, Kara." Lena kept her eyes on Eliza. If she had turned, she would have seen Kara on the verge of tears, her blue eyes wide and pleading. She could live with hating herself more than she could live with denying Kara, when she clearly had Lena's best interests at heart.

Something passed between Eliza and Lena, and then Eliza was putting her hand on her daughter's shoulder and giving her a small smile. "Honey, could you go down and start the next batch of muffins?" It was a clear dismissal.

"But..." Kara fell silent at the look on her mom's face. Glancing between her and Lena, she took a deep breath and shook her head angrily. "Fine. I'll be downstairs."

When Kara's footsteps faded away, Eliza closed the bedroom door. "I'm sorry," she said after a time. "Kara's always been a bit headstrong."

The corner of Lena's mouth twitched up in a smile. "It's one of the things I love about her."

"Sometimes it can be annoying," Eliza said lightly, waiting for Lena to speak her mind.

"Yes," Lena said uncertainly. "I just wish she'd drop this thing with my mother. I'm..." She sat on the bed, putting her head in her hands. "I'm just tired," she admitted. "I know, logically, that what my mother did was...wrong. But that's how I was raised. I knew I was breaking the rules, so it's not like it was something unexpected." She shifted on Kara's mattress, smiling sadly at the penguin sheets.

"Being true to who you are is not breaking any rules." Eliza took a seat next to Lena and her voice was gentle. "I think you should know, I have half a mind to call someone myself. I don't think it's right, what your mother's been doing to you for years. But I'm not going to," she said hastily as Lena turned a frightened look on her. "I won't, I promise. I think that's a decision you need to make yourself."

"Thank you," Lena said genuinely. Her mind strayed to her mother, all alone in the Luthor mansion, and she bit her lip.

Mistaking it for a sign of pain, Eliza's eyes widened. "Would you mind if I took a look at your back? From what Kara said, I think I could help you."

"No I—." At the earnest expression on Eliza's face, Lena found herself slowly, reluctantly opening up. "Maybe," she gave in. "It stings," she admitted, staring down at her feet in shame.

"I have something for that," the older woman said easily. "Give me a moment." She patted Lena's knee and kissed her forehead, disappearing out of the room. When she returned a few minutes later she had a small bag in her hands.

Lena shied away from her and Eliza held her hands out, setting the bag down on the bed. "It's okay. We can go at your pace," she said quietly. Clearly, she knew what she was doing, and Lena took a deep breath. Maybe it wasn't so bad, being taken care of. Not that she would know.

She turned away and her fingers grasped the hem of her shirt. She tugged it over her head slowly, remembering the night Kara had burst into her dorm room, ripping her shirt of in front of Lena's disbelieving eyes. Since then, she'd seen a lot more of Kara without a shirt on, and now she knew better than to think it was coincidence.

Her arms crossed over her chest self-consciously and Eliza sat down on the bed behind her. "I'm sure Kara has a bra you can borrow when we're done," the older woman said, inspecting the three, long red marks on Lena's back.

Despite herself, Lena laughed quietly. "I don't think any bra of Kara's is going to fit me."

"You're probably right," Eliza chuckled. Lena heard the snap of rubber gloves and her shoulders jumped up, but she forced them down, inhaling deeply.

"I'm sorry," she muttered. "I just...I'm not used to people seeing..."

"That's alright," Eliza soothed.

"And Kara has a target on her back now, since she's the one who stopped my mother from...I just can't believe she was there," Lena rambled, trying not to flinch as Eliza wiped her back with an alcohol swab. Lillian's whipping hadn't made her bleed—this time—but the skin had broken and it stung.

"Don't worry about Kara, she can handle herself." Even as she said it, Eliza worried about her daughter. Kara always tended to rush into situations, thinking with her heart and not her head. She had broken up with Mike after two years of dating, and while Eliza was glad her daughter was with someone that made her happy, it seemed like there was a better way to go about it.

They both fell silent while she smeared some antibiotic ointment down the length of the marks. Behind Lena's back, Eliza felt tears well up in her eyes at the sight of old scars and she tried to be as gentle as possible. Not only had Lena been abused for god knew how long, it had been her mother who wielded the weapons, and it made her heart hurt.

"Okay, you're all cleaned up." Her voice shook slightly and she smiled to cover it up when Lena glanced back at her. "I'm going to put a numbing cream on, then cover it up with gauze, alright?"

Lena nodded gratefully, gasping when the cool gel touched her skin. By the time Eliza taped the bandages in place, her back was pleasantly warm and numb, and she barely felt Kara's t-shirt as she slipped it over her head. The sheer exhaustion, emotional and physical, of the last 24 hours, was catching up to her.

Eliza seemed to sense it, pulling back Kara's sheets. "I can tell Kara to stay downstairs, if you like." She seemed to take it for granted that Lena was staying, and the girl hesitated.

"I should be getting home soon, there's a dinner I said I'd go to tonight." Her voice was meek, the words forced out of her.

Her expression had been gentle the entire time she was taking care of Lena, but now Eliza's lips pursed into a thin line and her eyes hardened. "I can't let you do that," she said, almost apologetically.

"But I—"

"I'm sorry, Lena." She shook her head. "I understand you're in a difficult situation and you feel you have to go back. But I can't in good conscience let you go home if you're going to be in danger."

"I'm not—" Lena swallowed, the words sticking in her throat. "I'm not in danger."

"I think the best course of action is to let your mother cool off, call her in a few hours or maybe tomorrow—"

Lena's eyes were wide with fear, the whites of her eyes showing. "_No!_" She lowered her voice at the look of alarm Eliza shot her, certain that Kara's steps on the stairs would be quick to follow. "No. You don't understand, my mother doesn't _cool off,_ it's not an option that I'm not there for the dinner—"

"I'm sure she'll understand," Eliza soothed, packing up her bag.

"No," Lena said again, vehemently, her voice rising. "She won't. You don't know her, I _have _to be there or she'll—"

"I'm sorry," Eliza said firmly. "I've done my best. If you like, I'll drive you over myself, tomorrow. But right now you need to rest. Doctor's orders."

Lena was panicking, anxiety coiling like a snake and settling in her stomach. "I can't, I have to get there. Where are my things, where's my bag?" She looked around frantically for her purse, not even sure she had enough money to pay a cab to take her all the way to New York. "I need to get back, I—"

Her voice died in her throat. Kara had opened the door to see what the commotion was, and the concern in her eyes pulled at Lena's heart even as her breathing picked up, stress flowing through her and tightening her muscles.

"What's wrong? What did you say to her?" Kara rushed over, carefully placing a steaming mug on the nightstand and kneeling by Lena, all blue-eyed and concerned, and Lena appealed to her better nature.

"I need you to help me," she begged, not looking at Eliza.

"Of course," Kara said readily, her hands resting on Lena's legs. They were warm and comforting, and quelled the nervous energy that was emanating through her body somehow, like Kara was sucking the anxiety out of her chest and taking it on as her own simply by touching her.

Now came the hard part. "I need you to take me home."

She expected Kara to jerk away, to be offended that Lena wasn't going to take her up on her offer of staying the night—or nights—but Kara didn't do either of those things. Instead, she turned to look at Eliza and something passed between the two of them that Lena couldn't understand. Lena, with all her training of how to manipulate and read peoples' expressions, couldn't decipher the look in Kara's eyes.

"I'll take you," Kara said in a low voice, turning away from her mother.

"Oh, thank god," Lena huffed, her shoulders sinking down.

"Kara," Eliza warned. "I don't think—"

"I'll take you, but you have to do something for me." Kara's eyes sparkled and Lena raised an eyebrow, agreeing hesitantly.

"Anything."

Kara broke into a grin. "Drink this cup of tea and finish my muffin."

Lena sighed in relief, reaching for the mug. She gulped it down, practically burning her tongue in the process, and almost swallowed the half-muffin whole. "Now can we go?" she asked, chewing.

Kara rolled her eyes. "We're not gonna be late. Don't choke, and lie down for a second."

"No, we gotta go—"

"Mom, can you give us a second?"

Eliza narrowed her eyes at her daughter but left the room without protest, shooting Lena one last concerned glance. "I hope you know what you're doing."

The wink that Kara gave her was enough to make her wonder.

"Now." Kara turned back to her friend. "Lie down. We're taking a nap, because I'm tired and I need sleep if I'm going to drive you back tonight."

"Are you absolutely sure you can get us back in time?"

Kara nodded resolutely, sliding under her blankets behind Lena and patting the empty mattress. "Come cuddle."

"Set an alarm on your phone," Lena demanded, still not convinced.

Rolling her eyes, Kara handed her the phone. "You set it. Then come take a nap, or I'll drug you." She faced the wall, stripping down to a tee shirt and her underwear. It was an unspoken thing between them, after however few nights they'd spent together.

Lena set the alarm a half hour earlier than necessary and matched her wardrobe to Kara's, finally lying down. "I shouldn't have hung up on her," she mused.

"Shh." Kara was already half asleep and she pulled Lena closer, her arms wrapping around the brunette's torso. Her breath hit the back of Lena's neck and she shivered. "Are you cold?"

"I'm always cold," Lena said halfheartedly. She almost laughed when, a second later, Kara's tee shirt flew from behind her to land on Alex's bed and the other girl pressed her bare torso to Lena's back, the heat of it immediately warming her as effectively as a electric blanket. "Jesus, Kara, your mother is here," she hissed, but she enjoyed the warmth.

"Hm." The noncommittal grunt she got in response told her that Kara didn't care, and a few minutes later Lena felt her own eyes slipping shut. The heat coming off of Kara's skin, the familiar scent of vanilla and shampoo, the quiet snores; it was putting her to sleep and she breathed in deep before succumbing to the darkness.

* * *

When she jerked awake, she knew without a doubt that she had slept through the alarm.

She also knew that Kara was no longer sleeping behind her. Just to check, she reached an arm back, but wasn't surprised when it met nothing but air.

_Shit. _

Scrambling out of bed and into the first pair of sweatpants she saw, she almost ran into the door on her way downstairs.

"What time is it?" She was out of breath by the time she reached the kitchen.

Kara turned, one of the last muffins in her hand. "Almost eight," she said nonchalantly. "That Benadryl really knocked you out, huh."

"Eight?! I—Wait, what?" Lena stared at her in disbelief. "You actually _did _drug me?"

Kara shrugged. "I made you some pasta," she said, pointing at a pot on the stove top.

"Kara, what—" Searching desperately for a clock, her heart skipped a beat.

_7:50_

"I also have sauce." The blonde held up a bottle of Ragu casually, as though Lena wasn't freaking out a few feet away.

"Kara! I told you, I _told you!_ I have to be at a dinner right now! Your mother didn't want me to go, but I thought you would at least—"

"At least what, Lee?" Kara stood up, setting the bottle of tomato sauce down with an angry thud. "Did you seriously think I would take you back there? You don't know me very well if you did."

"I hoped you would," Lena whispered, frozen in place. Should she try to rush to the city, buy a dress on the way there? There was no way she could miss this dinner. She couldn't even remember what it was for, all she could think about were the few times in her life when she hadn't shown up when expected, and what her mother had done afterwards.

"Lena, sit down," Kara said, exasperated. "Have some dinner. Accept the fact that you are never going to make it on time."

"No, I can't, I—maybe if I—"

"What? Walk? Run? Fly?" Kara snorted. "Did that Benadryl make you hallucinate, too?"

For a long second, Lena met her friend's gaze, her heart thudding painfully in her chest.

"You let me down," she said in a hoarse voice, sounding surprised to hear the words apply to Kara. "You let me down," she repeated emptily. "You're just like everyone else."

Without another word, she turned on her heel and walked out of the room.

_That was stupid,_ she thought as she reached the foot of the stairs. She didn't really have anywhere else to go, and even as it was settling it she knew she wasn't going to make it to the dinner. Her imagination was running wild, inventing new and colorful punishments that Lillian would have waiting for her when she returned to the Luthor mansion.

Slowly making her way upstairs, her legs felt ten times heavier and the sheer helplessness of the situation brought tears to her eyes.

_How did I get myself into this?_

Footsteps coming up the stairs behind her made her heart clench and she slowed, waiting for Kara to get within earshot.

"Leave me alone, Kara," she said quietly.

Kara ignored her. "I'm really sorry. But there was nothing you could've done, Lee," she said softly.

"Yes, there was! I could've stayed at home, I could've not gone on some wild runaway with you." Letting out a sharp breath, she shook her head. "Just leave me alone."

Kara reached out and took her hand, pulling her up the last step. "I know that's your way of asking me to stay," she said confidently, "so I'm gonna stay. Eliza's gone in your place and you'll just have to deal with it." She kissed Lena's forehead but the brunette was too shocked to respond.

"What?"

"Yeah. My mom went over to talk to your mom." Kara pushed her door open with a foot and Lena let her pull her back down onto the bed, too exhausted to fight it. They sat with their backs to the wall, Lena's head against her shoulder.

"Imagine that." Letting out a bleak laugh, Lena shuffled around as Kara pulled her duvet around them. Always careful, Kara maneuvered it so her friend didn't have to move.

"I know you're afraid," Kara said earnestly, fumbling for the right words. "I know that your mom doesn't seem to care about you and that you don't know what to do right now, but I'm here. I'm not going anywhere."

"My mother does care," Lena whispered in the dark, "but the only emotion she's capable of expressing is anger. She wants me to do better? She yells. She feels bad for me? We fight. She wanted me to have a...normal life..."

"And she hits you," Kara finished for her, the words standing out against the inky darkness of her room.

"I just don't want to end up like her."

"You won't," Kara insisted, kissing her lightly. "You are nothing like your mother. Everything is going to be okay. You'll see."

The kiss deepened and Lena, her heart in turmoil, let herself get carried away. Soon enough they were panting and Kara was straddling her, blonde hair falling into Lena's face.

"Kara," Lena breathed, wide-eyed, the pressure of Kara's body against hers feeling more intimate than when they'd just slept next to each other. It was intoxicating and overwhelming and she tried to slow down time, savor the moment. "Is this a good idea? You just—Mike, I mean—"

"I've wanted this for _months,_ Lena," Kara mumbled into her neck. "And after I saw you in the hotel room..." She broke off, looking back at her. "Is this what you want?"

"I don't know," Lena admitted. "I think so, but everything is so confusing and stressful and I—"

"It's okay." Kara silenced her with a kiss and lay down next to her. "It's okay. Take your time."

The blonde fell asleep quickly and Lena listened to her breathing slow for almost an hour before she couldn't stop herself anymore. Something hot and heavy had settled between her legs and, god dammit if Kara was the only one that could tell her what it was.

She leaned over and kissed her, Kara's eyes blinking open in pleased surprise.

"I take it you changed your mind?" she whispered. The delicate up and down of Lena's throat as she swallowed pulled Kara's eyes and she longed to bite the pale skin and that freckle that she had always been obsessed with.

"I did," Lena said hoarsely. Her usually carefully stoic expression—stoic around everyone but Kara—had melted into something like awe as her gaze roamed Kara's abs, her fingers tracing patterns across the other girl's ribs.

Kara's body lifted off the bed in an almost visceral response to the sensation and she let her lips close around the freckle, sucking gently, then not so gently, running her tongue across the skin.

Suddenly nervous, Lena pulled back. Kara was looking at her, starry-eyed, pupils blown out. "I don't...I've never..."

"I'll show you," Kara said in a low voice. Someone had show her. But that was in the past, long ago, and nothing mattered but Lena, in front of her, on top of her, eagerly watching her every move.

"Okay."

Flipping them around, Kara pressed her friend—no, they wouldn't be _just friends,_ not after tonight—into her mattress. It didn't matter that her sheets had penguins on them from her childhood obsession with _Happy Feet._ It didn't matter that Lena thought she didn't deserve anything, because Kara was determined to show her how wrong she was.

"Are you sure?"

Lena just nodded eagerly, her lips parting and her hands reaching for Kara's shirt.

* * *

Eliza knocked on the door the next morning with a glass of water for the girls to share.

"Good news!" she called through the door in a bright voice. "Lillian has agreed to let Lena stay here, and for the summer too! I'm not really sure why, but we can figure it out as we—"

"Jesus, Kara—"

"Mom!"

Kara fell onto the floor with a thud and cursed loudly, grabbing the nearest object and holding it in front of her while one arm crossed her chest. "Turn around!" she said frantically. Something—Lena—wriggled under the blanket on her bed.

Eliza had already whipped around with a startled "Oh!" The glass of water hit the carpet and spilled everywhere.

"I'm so sorry! Do you want me to come back later?"

"No, now's perfect," Kara said in a voice that dripped sarcasm. When Eliza had gone, she nudged Lena's prone figure. "Lee, you can come out now."

"I don't have much of a choice," Lena said, not emerging from the blanket burrito.

"I didn't mean it like _that_," Kara snorted. "We have to get dressed. My mom's waiting."

A red face peeked out from the edge of the blanket. "If I didn't have absolutely nowhere else to go, I'd say that this was the _last place on earth _ I could stay. I still may take my mother over facing yours right now."

"Ha ha," Kara said dryly. "Relax. She doesn't have to know we slept together."

With a squeak, Lena disappeared back under the blanket.

* * *

"They slept together!"

"Oh, gross, mom. Don't tell me that!" Alex complained. "I wish you would stop calling me to update me on Kara's sex life."

"I just can't believe it, Lena Luthor stays here for _one night _and already your sister got her to—"

"_Don't _finish that sentence. I have to go to work, can you handle...whatever that is? And are you sure you want her staying at the house?"

"Don't worry about me, honey. Just, you know. Maybe give your sister _the_ _talk._ I don't really know how these things go. Not with two girls. I'm old fashioned." Eliza grinned as Alex fake-barfed into the phone.

"I'm hanging up now. Bye."

"Hey, mom." Kara tried for a casual tone, plopping down on a bar stool and reaching for a strip of bacon.

"Hi, honey." Eliza couldn't hide the grin on her face. "How was your night?"

Kara shook her head. "Nope. We are not doing this. What happened with Lillian?"

The smile dropped from Eliza's face. "I'm not entirely sure, to be honest. She doesn't seem to care which way Lena goes, and I talked to her for a long time. She seems very polite, though I know that's just a show." She bit her lip, sipping a mug of coffee.

"So what did she say?"

"She said she would be financially responsible for Lena but that she could stay with us for the break. And the summer, until Lillian found her an appropriate place to stay."

Kara raised an eyebrow, leaning on her elbows. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I asked her that too, and she said she was in the process of buying an apartment near the school. She doesn't seem to be short for money but I didn't get the impression she cared either way what happens to Lena."

"Makes sense," Kara reasoned, starting in on a bagel, trying hard not to remember what Lena looked like lying naked on her bed...

"Kara, honey?"

"Mmm?"

"You're drooling a bit."

Wiping at the side of her mouth, Kara nearly shoved the bagel down her throat when Lena appeared in the doorway. She was wearing an over sized jumper like it would protect her from the conversation to come, and wouldn't look up from the ground.

"Hi, Ms. Danvers." She still looked embarrassed, her hands fidgeting in her pockets.

"Call me Eliza."

"Um. Okay." Lena slid into the seat across Kara and Kara flashed her a smile.

"So you're getting an apartment, apparently, courtesy of your mother."

The bagel paused halfway to her mouth. "That can't be good."

"Why not?" Kara's impulsive smile grew wider and she leaned forward, poking Lena's arm with a playful finger.

"Nothing ever comes from my mother without strings attached."

"I think it's good to be careful," Eliza agreed. "But honestly? She seems to just...want you out of her life." Her tone was sad, as was her smile as she rubbed Lena's shoulder. "You're welcome here for as long as you need to stay. I'm sure Kara would love the company." She shot her daughter a knowing look and winked.

Kara choked on her bagel and bent over the counter, coughing, as Lena flushed and pulled away from Eliza's hand.

"I forgot something upstairs," Lena muttered, flitting away like a fairy and disappearing into Kara's room again.

"I—uh, I don't—if you—that's the door!" Kara shot out of her chair, dropping the remainder of the bagel. Eager to never return to that conversation, she wrenched the door open without looking through the window.

Her eyes went wide. "Mike?"

"Hey, baby." He gave her a smile and had his arms wrapped around her before she could react. "You never called."

"I—what are you doing here?" She cleared her throat, completely stunned by his sudden appearance.

He stepped back, frowning. "Your mom said you were home."

"Yeah. I am." Her answer was short, succinct, and she blinked at him like he would go away if she blinked hard enough.

"Who is it?" Eliza called from the kitchen.

"Hi, Ms. Danvers!" Mike pushed his way in before Kara could answer and headed for the kitchen.

"Oh, Michael. How—how are you?" If he heard the catch in her voice as she met Lena's eyes, he didn't indicate it, barreling his way forwards.

Kara stepped directly in his path, putting a hand on his chest. "Mike, wait. What are you doing here?"

"I came to make up after our fight." Thankfully, Eliza made her way out to join them and he paused in the living room. "You never called."

"My fault," Eliza covered up smoothly, taking up enough of Mike's attention that Kara could shoot a glance into the kitchen. Lena was staring back at her nervously, looking like a deer in headlights—unsure of whether to make herself known or run. "I kept her up late talking and she didn't have time to call."

"No worries," Mike said cheerfully. He put an arm around Kara's shoulders and Eliza raised her eyebrows. "Ready to go?"

"Go? Go where?" Kara shrugged his arm off and stood by her mother, her

At that, his brow furrowed. "That camping trip. We've been planning it for weeks; you, me, Thomas, Sophie. Bonfires, canoes, fishing?"

"I never agreed to go on that camping trip," Kara said with a hint of frustration, shaking her head. "I don't like bonfires."

His act disappeared like fog on a windy day. "Oh, right. Because of the whole car crash thing. You really should face your fears, Kara." He rolled his eyes at Eliza as if to say, _'this silly little phobia'._

Just as quickly, Eliza's expression hardened. "I'm not sure what you've heard, but I think you should trust Kara if she says she doesn't like something. Perhaps you should come back another time."

"I was just kidding," he said quickly, leaning forward to kiss her. She put a hand on his chest and he paused instinctively, his eyes opening. "What's wrong?" His lips were open in surprise, still half-puckered, and she bit her lip.

"I meant it, Mike. We're done." She squared her shoulders, waiting for his reaction.

It was more violent than she expected, made worse with Lena's appearance at the top of the stairs in Kara's jumper.

"Kara?" Her voice was soft, curious, and Kara looked up at her with adoration that even someone as dense as Mike couldn't miss.

He slammed a hand into the wall and Kara winced.

"Michael!" Eliza admonished, shaking a finger at him. "You're old enough to know that's not how you act," she said harshly.

The sound was enough to draw Lena partway down the stairs and when she saw Mike standing angrily in front of the two Danvers, she flashed down to the last step and stood there, at a loss for words.

Mike just stared at her, at the sleeves that were too long for her, the way the cloth pulled at the front because it was bought for someone with a smaller chest, the way it said _"Midvale Prep Soccer"._

He started to take a menacing step towards Lena and she flinched back, her arms crossing protectively over her chest, and that same surge of protectiveness came over Kara.

"Hey. You should leave," she said in a surprisingly calm tone. The unspoken was that they would talk later, she would call. "Now isn't a good time."

He was shaking his head, looking disbelieving between Kara and Lena, completely ignoring Eliza. "You're going to be sorry," he said viciously, stabbing a finger in Lena's face.

The brunette clenched her jaw, swallowing past the lump in her throat. Normally she wouldn't stand for this, wouldn't let him threaten her like this, but with Lillian's fury still fresh in her mind, her mind was a blank. She braced herself for a blow that would never come, because Kara was there, stepping between the two of them.

"Mike." She reached around him to open the door. "I mean it. You need to go."

"I'm gonna make your life miserable," he snarled in Lena's face before twisting around and leaving in a huff. He didn't seem to care that Eliza was watching him disapprovingly, the house phone in her hand. With a screech of tires, he sped off down the road, blasting angry rock music.

"I shouldn't be here," Lena realized out loud, crashing back to earth as her adrenaline ebbed.

"Hey, no. None of that." Kara cupped her face in her hands gently, trying to massage away the fear in the bright green eyes. "You should stay."

Lena nodded, looking entirely unconvinced, and Kara tried again.

"I want you to stay."

One more nod, shorter than the first one. And suddenly Kara didn't care that Eliza was right there, that Mike had just barged in and all but threatened her. She leaned forward and kissed Lena, and smiled into the kiss.

When she pulled back Lena was a little breathless, her eyes shiny and wide. "Okay."

* * *

i rly don't have a plan to get rid of mike. like i'm going to? but i think the character's too far to make him a suddenly Good Man, so I'm gonna do something lame and just have him Move Away unless I can think of something better.


	14. You Really Mean That?

The rest of winter break, despite its rocky start, was better than Lena could have ever imagined. She and Kara slept in the same bed, tangled together and whispering secrets across the pillow until they both fell asleep, and every morning without fail Eliza had breakfast waiting for them.

One morning, Kara woke her up with a squeal and a pillow hitting the side of her face.

"Hmmm." Lena pried open a blurry eye and was rewarded with the sight of Kara hopping up and down in polar bear pajamas.

"It's Christmas Eve! And it snowed last night!" Kara pointed to the window, letting out another squeal.

With a roll of her eyes and a noncommittal grunt, Lena turned over, trying to chase back the deep sleep she had been in. "That's nice, Kara."

"Come on, come on!" Lena groaned when Kara tugged on the sheets, knowing she would eventually give in if Kara kept begging.

"If I look over and it's not 7 a.m. yet, I'm sleeping on the couch tonight."

Kara tried to rein in her exuberance but Lena could still hear the smile in her voice as she begged.

"Please, Lee?" She peeled back a corner of the blankets and snuggled into Lena's side.

"Let me sleep," Lena grumbled, even less inclined to get up now that Kara's heat was pressed up against her like a radiator molded the shape of her body.

Kara narrowed her eyes and her grin transformed into something sneakier. Rucking up Lena's tee shirt, she licked her lips, her eyes taking in the other girl's skin.

The marks from Lillian's discipline had faded into thin lines a few shades darker than the rest of Lena's skin. Around almost every freckle was a faint hickey from the other night, when Kara had whispered comforting things in Lena's ear until the brunette was on the verge of tears, unused to such a display of affection and attention.

"_Kara," Lena gasped, one had on the blonde's chest to keep her from thrusting forward. "This isn't right. I'm not worth it."_

"_Don't say that." Kara's voice was low and harsh, anger at Lena's self-hatred flashing across her face. "You mean so much to me, Lena."_

"_Don't." Lena bit her lip and pressed her face into the pillow, hoping the pressure would smother her emotions. "God, Kara, just don't."_

_But Kara was insistent, her hungry blue eyes wide and dark with desire, her lips desperately trying to capture Lena's. It wasn't the Kara that Lena was familiar with, the student-body-president, captain of several clubs, soccer pro, put together Kara. It was the Kara that she only dreamed of, the Kara that she drew._

"_Lena. Look at me. Please." She waited patiently until teary green eyes met blue. "You. Are. Perfect."  
_

_With an almost audible crash, Lena's walls broke down._

"I take it the Luthors never made snowmen?" Kara slid her leg over Lena's body and pressed her lips to the dimples in her back.

Lena didn't lift her head, her answer muffled by the pillow. "Never. We made a tunnel system Lex used to help me build igloos, but no snowmen."

Kara was too busy nipping at Lena's skin to answer, her teeth leaving little red marks. For a moment it struck her how significantly her life had changed, from the stifling monotony of Mike to the excitement that always buzzed through her when Lena was in the same room.

She paused, then licked at one of the whip marks, her tongue leaving a hot, wet trail along the skin.

Lena responded subconsciously, her spine curving as a tingling sensation ran through her nerves. "Kara," she warned, already sounding more awake.

"I'll show you how to make a snowman," Kara whispered into the back of her neck, Lena's hair tickling her nose.

"I know how to make a—" Lena broke off into a gasp as Kara bit down on her earlobe with just the right amount of pressure. "I hate you," she grumbled, twisting around and crashing their lips together.

"No you don't," Kara laughed into the kiss, the vibration of her chest resounding in Lena's own.

"No, I don't," Lena agreed, letting Kara push her down into the mattress with the full length of her body. "Who cares about snowmen? Let's stay inside."

But Kara, with a sly grin and bright eyes, pulled away at the last second, leaving Lena frustratingly alone. "I won't kiss you until we make a snowman," she grinned, sitting back so quickly it made Lena dizzy.

"That's completely unfair and you know it," Lena retorted, her annoyance warming her blood. "You're not the business student, I am. I make the deals."

"Like the deal where we snuggle with hot chocolate and a Hallmark Christmas movie _after _we build the best snowman ever?"

"You're impossible, you know that?"

20 minutes later they were both bundled up and rolling a snowball across the lawn, Krypto and Osh zipping around their feet, and Lena was lamenting her decision to get up.

Just as she turned to voice this to Kara, something hit her flat on the back and exploded into white powder that sprayed in front of her. She whipped around to see Kara, laughing her ass off in the snow, a second snowball still in her hand.

"How dare you?!" Lena said in mock derision, scooping up a handful of snow and packing her own projectile. While Kara was distracted by the end of her laughter, Lena drew back and lobbed the snowball in her direction.

It missed Kara by a good 6 feet and the blonde only laughed harder, her eyes scrunching up.

"I'll give you something to laugh about." Lena narrowed her eyes and whistled for the dogs. As always, Osh ran directly for her. "Fetch!"

He bolted off into the snow, his chest plowing the white powder, and returned a minute later with a wet, dirty tennis ball.

_Perfect._

Lena waved it in front of the two dogs, knowing Kara was watching her. Both their heads were following the neon green prize and when she tossed it at Kara, the blonde caught it as a reflex.

"Lena, the point of a snowball fight is to throw snowballs, not—aghhh!"

Kara disappeared under a mountain of fur and snow as both dogs barreled into her, knocking her flat in their quest for the ball. Krypto emerged, victorious, his front paws on Kara's chest and the tennis ball firmly clenched between his jaws, and the blonde's laughter pealed across the snow, making Lena smile.

"You were saying?"

She barely had time to duck when another snowball went whistling over her head, and the war was on.

By the time both girls had exhausted themselves, Eliza had hot chocolate and marshmallows and tea ready for them, as well as breakfast. They traipsed inside, shaking off the snow and hanging up their coats as she watched them from the kitchen, a crossword puzzle by her arm.

"Early start. How's the snow, girls?"

"Amazing." Lena's cheeks were bright red and she rubbed her hands together to warm them up, taking a seat at the counter. "Thanks for having me," she gratefully to Eliza, taking the offered mug. "I don't know what I'd do without you."

Eliza smiled as Kara poked her shoulder. "You don't need to say that every day. You're very welcome, Lena, but having you is such a pleasure. You do more cleaning in one day than Kara ever did."

Lena blushed as Kara protested through a mouthful of melted marshmallow.

"What are Christmases like in your house?" Kara asked, a whipped cream mustache on her lip, trying to distract from her flaws as a housekeeper.

"Oh, nothing fancy. Quiet dinners catered by the Luthor mansion staff, fires roaring in the grates, trees in all the common rooms." Lena waved it away. She wouldn't give up her vacation in the Danvers' welcoming, cluttered home for anything in the world.

"Fires, huh." The look on Kara's face made Lena narrow her eyes and the brunette scooted her chair closer.

"Yeah. They weren't much, but they kept the rooms warm." Lena sighed and took a sip of hot chocolate, addressing Eliza even as her eyes never left Kara's face. "Thank you for—"

Eliza lightly bumped her shoulder, cutting her off. "Stop trying to thank me every time I so much as turn a light on for you." Her tone was light and teasing but her eyes sparkled with genuine warmth, quelling Lena's fear that she had somehow offended the woman. In other news, I'm going to visit Alex for a few days. I'll be back on Saturday. Do you girls think you can handle yourselves?"

Already nodding vigorously, Kara gave her mother a hug. "Of course. When's your flight? I'll take you."

Laughing, Eliza kissed the top of her head. "Already that eager to get rid of me, huh? I'm leaving this afternoon, but I'm not flying. I hired a taxi."

"I could have James take you," Lena offered. "Taxis can get expensive, the city's a few hours away."

Eliza shot her daughter a glance and Kara cleared her throat, looking Lena in the eye.

"Actually, um, Lee. I'd rather I drive her. Just—easier, you know?"

Lena felt the heat of embarrassment flush her cheeks and blinked quickly, shame pricking the backs of her eyes. "Oh, god, I didn't—of course, I'm so sorry, you must think I—"

"No, Lena, it's okay." Kara dropped to her knees and reached up to cup her face gently. Eliza left the room to give them some privacy.

"Lena. Look at me," Kara instructed, watching the brunette's eyebrows quirk as she held in her emotions. "You, of all people, don't need to walk on eggshells for me. It's unbelievably sweet and so, so amazing, but you certainly don't need to apologize to me. I should be the one apologizing," her voice darkened. "If I had come sooner, maybe your mom wouldn't have—maybe I could've stopped—"

Kara's throat worked, her blue eyes blazing fiercely. "_God,_ Lena. You deserve _so much better _than that. You deserve someone loving you with everything they've got, and then some."

Lena shook her head adamantly. Over a decade of Lillian's voice echoed in her ear, telling her that Kara was wrong, that she didn't deserve anything remotely like that, that no one would ever look at her and see someone worth loving. But Kara's eyes burned into her with the intensity of the sun and the words died in her throat.

"You have an awfully high opinion of me, you know that?" she said, trying for humor, but Kara leaned forward and kissed her, butting off all higher thought.

Lena let out a small, satisfied noise at the suddenness of the kiss but she melted into it under Kara's hot focus, her lips parting in response to the pressure bearing down on her.

"I'll drive her up there this afternoon and then we have the house to ourselves for a few days. Okay?"

Lena nodded, breathlessly, not about to disagree with Kara for any reason. "Text me when you get there and before you drive?"

"Of course. Now." Kara gave her a quick peck and sat back in her chair, wrapping her hands around her mug. "I want a rematch from yesterday. Go get the chessboard."

Rolling her eyes, Lena stood up. "You don't have a chance, Danvers."

Kara smirked. "There's that sexy confidence. I knew you had it in you."

* * *

"Checkmate."

With a groan, Kara knocked her king over. "It's insane how you do that. That's four in a row!" She started to reset the chessboard and her phone went off, but she hit snooze without looking at it.

"Isn't that the alarm to leave? Your mom is waiting," Lena said, a bit of anxiety creeping into her voice. The few times she'd made Lillian wait for her...well, she hadn't been late in 10 years.

Shaking her head, Kara put her king back in place with a little more force than necessary. "One more."

Seeing Eliza standing in the doorway give her a nod of approval, Lena bit back a smile. "Alright."

Less than two minutes later, Lena palmed Kara's king with a triumphant smile. She looked up to see Eliza laughing in the doorway and something warm blossomed in her chest.

"You know this isn't fair, right? You're, like, a freaking chess prodigy."

Lena shrugged. "You trapped yourself."

"No, _you _trapped me," Kara grumbled, standing up. "Alright, I'll be back late. Do you need money for dinner?"

Lena raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything, waiting for Kara to catch her own faux pas, but the blonde didn't correct herself.

"Listen, just because you're a billionaire doesn't mean I can't buy my girlfriend dinner."

Pale white skin flushed and Lena blinked, her eyes flicking to Eliza then back to Kara. "I...girlfriend?"

"Well, yeah," Kara said with a casual shrug, kissing her like she was going off to work and Lena was a housewife from the 50's. "You didn't think after all this we'd just be _friends,_ did you?" Her outward confidence covered her anxiety, but she was worried she had frightened Lena away by springing it on her.

Lena was adorably perplexed. Sure, you didn't sleep with friends, in their beds, in their underwear. You certainly didn't _sleep _with friends, but Kara had never said anything about this lasting beyond the break. She had broken up with Mike, fine, but Lena was just along for the ride, content to hold on until Kara decided to kick her to the curb.

She had convinced herself that that would be enough for her.

Despite all that, despite years of forcing herself to hide any semblance of joy lest Lillian take advantage and crush her, she was helpless to stop the wide grin breaking across her face. She bit down on her lip, a flash of white teeth in an attempt to stop herself from smiling, but it proved to be useless because her smile widened even more.

Satisfied with the response to her declaration, Kara kissed her again (in a very non-PG way for it being right in front of her mother, as there was definitely quite a bit of tongue) then turned to Eliza. "Ready to go?"

"I'm ready."

When the house was quiet, Lena sat down, trying to catch her breath.

_Girlfriend._

_I'm her girlfriend._

She lost herself in giddiness for at least an hour,, then jumped to her feet with an animation that surprised her. Kara was coming back in almost four hours, and Lena was determined to be ready for her.

For the first two hours she completely cleaned the house, the dogs following her through the halls and up the stairs. Kara's room was made spotless, the bed turned down to military-grade standards, the desk cleared. The common rooms were vacuumed, picture frames dusted, old food thrown out from the fridge. She ran two loads of laundry—Kara's hamper was really just a pile in the corner of her room and Lena was afraid bugs were staring to make their home in the sweaty clothes. She cleaned the dog beds, and Krypto and Osh rubbed themselves up and down her legs in appreciation, licking every inch of her skin they could reach.

Around half past 7 she started to cook, and the empty kitchen was filled with the sounds of boiling water and a knife hitting the chopping board.

The door opening made her heart stutter in her chest but she kept stirring the pasta, keeping her eyes down.

"Honey, I'm hooooome!" Kara swung in the door with a dramatic flair and tossed her keys into the bowl. "Wow, that smells amazing," she commented, walking to the kitchen. "Are you—whoa." She stopped short a few meters from her destination.

"Do you like it?" Lena asked timidly, turning the fire down. "I had some time to kill, and I thought I'd clean a little."

"It's spotless..." Kara's voice came out a little hoarse. Lena must have slaved away for _hours_, if she was remembering the cluttered state her house had been in.

"I also tidied your bedroom a little, did some laundry."

"You...cleaned my room?"

Mistaking Kara's apprehension for annoyance, Lena was spiraling in a split second.

"I'm so sorry I didn't ask permission, just, I knew you were driving and I didn't want to distract you and I thought, maybe, I mean, I don't know I thought you needed some floor space? I'm sorry, I shouldn't have invaded your privacy, I can—I can fix it if you don't like it, if it's too much 'Luthor', the clinical way I've cleaned everything, if you don't—"

As Lena rambled, Kara had slowly been walking closer and closer, the beginnings of a smile tugging at her mouth. When Lena looked like she was about to pass the point of no return, she grabbed the other girl's shoulders, jarring her out of her torrent of apologies.

"Lena. Are you..._apologizing_ to me for _cleaning_?"

"I...yes?" Lena lost her train of thought when Kara entered her space, those warm hands burning through her sleeves, and Kara hid a spark of pleasure at the effect she had on the otherwise impermeable girl.

"Look, I know you were raised with rules. I know that you've had to bend yourself to way too many rules since you were a child. But I'm making one more rule for you."

Nodding, Lena swallowed. "What is it? Is it the cleaning? I'm sorry, I know it looks like my house. I ruin _everything_, It doesn't even look like anyone _lives _here—"

"Lena! Hang on a second." Kara's eyebrows were furrowed, the crinkle deep in her skin, and she pulled Lena over to the couch. "Listen to me, baby. Just for a second."

The nickname made her into a pile of mush, ready to do anything Kara asked.

"I love that you cleaned my house. Eliza is likely to adopt you for it, and I finally remember what the floor looks like. You can even see the spot where Krypto peed on the carpet the second week we got him. But here's my rule."

Lena waited nervously.

"No more apologizing."

"I know, I'm sorry I—what?"

Kara smiled, her arms around Lena's shoulders. "No more apologizing."

"What if we fight?"

Kara stifled a groan. Leave it Lena to try to worm her way out of _not _apologizing. "I doubt we'll fight, Lena."

"But girlfriends always fight. You don't have to want to, it just happens."

"If we ever do fight, I'll be the one apologizing because you're always right."

"Not always," Lena murmured into Kara's shoulder.

"You're right most of the time," Kara conceded, pulling Lena onto her lap. The other girl wrapped her her arms and legs around Kara, clinging on like a koala and burying her face in the space between Kara's neck and collarbone.

"Why are you so nice to me?" Lena mumbled, her lips brushing Kara's skin.

"Because I love you, you dork." Kara could smell Lena's shampoo and sweat and she nuzzled her neck, playfully biting at the pale skin. "Because you're amazing and kind and wonderful and you deserve the whole world, and I'm going to give it to you."

Hot liquid dripped onto her collarbone and Kara frowned, trying to pull Lena away from her. "Lena?"

Lena just shook her head, sniffling.

"Baby? Are you crying?"

At the sweet concern in Kara's voice, Lena lifted her tear-stained face. "I'm not good with feelings, Kara," she said brokenly, her green eyes watery and rimmed red.

"That's okay. I'm not saying it so you'll say it, I'm saying it so you know. I really do love you, Lena."

The admiration in Kara's voice almost made her afraid more than it comforted her, but earnest, blue eyes burned away any shadow of a doubt. With Kara, she was safe. With Kara, she could be herself and nothing bad would happen, at least for now.

"I love you, too."

* * *

The phone rang at 8 the next morning. Lena rolled over with a groan, pleasantly sore in all the right places,

"Hello?"

"Darling. I'm glad I caught you."

Her back stiffened and the sheets fell down. "How did you get this number?"

"I'm not stupid, you know."

Shooting Kara's still-sleeping form a glance, Lena slipped into a robe and into the hallway. "What do you want, mother?" The words came out harsher than she meant them to and she winced at the cold response.

"Don't talk back to me. I'm the one whose name is on the credit card, after all."

Making her way downstairs, Lena took a deep breath. "You really think money will keep me tied to you? I have shares in my own name, you know. It's one of the _perks _of being a Luthor."

Lillian sighed over the phone, breathy and annoyed that her first ploy hadn't worked. "Let's not fight over the details. You know money doesn't matter to me. What I want is a relationship with my daughter."

"It's a little too late for that, don't you think? Why are you calling."

"I just don't think your doing the right thing."

"Me?" Lena said incredulously, one finger twisting her hair in nervous habit. "_You're _the one who told Eliza Danvers you didn't care what happened to me. This was your idea, my staying with them."

"I'm just afraid this insignificant...dalliance you're having with this Danvers girl is going to distract you from achieving your dreams."

"My dreams, or yours?" Lena hissed, standing in the middle of Kara's living room. "I have my own ideas of success, mother."

"No doubt birthed from what I've taught you."

"No. You don't get to do that." Lena glared at her reflection in the black TV screen, scowling at herself. "You don't get to turn this around and make me look like the bad guy." Her voiced shook and she clenched a hand into a tight fist, her knuckles whitening.

"Fine. End up begging for change on the side of the road, if you like. But when the time comes, just remember who your family is. Who will always be there for you."

"You have _never _been there for me!" Her voice raised, but the anger that spiked with it drowned out her worry at waking Kara. "You say you taught me how to dream of success, but all you taught me was anger! You don't want me believing in myself because then I won't need you," she realized, the epiphany sucking the air out of her lungs.

"Oh, please, Lena. Do you really think I would be so selfish as to dumb you down?" Lillian scoffed, but she was playing the long game. She kept her voice even. "It wasn't easy, raising you properly, with such a mind as yours. No other mother could have done it."

"You were a _terrible _mother! Why can't you just—" Lena faltered at the sight of Kara on the steps, blonde hair messy from sleep but her eyes wide and worried. "Just leave me alone," she said tiredly, holding the phone by her ear. Lillian didn't appreciate being hung up on and it wasn't something she was capable of doing, but the speed at which the conversation had turned into an argument had made her head spin in frustrated exhaustion.

"I may be a horrible mother, but _I'm _the one who raised you," Lillian hissed angrily. "Not Eliza Danvers, not anyone else." Her voice took on a cruel, mocking tone and Lena's veins turned to ice. "Nature versus nurture, Lena. You're a Luthor through and through, and sooner or later Kara is going to realize that and turn her back on you. And then all you'll have is me."

The click in her ear told her that Lillian had been the one to hang up. She let her arm drop down, the phone hanging loosely from her hand, and swayed slightly.

In seconds, Kara's arms were around her.

"Lena. Come on, sit down. What happened?"

"Lillian. I—She—"

"She what?" Kara asked gently.

Lena just shook her head, curling up on Kara's lap. She was crying again, and she hated crying in front of people—even Kara—so she folded in on herself, her throat closing.

"Tell me what you need, Lee."

For a moment, Lena didn't say anything, drawing panicked breaths and looking clearly overwhelmed. Then, with a wet gasp, she choked out the words, sounding more vulnerable than Kara had ever heard her.

"Hold me?"

Kara's arms turned to vices around her, crushing Lena into her and pressing her cheek to Lena's chest. They sat there until Lena caught her breath, and still they didn't move.

It wasn't for another half hour that Lena finally looked Kara in the eye, emerging from the safety of Kara's neck.

"Do you hate me?"

Kara blinked, not understanding. "What?"

"My mother. She said you'd realize I was just like her and you'd hate me. And that I'd have no one left but her."

"That's absurd, Lena. Of course I don't hate you! And I would never abandon you," she said earnestly, "Never."

Lena's face crumpled and she buried her face in Kara's shoulder, letting out a muffled sob that was heavy with relief. Kara rubbed her back, swirling patterns under the robe as Lena breathed little puffs against her chest.

"Anyone that can't see how amazing you are is blind. You know that, right?" Kara nudged her with a shoulder, careful not to move her too much.

"I'm really not that great," Lena said wetly, her legs wrapping around Kara's back.

"You're not great, you're incredible," Kara countered, punctuating the sentence with a nibble to Lena's ear. "You're so incredibly smart, and incredibly brave, and incredibly beautiful." Each compliment was followed by a kiss until Lena sighed, finally letting the tension out of her shoulders.

"How do you do that?"

"Do what?" Kara nipped at her ear, not missing the way Lena twitched in response.

"You always know how to make me feel better."

Kara grinned, her eyes lighting up at that. Every time she'd been able to pull Lena out of the dumps was a crowning achievement in her book, and now was no different. "I'm telekinetic."

A perfect eyebrow arched and Lena sniffled, tears drying on her face. "You can move things with your mind?"

"Oh, shoot. I mean, telepathic." Kara's grin widened as Lena giggled, her throat vibrating. "Either way, I love you."

"You really mean that?" Lena whispered, hating the way she needed to ask for assurance, the way that Lillian's voice nagged at her saying that Kara was lying.

"I really do. But I don't love you enough to let you win at Scrabble," Kara teased, her warm voice dispelling Lillian's whisper. She kissed the tip of Lena's nose. "Come on. Board games and breakfast?'

Detaching herself from Kara, Lena rolled her eyes. "You don't _let me win_, I let you lose not as badly."

"Sure, sure. I'll get the board if you start making omelets?"

Lena squinted at her. "Is this because you burned the eggs last time?"

* * *

"I don't think 'absurded' is a word, Kara."

"That's just because you haven't heard it yet," Kara defended herself, stealing a bite of Lena's omelet.

"Hey!"

"Hey what? I made these," Kara grinned, reaching for the plate.

Lena swatted her hand away. "You did not," she rolled her eyes. "You made me cook."

"I don't think it counts as _making you_ if you wanted to," Kara pointed out, picking through the Scrabble pieces.

"I don't think it counts as wanting to if you kissed me until I couldn't argue with you," Lena retorted, then they both dissolved into giggles.

"How crazy is this?" Kara murmured into her neck once they were back on the couch. "I get to kiss you whenever I want."

With a heavy sigh, Lena melted into Kara's arms. "You always could, Kara." The underlying current of sadness in her voice didn't go unmissed and the blonde squeezed harder.

"You know what I mean, Lee."

"What about when—"

They both looked up when three sharp raps sounded on the door. Kara peered at the window, unable to see out of it from her spot on the couch.

"Eliza's home early," she said in a confused voice, going to unlock the door. "I hope everything's alright."

Lena heard Kara's gasp of surprise from the other room and shot to her feet, hurrying to the door. "Kara? Is it—oh." She drew up short, her mouth opened in a surprised 'o' at the sight of a very bedraggled Mike standing in the doorway.

His eyes fastened on her and he stood up straight, and even though she was standing behind Kara, Lena still stumbled back a step. He looked a little wild-eyed for 11 in the morning and she wondered if he was about to try to start a fight. Her eyes flicked over to Kara, who was looking uncomfortably between them.

"Um, Mike. I know I said I'd call but I've been a little busy—"

"I need to talk to you." Despite his unkempt appearance, his voice was steady and Lena was at least assured that he was sober and they didn't have to reason with an unreasonable man.

"Mike," Kara wheedled, keeping the door half-closed. "It's really not a good time. I'll call you, I promise."

"Not you. I need to talk to you."

Lena met his gaze unflinchingly but her mind was racing. What could he possibly have to say to her, after everything? No doubt he was furious, he hated her for ruining his life, he wanted to make it clear that she wasn't welcome.

Even as Kara put a comforting hand on her shoulder, her confidence wavered. "Why me?"

"Just—I just need a few minutes. Please."

"Lena," Kara said in a warning tone. It was clear that she didn't want Lena going off with Mike, though Lena couldn't tell what exactly she was worried about. Did she think Mike would try to do anything?

With a stiff nod, Lena cleared her throat. "We can talk. But I'd rather talk inside."

Mike shifted, running a hand through his hair and leaving it sticking up. "Fine. I just don't...Kara, can you leave or something?"

"You do know this is my house, right?" Kara said coolly, her eyes narrowing. "And after what you've said, you'd be crazy to think I'd leave you alone with Lena."

"Kara. It's fine," Lena muttered, her eyes not leaving Mike's. She was already steeling herself for a difficult conversation and wanted to get it over with. If they didn't talk now, Mike would never leave them alone, and as reluctant as she was to be alone with him, she recognized the hurt in his eyes. It was the look of someone that knew they had no control over their situation but it was still painful, and it reminded her so closely of herself before she left New York and met Kara that pity seeped into her.

With a huff, Kara tossed her hair and stepped away from the doorway, leaving room for Mike to come in. "I'm going to shower. Don't destroy my house. And," she added, looking over her shoulder, "Don't do anything stupid, Mike. I mean it." Her eyes flashed on the last word and he held his hands up in surrender.

"I promise," he said, but the grin he gave Lena made her shiver.

* * *

Hi ik this took forever, i had finals come up and tried to write at work but actually had to do my job for once. I'll stop making Lena cry after this i promise!


	15. June 2020 Update

Hey guys! I've moved over to AO3 and published a few stories over there if you wanna show some love.

/users/Dinosauntor/pseuds/Dinosauntor

xx


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